Oh, Baby!
by jesuisamber
Summary: Ms. Bitterman pairs Sonny and Chad up for a project in health class. Get ready for baby simulators, messy diapers, arguing, crying, loss of sleep, and maybe some love. Channy Multi-chapter xD
1. Prologue

**Title:** Oh, Baby!

**Rating:** T

**Summary: **Ms. Bitterman pairs Sonny and Chad up for a project in health class. Get ready for baby simulators, messy diapers, arguing, crying, loss of sleep, and maybe some love. Channy Multi-chapter xD

* * *

Sonny's POV

It all started Monday.

Or, maybe it was Tuesday.

Was it Wednesday?

You know what, it all began last week. And that was just the beginning of my problems.

* * *

Mon- Wait. Last week:

_Fine._

_Fine._

_Good!_

_GOOD!_

_FINE!_

I scribbled down a, '_FINE!_' on the wrinkly piece of paper, crumpled it back up into a ball, and threw it at the back of Chad's beautiful...NOT beautiful head. It bounced off his air-filled noggin and hit the floor, landing right next to Ms. Bitterman's high heels, which just so happened to be on her feet. Crap.

Chad turned to glare at me and the class grew silent, Ms. Bitterman's sentence ending short. She stooped to the aluminum floor and scooped the ball of paper into her hand. She walked slowly to my desk and gazed at me through her squinty evil eyes. "Passing notes, are we, Ms. Munroe? Hmm, should I read this to the entire class?"

I responded with a blush. Everyone's eyes were on me.

She slowly unfolded the paper and studied it. Confusion passed over her features. "All it says is, 'GOOD!', and, 'FINE!'. I don't get it."

Everyone else groaned. They understood.

"Um," I mumbled. She held up her hands in defeat.

"Never mind. Let's just get back to the lesson, shall we?"

I nodded. Everyone looked back to the front of the room. Ms. Bitterman walked to her desk, yanked open a drawer, and held up a baby.

Everyone gasped.

"This," she said, "is a baby simulator."

I let out a breath of relief.

"It looks and acts like a real baby, and I'm going to give each of you a partner, and you will become parents. This simulator will see how well you are good at parenting, especially since the number of teenage parents across America is increasing rapidly. Just watch MTV's _16 And Pregnant_. I will grade each of you on the condition of the baby. Any questions?"

Portlyn raised her hand. Ms. Bitterman pointed to her.

"Yes, Portlyn?"

Portlyn grinned. "Did you see that one episode-?"

Ms. Bitterman cut her off. "Any questions concerning the baby simulator?"

This time, Tawni raised her hand. "You said it acts like a real baby. Does that mean it like pees and cries and stuff?"

Ms. Bitterman nodded. "Yes, Tawni. It does."

"Oh, _GROSS!_"

I snickered. Tawni shot me a glare as icy as Greenland. Whoa, what an oxymoron.

Chad raised his hand. "Ms. Bitterman, since you are the most beautiful person in this classroom, aside from me," he said. What a schmoozer. A shallow schmoozer. "I'm sure you'd understand that CDC does not raise a baby. Even if it is a simulator. So, if you could just give me an A, then we can move on with our lives, right?"

Ms. Bitterman smiled a smarmy smile. "Chad, you have to _earn _your grade. So, nice try, but I'm sorry, you _have _to do the project. And you can't dump the entire assignment onto your partner's shoulders."

"But-"

"No 'buts', Chad. Buts are for cigarettes."

He frowned. "Something I could use at the moment," he muttered.

I finally raised my hand. "Ms. Bitterman?"

Her smile turned chagrin. "Yes, Sonny?"

"Who are our partners?" I turned to smile at Devon, a boy from _Mackenzie Falls _who was into me. He blushed and began to study his sneakers. I winked at him, and his blush deepened.

And then?

Something hit me in the face. I rubbed my cheek and looked down at the ground where a rubber pencil cap lay upon the floor. I looked up immediately into the sparkly eyes of Chad Dylan Cooper, who was whistling nonchalantly.

Douche.

"Ah, yes, your partners. Tawni will be paired up with Nico, Grady will be with Portlyn, Devon will be with Zora, Aimee will be with Carlos, and Lia will be with Iylio."

"I'm cool with that," Nico said, and Tawni nodded in agreement.

"That's tight," Grady said. Portlyn shuddered.

Everyone else talked amongst themselves.

I was too busy not breathing.

"Tha-that leaves me and Ch-Ch--" I stuttered. This could _NOT _be happening. It simply couldn't.

"That's right." Ms. Bitterman smirked. "That leaves you with Chad."

* * *

Now do you see my dilemma?

* * *

Whaddya think?  
Feedback please?  
Review vvv :D


	2. Baby Name's

**Title:** Oh, Baby!

**Rating:** T

**Summary: **Ms. Bitterman pairs Sonny and Chad up for a project in health class. Get ready for baby simulators, messy diapers, arguing, crying, loss of sleep, and maybe some love. Channy Multi-chapter xD

* * *

Chad's POV

I think I was a hit-man in my past life.

No, seriously.

Maybe I was Al Capone.

Or a politician.

Whatever I was, it was bad.

Regardless of what my past sins were, karma decided to arouse from it's long slumber and bite me in the butt NOW. Just when things were getting good.

Karma decided to pair me with "Little Miss Sonshine" for a school project. I have to be the father to her baby simulator. And that really means, I am her baby-daddy.

I am Sonny Munroe's baby-daddy!

That sounds way different from what I mean. And what I mean is that Ms. Bitterman has been watching way too much TV, and decided to adapt the pathetic project that prepared us for adulthood and parenting. Sonny and I were teenage parents, nursing a baby-doll. A baby-doll that cries, urinates, and does any other thing babies do. Which, you know, is gross. CDC don't do...dirty diapers. And with Sonny Munroe? I thought it was bad enough, but now, me and Sonny have to spend day and night together, raising the pooing doll.

Karma.

The project was announced last Tuesday, and today was the day it started. We got our babies, and had to decide on name. We had the whole class period to choose. And then, we had to take care of the little rugrat for the next week. The. Next. Week. I have to spend seven days and nights with Sonny. And a baby.

It's like one of those seven day nightmares.

"We are NOT naming the baby Chad Dylan Cooper Jr.," Sonny bickered, almost as if she was reading my mind. How did she know I was going to suggest that?

I sighed. "Then I am FRESH out of ideas. Sorry."

She rolled her eyes. And then grinned. Way to give a guy whiplash, Munroe. Go from annoyed to everbescant. Because THAT'S not confusing at all. "Luckily, I already have my children's names picked out." She looked satisfied with herself, which clearly meant I had to quip at her. That's just how it goes.

"Ooh, let me guess. Rainy and Cloudy?"

Her grin vanished, in it's place, a lethal fire in her eyes. There she goes with the mood swings again..."Ha-ha, Chad. You're just SOO funny."

"Ya'know, sarcasm is an ugly color on you," I pointed out. Which was kind of a lie. Nothing was ugly on stupid cute Sonny.

She groaned, snapping her pencil in half between her thumb and forefinger. Whoa. She dropped the halves, and said, "Arrogance is an ugly color on YOU."

I fake-gasped. "Has anyone ever told you how nice and bright you are? Cause if they did, they're lying."

"Jerk!"

"Random!"

She narrowed her eyes until only a little bit of her brown eyes showed through the small slits. "Being random is MUCH better than being a jerk."

"Not really. Face it, you're just jealous because I'm gorgeous and my show has more viewers than So Blandom! ever will." I smoothed the colar of my blazer and smirked cockily at her.

"You're such a vapid...jerkthrob!" She crossed her arms over her chest and took pleasure in my gaped jaw. She "hmph"-ed and grinned like she had won.

She hadn't. "Really, I much rather see myself as a vapid HEARTthrob. There is a major difference between the two. And at least I'm not an over-joyed, way too enthusiastic brunette on a crappy comedy show."

For a fraction of a second, her eyes widened, and her jaw dropped. And then...

And then her eyes glazed over with un-shed tears.

And I felt guilty, but, shhh, let's just keep that between you and me.

"I, uh," I stammered. Apologizing didn't come easily to me, but this was harder than it usually was.

She held up a hand and closed her eyes. "Whatever, you stupid, arrogant, asshole!" She sneered. She smirked at me and my oh so in control expression. I'm sure my eyes were wider than saucers. Her eyes now only held confidence. "And, by the way, those were fake tears."

I gaped at her confident self. "You tricked me!"

She smirked. "Nope. I was acting!"

Whoa. De ja vu.

She put a well-convincing dramatic face on and let a single tear roll down her cheek. Then she sniffled a little and grinned cheekily.

She was good, but not good enough.

I looked down at the ground, forcing a blush to my cheeks. "I can't believe I fell for it," I mumbled, sounding more pathetic than the Jonas Brothers and Zac Efron put together.

But that was all part of the plan. Make her think I'm vulnerable, so she'll...

"Chad...wait. I, erm..." she began, but I cut her off.

"I'm sorry, Sonny," I whispered feebly, my voice breaking halfway through. That ought to really get her.

I looked up into her sad eyes, and opened my mouth, and said...

"Sorry you're such a sucker!"

It took an entire second before Sonny figured out what I was saying. She stared at me, confused, then angry, then fuming, then shocked. All the while, I was laughing giddily.

"Chad, you're such a jerk!" She exclaimed, gathering attention from the other partners. Then again, most of them were staring at us already. While I was still laughing, she extended a hand, and slapped me on my arm. I gasped at her.

"Sonny, when did you become so violent?"

She smirked. "Now." And then she hit me again.

I glared at her. She glared back. There was an intesity in our glares.

"Sonny and Chad, would you like to share what's so important that you're distracting the class. I'm sure that you're arguing over your child's name, since you only have five minutes left to choose," Ms. Bitterman snapped coldly.

The baby's name!

It appears that both Sonny and I forgot about the baby. The baby we had to "Raise" together.

Which brings me back to karma.

Hey, wait a minute--

"Maybe we should name the baby Karma," I whispered as our _bitter _teacher stomped back to our desk.

Bitter.

Hehehe.

"Karma?!" Sonny whispered incredulous. Then her face began to consider the name. "Karma's not bad. But what if it's a boy?"

I wiggled my eyebrows.

"Now I'm seriously praying it's a girl," she said with a shudder.

"How about if it's a boy, we'll name it Aiden?"

Again, she considered.

"Why Aiden?"

"Aiden is my best friend back in New Jersey," I said simply.

She widened her eyes. "Whoa, Chad, you have a best friend?"

I glared at her. "Yes, I do. Why do you sound shocked?"

She nonchalantly studied the desk between us. "I'm not..."

And then it got silent.

"What were your baby's names?" I asked, remembering.

"Huh?"

"You said you already picked out your baby's names? What were they?" I asked, strangely curious.

"Oh, them. Well, if it was a boy, Arturo, and if it was a girl, Leila. But I think I like Karma better. It has a zing to it," she confessed.

"I know. I _am _amazing!" I ran my fingers through my hair, and grinned my dazzling grin.

She groaned. "Conceited."

"Over-enthusiastic."

"Diva."

"Annoying."

"Jerk."

I closed my mouth. I didn't want to argue anymore. Frankly, I wanted a nap. And with one minute left of class, my nap was on the horizon.

* * *

Woah. I've been writing a lot in the past few days. A lot for me, anyway. So, two chapters in one day. I better get a ton of hugs and kisses for this.  
Thanks for all who reviewed. You guys are fantastic :D. It's weird, I wrote both chapters TODAY. I wrote them both in ONE DAY! And I didn't even think  
I would get many reviews on this. So I give everyone who reviewed and put this in story alert, or favorite stories a big ol' VIRTUAL KISS! MWAHx3  
ILYSFMx3


	3. Karma

**Title:** Oh, Baby!

**Rating:** T

**Summary: **Ms. Bitterman pairs Sonny and Chad up for a project in health class. Get ready for baby simulators, messy diapers, arguing, crying, loss of sleep, and maybe some love. Channy Multi-chapter xD

* * *

Sonny's POV

I sort of expected Karma to be robotic. Ya'know, stiff and mechanical, and well, robotic. Like when it moved you would hear gears turning. And when it did it's business, it would say in a mechanical female voice, "Oops. I made uh-oh." And it would be flat and lifeless. And there would be an On/Off switch on it's rear.

But no, Karma was neither stiff nor robotic. She was life-like almost. When she cried, it wasn't, "Wah. Wah." It was a real baby's cry. And she blinked and looked around Ms. Bitterman's classroom in awe. I didn't want to touch her, so there was no way to prove whether or not there was an On/Off switch on her behind.

Oh, and there was a reason why I didn't want to touch her. The reason was Chad Dylan Cooper.

Because, THAT FREAKIN' IDIOT DROPPED THE BABY!

Mhm, on the way to our desk, he lifted the baby to eye-level to examine it, and then...HE DROPPED IT!

And while everyone else held and cuddled their babies, ours cried and cried and neither of us stooped to the ground to pick it up. I was too shellshocked. Chad was too stupid. Finally, Ms. Bitterman, visibly angry, yanked the baby off the ground and cooed it to serenity. Then, with a huff, she placed it on our desk and stomped back to her's. This all happened five minutes ago, and now me and Chad sat at our chairs, staring at the thing like it was a precious, irreplaceable diamond. Both of us were afraid to touch it, for fear of breaking it, or, in this case, making it cry.

Karma's head turned and her glassy eyes looked straight at me. She blinked and smiled, not knowing if she was looking at anything at all. God, she's a doll, what am I talking about? She _doesn't _know what she's looking at, or if she's looking at anything! I was just having one of my crazy moments. I guess a baby simulator can really do that to a person.

Then Karma's head turn to stare with it's black eyes at nothing but the wall. And then she giggled.

Simulators. They do the darnedest things.

"You know, Sonny," Tawni's voice said in my ear. I looked up into the eyes of her baby boy, she told me she and Nico named Ryan, and then I quickly looked away. The doll's beady eyes gave me the chills. "Ryan" was being bounced on Tawni's hip as she rocked it back and forth. The doll giggled. "It's a good thing to _hold _your baby. And you haven't even touched it."

I looked at Karma. She looked a little sad, I guess. As sad as a not-so-robotic doll can get. "I'm afraid."

"Of _what_?" She hissed, then walked away. I guess she was right. I stared at Karma for a moment, then reached to grab her-

Only to have her snatched away by Chad, who looked smug. "Chad!" I whined.

"Is something the matter?" Sarcasm dripped off his voice. He smirked cockily and rocked the baby back and forth. Surprisingly, she didn't cry or complain. Two things one would normally want to do in the presence of Chad.

"Why'd you do that?" My voice sounded whiny, and I silently cursed myself. I sounded like an heiress whose diamonds weren't sparkly enough. I was no heiress. I was Sonny Munroe, gosh darn it! And Sonny Munroe does not show weakness around Chad. I would be independent. I would be strong. I would not back down. I would-

"Do _what_?" He breathed, stroking Karma's cheek, taunting me. I don't know why I was so bothered with him holding Karma, but I was. I was her mother, metaphorically speaking. I wanted to hold my baby. Or, uh, baby simulator.

"Stop acting dumb," I barked. "Or, uh, dumb_er_." I smirked satonically at him. He narrowed his eyes.

"Really, Sonny? Really?" He inquired. I rolled my eyes. "At least I can act!" He added, thrusting his head toward the sky for emphasis. Honestly, it just looked like a neck cramp came out of nowhere and his head spasmed.

"Yes, Chad. Really," I said, ignoring his cryptic acting comment. I don't need Chad Dylan Cooper to know that_ I_ can act. "Now can I hold my baby?" I demanded.

An evil smirk enveloped his lips. "Don't you mean _OUR _baby?"

"Oh, I'm sorry. Did _you _give birth to it?"

He gasped. "You didn't even give birth to it!"

Dang it! "Whatever, just let me hold her," I ordered, staring at him coldly.

"Not until you say it," he teased, pushing my buttons (metaphorically speaking. Don't listen to Selena Gomez, I don't literally have buttons).

"Say what?" Seriously, this boy will be the death of me.

"Our baby. I want you to say it, because it is _our baby_."

I gaped at him. Oh, he's good. I held my hands up. "Please, Chad. I'm not feeling well already, I don't want to puke."

He scoffed. "Just say it, or I'll hold Karma for_ever_!"

I groaned. We glared at each other. His eyes said, "Say it! Say it! Say it!" I was not giving in. He would have to _beg_ for me to say it.

"You _really _want me to say it?" I challenged.

He challenged me right back. "You _really _want to hold Karma?"

"_Chad!_" I whined. I pouted my lower lip out and crossed my arms over my chest. I felt like a three-year old, but it might have it's affect...

"_Sonny!_" He whined back, mimicking my motions, only not crossing his arms. He was holding _my _baby, after all. If he dropped it _again_, I might have killed him.

We had an other glare-off. His sparkly eye got the best of me. "Give me _o-our _baby," I managed to stutter out. He smiled appreciatively.

"Now was that so hard?" He asked teasingly.

"Yes," I answered immediately.

He said, "I'm sure it wasn't so hard. You're just so _stubborn_..."

"Yeah, well..." Wait, did he just call me **_stubborn_**? "Wait, what?"

"You're _**stub**-**born**_," he enunciated, like he was speaking to a three year old.

"I am **_NOT_** stubborn!" I protested.

He grinned and waggled his finger in my face. "There it is again," he felt the compelling need to point out.

So...

...I bit his finger.

He gasped and brought his finger to eye level. He examined it, then wiped it off on the sleeve of my sweater. "Did you just **_bite _**me?" He was in a complete state of shock. Seeing as how it is physically impossible for jaws to actually drop, his didn't. But if they could, his would be hanging to the floor.

"Nobody bites _Chad Dylan Cooper_!" He continued. I grinned, grabbed his hand, brought it to my mouth, and bit it again. He gasped, and writhed it out of my grip.

"Nobody bites Chad Dylan Cooper, eh. I just did," I said simply, shrugging the weight of his glare off my shoulders.

"You know how much this hand is worth?" He waved the hand in the air and raised a single eyebrow. _Darn him! _I've always wanted to be able to do that. I can't raise one without it's little buddy popping up too. How does he do that?

I laughed. "I'm guessing nothing now."

He frowned. "Yeah, now."

"Oh, boo-hoo," I sneered. "Now hand her over." I opened my arms expectantly for Karma. I still don't know why I wanted to hold her so bad, but I felt a motherly connection to her already.

"You have to say it."

I gaped at him. "I _already _said it!"

"Yes," he agreed. "But then you bit me. The bite ruled it out."

"You called me stubborn!" I complained.

"You are," he laughed. "You've been trying _this _hard just to hold a baby doll!"

"Simulator!" I argued, exasperated.

"Stubborn!" He mimicked my tone.

"Urgh!"

"My thoughts exactly!" He sounded delighted.

I leaned across the desk until I was face to face with him. I reached for the baby but he scooted his chair back. I groaned and he smiled, leaning forward, only his face, so that our noses were nearly touching. His hot breath blew in my face. I glared at him. "Give. Me. The. Baby," I ordered. His grin stretched from ear to ear.

"No," he whispered. His breath smelled minty and made my eyes water. I reached for the baby again, lunging across the desk. He didn't have time to back away and I stumbled over the desk and into his lap, smushing the baby between us. He gasped loudly, and everyone's heads turned to look at us. I wrestled him, pushing his arm that was holding me back to his side and snatching the baby from his tight grip. After releasing the baby, he saw oppurtunity, and lightly pushed me off his lap. I hit the floor with an, "Oomph," and a groan. I held Karma up, making sure the fall didn't impact her. This all happened in a matter of three seconds.

"What in the _World _is going on here?!?!" Ms. Bitterman demanded, towering over me from where I lay on the aluminum tiling. I looked up at her scowl and smiled nonchalantly.

"Oh, hey, Ms. Bitterman. How are...things?" I said lamely. She glared.

"Miss Munroe, get off the floor. And I'm expecting both of you to stay after class," she barked.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Chad said. "By both, I hope you mean her and the baby." I swiveled my head to glare at him.

"No, Mr. Cooper. I mean you and her. _And_ the baby. I want to watch you parent the baby, _and _get along, or you're this much closer to an F for your final grade."

"But-"

"More 'buts', Mr. Cooper? Now, Miss Munroe, get off the floor!" She walked back to her desk, and I pushed myself off the floor, sat in my chair, and began bouncing Karma in my lap. Chad burned me with his eyes.

"This is _all your fault_!"

"How???" I demanded.

"You just had to be so stub-"

"Don't say it!" I sneered.

"Stubborn!" He exclaimed.

"You're the stubborn one!" I informed him.

He gasped and held a hand to his heart. "How am_ **I **_the stubborn one?"

"You just _wouldn't _give me the baby!" I nodded my head and shot daggers at him with my eyes. "You call me stubborn, but you're Stubborn Mc. Stubborn-Pants."

"I'm sorry," he said. "I'm _what_?"

"Stubborn Mc. Stubborn-Pants."

"You know, you random's over at Chuckle City have given me some pretty lame nicknames. But that!" He laughed and began again. "That just takes the cake. Bravo, Sonny."

"You are indespicable!"

"You are annoying!"

I opened my mouth to retort, when a little cry escaped Karma's mouth. I looked at her. Her cries grew louder.

"What's wrong with it?" Chad demanded.

"Not it!" I said, and put Karma in his lap.

"What do you mea-?" He stopped short and groaned. "She went to the bathroom, didn't she?"

I snickered into my hand and nodded. "Good luck on diaper duty."

"But there aren't any other diapers," he complained.

"So you should ask Ms. Bitterman." I smirked.

"Aw, man," he complained. He got up from the desk and walked to hers. She looked angry.

I laughed. Maybe this wouldn't be so terrible after all. I get to watch Chad change a dirty diaper. That would just about make my day.

* * *

Blah-blah-blah, here you go (: LOL, I'm watching the new iCarly, and I think I just fell in love with Seddie. x3  
Review, loves. :DDD


	4. After Class

**Title:** Oh, Baby!

**Rating:** T

**Summary: **Ms. Bitterman pairs Sonny and Chad up for a project in health class. Get ready for baby simulators, messy diapers, arguing, crying, loss of sleep, and maybe some love. Channy Multi-chapter xD

* * *

Chad's POV

"Class dismissed," Ms. Bitterman's stern voice bellowed. Then a cool smirk crept across her face. "Except for Sonny and Chad."

"And Karma," Not-So-Sonny said. If looks could kill, Sonny would be dead and Ms. Bitterman would be the culprit. I couldn't be tried as a witness though, considering the fact I was too busy trying to figure out how to put a diaper on a baby. Simulator. Seriously, what is this complex mechanism that is _Huggies_? It was obviously designed with women in mind. Cause I had no freakin' clue what I was doing. Maybe it was _designed by women_. Designed for the sole purpose of embarrasing men (and preventing leakage). I bet there were dozens of YouTube videos with men attempting (and failing) at putting on a diaper. From the makers of _Huggies_. Designed with women and babies in mind. Not men.

The class slowly filed out. I heard Iylio loud whisper to someone, "Chad's been fumbling with that diaper for five minutes. Think he'll ever get it?"

"Heck no!" the other person (Devon, I think. The traitor who likes Sonny) responded. Oh, and Devon's only a traitor becuase we at the Falls don't like those who reside in Chuckle City and call people things like Stubborn Mc. Stubborn-Pants. He's not a traitor for any other reasons that may have been floating in your diminutive heads.

"Oh, my gosh, Chad," Not-So-Sonny vociferated, annoyed. (Like my oh-so-profound vocabulary. See, I'm not dumb. I don't know what Sonny's on, but I'm not dumb). "What's so complicated about a diaper?"

I widened my eyes at Not-So-Sonny. (There's a method to my madness. I've noticed how Sonny's bright and sunny demeanor darkens to rain-clouds when she's around me. Hence, Not-So-Sonny. Plus, it's payback for Stubborn Mc. Stubborn-Pants). "Everything," I retorted.

"Goodness gracious, give it to me," she ordered, holding her hands out to me. Geez, her nails are long. I better not get her _too _mad. She could claw my eyes out. ("You'll shoot your eye out, kid." Don't ask why I felt the compelling need to dredge up _A Christmas Story_. That's a true American classic. And a heck of a movie!).

Somewhere in my train of thought, Sonny snatched the diaper from my hand, her claws - _I mean nails_ - scraping my skin and sending a shiver through my body (Can you blame me? It tickled), and put the diaper on. She made it look so easy.

Maybe I **_was _**dumb.

"Ta-da," She said flatly, gesturing tp her work. "Easy as pie."

I couldn't help but scowl at her. She was talking to me as if I was three. Or Karma. "Yeah, for you. It's in your blood."

It only took a second, but then I felt it. A nice whack to the back of my head. My head snapped forward and pain spread through my cranium. I looked up into the fuming eyes of Sonny Munroe. Her cheeks were suffused with scarlet. "Hey!" I complained. She whacked me again, this time on my forearm. Her nails scratched me, even through my button-up. "Ow, why do you keep hitting me?"

"_What _did you say?" She demanded, raising her hand, warning me.

"Why do you-"

"Before that," she cut me off.

"What? That changing diapers is in your bloo-"

Once again, she cut me off. "You sexist pig!" She exclaimed, slapping my arm again. I could feel it throbbing in pain.

Then, as if re-thinking my statment, she slapped me three more times. In. The. Same. Spot.

_Pain!_

"Ow, ow,_ ow_! Must you keep doing that?"

"I cannot believe you said that!" Her eyes were hectic with anger, and she looked like she wanted to kill me. Once again, if looks could kill...

"Said what? That it's in your blood."

She gasped rather loudly and tried to slap me again. Her hand was mid-way there, but I grabbed it, curling my fingers around her much smaller one's, praying she wouldn't claw me. "Don't you dare," I warned.

Her eyes narrowed, anger flashing through them. She struggled to remove her hand from my grip, but I wouldn't let her. She would no doubt slap me again.

And she did.

After lightly setting Karma on the desk, she used her other hand, the one I was not holding, to slap my other arm. And then pain spread through that one.

"Urgh!" I groaned in pain. She saw opportunity and wiggled her hand out of the restraint I had on hit.

"Geez," She said, rubbing her fingers. "Worse than manacles."

Still rubbing now both my arms (yes, it looked like I was hugging myself), I snapped, "And you would know because..."

She rolled her eyes. "I know people who _love _to play cops."

I gaped at her. "You let a couple of six-year-olds handcuff you?"

"No, Nico and Grady."

I widened my eyes at her, but she didn't pursue it. Instead, she said, "So, because I'm a woman, changing diapers is in my blood?"

"Well, yes, generally."

"Uh, you are such a sexist...cotton-headed-ninny-muggins!"

I gasped, my mouth falling open. She...just..."Did you just quote Will Ferrell at me?" I asked incredulously.

"Yes."

"Oh, so now I'm a cotton-headed-ninny-muggins and not Stubborn Mc. Stubborn-Pants?"

"You're both."

"I can hear you!" A tired Ms. Bitterman finally yelled. "Now sit down and parent your child rather than fight!"

Sonny and I both sat, but we glared, and didn't dare touch Karma.

"Ms. Bitterman," Sonny said, not breaking her gaze with me. "When are you going to let us go?"

"Why? You act like I have something to go home to."

"But I have rehearsal in fifteen minutes!" She whined, wheeling around to finally face Ms. Bitterman. I looked at Sonny's hair. It was pretty.

"I'll let you go in fifteen minutes, then. Just be paitent."

Sonny groaned and turned to face me, whispering, "Easier said than done."

I eyed her for a second, before finally piping up, "Well...we should be taking care of Karma. Feeding her and stuff, right?"

"With _what?_"

Ms. Bitterman apparently heard her, because she said, "Oh, yeah. I forgot to give you the baby basket."

"The _baby basket?!_" Sonny and I said in a simultaneous, never-to-be-repeated unison.

"Yes, the baby basket." She walked toward her closet, opened it, and handed us an Easter basket. So _that's _what everyone was walking out of class with. I thought it was some gay new book bag fad. "It has everything you need. A pack of _Huggies_, a change of outfit, two for a girl and two for a boy. Use them wisely. It also has a bottle, no milk, you'll have to provide that yourself, a pacifier, and several baby toys including a terry cloth cube, which I know, is more of a dog's toy. But my niece loves it, so I thought why not?" She placed it next to Karma on our desk and said, "Enjoy," before walking away.

Sonny reached for the "baby basket" and peered inside. She smiled at it's contents. "Ooh! This is going to be _so _much fun!"

"Whoa, weren't you all pissy seconds ago?" I inquired. She rolled her eyes, her smile staying bright and exuberant.

"Chad, even though you being my partner kind of puts a damper on things, I still think this project it going to be fun. A chance to really shape us into the blossoming young adults we are."

"God, did you read a pamphlet or something?" I nearly choked after her speech. She sounded worse than a volunteer-speaker giving us a speech on how we're, "Growing up and going through changes. Physical and hormonal." Gag.

"I always used to baby-sit my cousins. I guess that's why I'm so excited. Babies are just the sweetest, most angelic things. And I am devoted to this project one-hundred percent. Not even you can bring me down," she stated matter-o-factly.

"We'll see..." I hinted, wiggling my eyebrows. She rolled her eyes and reached into the basket, pulling out a pacifier. She admired it for a second, before gently saying, "Do you want a pacifier, pretty baby?" she asked in that annoying high voice people use around babies. Karma giggled and sighed in response.

"Wait, Ms. Bitterman," I said, "can she hear us?"

Ms. Bitterman looked up from her romance novel. "Yes, Mr. Cooper. She can. And she can respond. Not talk, but respond."

All I could muster up was, "Oh," and look at Karma, with the pacifier hanging from her mouth and her little robo-hands stroking the plastic, hideously colored car keys that Sonny placed in her lap. She was reaching to give her a little teddy bear, but I pushed her hand away. "Please, let's not spoil her."

She nodded in approval, but her face was smug. "That's right, wouldn't want her to grow up and be you."

I gasped at her, but let it drop. She makes things almost too easy.

"Isn't she adorable?" Sonny sighed lovingly.

I blanched. "She's a doll."

"An adorable doll."

"Yeah, okay."

"Chad, must you be such a...What's the word?"

I grinned dazzingly at her and looked into her eyes. "Cotton-headed-ninny-muggins?"

She smiled and flushed. "Yeah, that's the word."

Karma's cry cut through our not-cotton-headed-ninny-muggins-ish moment. I eyed the doll, and it smiled and giggled in pleasure, still stroking the shiny plastic car keys, the pacifier falling from her robotic mouth.

Not-So-Sonny said, "Gosh, she's like a real baby!"

And I said, "Only more robotic."

And Not-So-Sonny mumbled, "Cotton-headed-ninny-muggins!"

"That tears it!" I exclaimed. "I'm watching that movie again! I don't know _any _insults from it!"

She smiled and laughed, picking Karma up and bouncing her on her lap. The keys shook and clanked. "You smell like beef and cheese, you don't smell like Santa," she whispered.

"Thank God," I said airily. "I think it's quite a good thing to not smell like a fat old man who creeps children and leaves 'presents' for them."

"What?!" She laughed.

"Oh, c'mon. Santa's such a creeper. Just listen to that song. 'He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake!'" I sang.

" 'He knows if you've been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake!'," She joined in, smiling a very Sonny smile.

"See, that's such a creeper song," I pointed out.

She covered Karma's ears. "Santa Clause is the God for children everywhere. I don't want you converting my child into a non-believer."

"I think you mean OUR child!"

"Same difference."

I chuckled, and then she joined in. And then Karma's little baby giggle slipped from her mouth. And then the mood seemed joyous.

And it was weird. How one minute, we're at each other's throats, and the next, we're laughing at a corny joke.

A sigh emitted from Ms. Bitterman's mouth. "Alright, I'm tired of you two already, you are free to go."

And we both stopped laughing and stared at each other.

"So...who's taking Karma?"

* * *

"I'm singing. I'm in a store and I'm singing. I'm in a store and I'm SINGGGGGING!"  
"Hey - there's no singing in the North Pole."  
"Yes there is!"  
"No there's not!"  
"We sing all the time!"  
"No there's not!"  
"Especially when we make toys."

ROFL xD. Elf is God. Or Ghandi. (tee-hee...). I feel like rambling, so have you seen any of Bradley Cooper's movies?  
He was in _The Hangover_, _He's Just Not That Into You_, and _Yes Man! _Those are the only movies I've seen so far with him.  
And he's HOT HOT HOT! x333 Jeeezus, he's one hot dude. Not nearly as hot as CDC...  
I'm probably boring you, so, byeee(:


	5. Rehearsal

**Title:** Oh, Baby!

**Rating:** T

**Summary: **Ms. Bitterman pairs Sonny and Chad up for a project in health class. Get ready for baby simulators, messy diapers, arguing, crying, loss of sleep, and maybe some love. Channy Multi-chapter xD

* * *

Sonny's POV

So I ended up with Karma. Chad told me it was revenge for making him change a dirty diaper, but I didn't really mind. I liked mothering Karma. Oh, and Chad also said, and I quote, "Mackenzie Falls is serious business. There shall be no crying dolls on the set of the most provocative teen drama on television." Gosh, he can be so vain sometimes. But, all as well, it ends well. I think that's what they say. I'm not quite sure.

I gently placed Karma on Marshall's lap (he volunteered to hold the babies, which may have been a bad idea, because now there were four babies on his lap and he looked quite uncomfortable). I smiled, ruffled his hair a little, and skipped to the set where the digitalized water fall fell behind us. I looked at my plaid skirt and clean cut vest. If you haven't guessed already, we were doing a parody of _Mackenzie Falls_. I was Portlyn and Grady was Mackenzie. It was our job to make the show look as ridiculous as possible. Which is kind of ironic. _Mackenzie Falls_ is already ridiculous.

"Action!" Marshall called in a strained voice, trying to coddle all the babies. He looked extremely uncomfortable. I ignored him and put on my sad face.

"Mackenzie!" I cried, reaching out to him. He went to jump away from my touch, but fell over a bench. It was on purpose, of course, and he landed on discreet padding that we worked into the set. He rose and brushed off his blazer like nothing happened.

"Portlyn, no!" He overacted, as the script had said. He flailed his arms in triumph as he spoke. "Don't make this any farter, oof, harder - sorry about that-" He blushed and waved the air around his fanny. It was already going good. "-Than it has to be."

"Gosh, Mackenzie, what have you been eating?" I held my nose and made my eyes water. "And you can't do this, Mackenzie, you just can't!"

"Alas, I must, fair maiden. Once fall comes back to the falls, I can't be seen with you!"

"Why?!" I cried/demanded. I was suppressing a smile, and Nico and Tawni were laughing.

"Frankly, Portlyn, you smell like swiss cheese. I can't be seen with a girl who smells like foreign cheese. Now if you smelled like American..."

"Please!" I begged. "I'll roll around in cheddar, just-"

"WHAT IN THE WORLD IS GOING ON HERE?!?!" A whine demanded. Grady's eyebrows knitted together, but I already knew who it was. I turned to face him.

"Yes, Chad?" I said sweetly, rocking back and forth on my toes.

"You guys are making a mockery of _Mackenzie Falls_!" he exclaimed.

"How'd you know about this?" Grady asked. Chad eyed him in disgust.

"We over at the Falls heard rumors, and they sent me over to check it out. I can't believe it's true!"

"What? We're just adding our own Random twist to your sucky show," I said, smirking at him. His mouth hung open. "Ooh," I added. "You might want to close your mouth. Wouldn't want to catch a fly."

Behind me, laughs emitted from my castmates. I laughed with them, humor suppressing the guilt that balled up inside me. Chad's eyes flashed with anger, and the guilt rose to the surface again. He was, in all technicalities, the father of my child. I should be treating him better. But around my castmates, I felt like I needed to be a jerk. Like he was to me around his fellow actors. It was something that just seem to be set with us. But when we were alone, we were _okay_. Only, _okay_. Nothing more than _okay_.

"Sonny, Cloudy," He said, glaring at Grady. "If you're going to make a mockery of _Mackenzie Falls_..." He warned.

"It already makes a mockery of itself," I butt in. His mouth closed and his eyes narrowed.

**_Sonny, you are a terrible person_** - a distant part in my mind informed me.

But I already knew that.

"Ignoring," he said. Then he turned to Grady. "What is with all the arm movement and overacting? What are you trying to be?"

"You," slipped from my mouth before I could stop it. He turned on me now. His glare made my skin prickle. I tried to bite back my guilt, but it overruled me. "Sorry," I apologized, hanging my head low. "That was uncalled for."

"Kinda," He hinted, ducking his head into my line of vision. His face was close to mine. I swallowed. "Sonny, where's Karma?"

"With Marshall." I nodded my head towards Marshall, but, Chad's face being close to mine made our foreheads bump together. He hissed in slight pain and backed away from me a little.

"Well, you should be taking care of her instead of making fun of me."

"Chad, I'm at rehearsal. Why don't _you _take care of _our _baby?"

"No, because I'm at rehearsal too," he informed me.

"Actually, it looks like you're on our set." And with my head held high, I skipped past him to Marshall, cradled Karma in my arms, and skipped back to Chad. I held her out to him. He didn't take her. "Chad," I hinted. "Here's Karma."

"I don't want here," he said indignantly. He looked away. I grabbed his chin, and swiveled his head to look back at me.

"Yeah, hi. Here's your baby, now take her."

"Why should I?" He pondered rather rudely. I smiled at him and cocked my head the side.

"You barged onto our set. So, for revenge purposes only, you can take Karma. You asked where she was anyway."

"I was concerned about your parenting."

"As I am about your's."

He glared.

And then I did too.

And then Marshall said, "Kids, we have to get back to rehearsal! Can we pick this conversation up later?"

"Fine," I said.

"Fine," Chad said.

"FINE!"

"FINE!"

"GOOD!"

"GOOD!" He yelled.

I thrust Karma out toward him.

He made no move to grab her. "Take her!" I yelled. Nothing happened for another long ten seconds.

"Oh, for God's sake, I'll take her!" Tawni finally yelled, grabbing Karma from me. She began to cry and I winced. Chad's head lolled back. He grunted quietly.

"Tawni!" I screeched. She rolled her eyes and began to rock Karma back and forth roughly. It was a terrifying sight to see.

"GOSH," Chad yelled. "Give me her."

Karma's cries ceased as soon as Tawni placed her in Chad's arms and he lulled her into sleep. I let out the terrified breath I was holding. Chad leveled his gaze with mine. "Meet me outside after your little charade."

"Fine," I said snarkly.

And then he yelled, "Fine!"

So I yelled, "FINE!"

And he yelled, "GOOD!"

And before I had a chance to say something, my entire cast yelled, "GOODBYE!"

"Goodbye," he snarled, before spinning on his heels and storming out of the set. I watched him go, before turning around and looking at everyone.

"Let's just get back to the sketch."

* * *

After, the sketch, I paced around the parking lot, baby basket clutched tightly in my hand. Chad's shiny car was nowhere in sight. I "urgh"-ed. Where was he? Rehearsal for him was done twenty minutes ago. He was so dead when he got here. Several people passed, giving me quirky looks, but I ignored them. He had Karma. He better be taking care of her.

After five more minutes of nervous pacing, I heard the quiet roar of an engine and crunching gravel. I looked up. Chad was there, looking sleek as ever in slick black shades. Karma sat buckled up in the front seat, wearing identical glasses. I couldn't help but laugh.

"What is this?" I asked, still laughing, gesturing to Karma.

"This is me making our baby look professional," He stated, popping the lock of the of the passenger door. I opened it, unbuckled Karma, and took her seat, placing her on my lap.

"So are you giving me a ride home?" I asked, running my fingers around the rim of Karma's shades.

"No," he said. My finger froze on the lens.

"What?"

"We have to take care of this baby together, so you will be calling your mom and telling her that you're spending the next week at Tawni's because you have early rehearsal and her mom doesn't mind driving you, I will take you home, you will pack, and you will stay at my house."

"Are you _kidding _me?!" I yelled. He shushed me.

"Listen, I hate this just as much as you do, but Ms. Bitterman said we have to do this. I asked her because Portlyn told me she's dreading staying at Grady's. So we just learn to deal with this week, and then it's over, okay?"

"But-"

"No, no 'buts'. Let's just learn to deal, please? I want an A. And I know you do to, Ms. Perfection. So-" He plucked my cell phone from my sweater pocket and placed it in my palm. "-Call your mom."

We stared at each other. I pressed speed dial one, held the phone to my ear. And waited.

_Ring._

_Ring._

_Ring._

"Sonny?"

"Hi, mom."

* * *

So this is sucky. I'm having major writers block. And I might not be on for the next few days  
so I rushed through it to get it out. So, your welcome! Gosh, I want to see the new Harry Potter  
SO BAD! I'm going on Sunday, but I can't wait. Grr, if you saw it, tell me if it was good or not. But don't  
tell me what happened. I'll kick your virtual butt. x333 ;)


	6. Chad's House Part One

**Title:** Oh, Baby!

**Rating:** T

**Summary: **Ms. Bitterman pairs Sonny and Chad up for a project in health class. Get ready for baby simulators, messy diapers, arguing, crying, loss of sleep, and maybe some love. Channy Multi-chapter xD

**A/N: **OMFG! Almost one-hundred reviews?! THANK YOU! ILYx3

**Dedication: **_TrinityFlower of Memories_ for being super sweet and fun to talk to. ;)

* * *

Chad's POV

I was none too thrilled about Sonny staying at my house. Let's face it: I wasn't thrilled _at all_. But it wasn't as if I was dreading this situation. I was more..._anxious_. Scared. Jumpy. Having Son-shine Sonny Munroe spend the next week at my house would definitely arouse the snooping senses of Santiago Geraldo. We would have to be super-sneaky about our situation. That's what I was anxious about. Well, that and the fact that she's Sonny Munroe, my mortal enemy that was put on this Earth for the sole destruction of destroying me. At least, that's what I thought.

The car ride there was silent and _awkward_. Sonny occasionally spoke to Karma, eyes bright and shiny. She looked genuinely loving. I secretly watched her in my peripheral vision. She looked so caring toward the baby. It made me want to gag and smile all at the same time. I did neither. Instead, I leaned back and drove, fidgeting with the radio every few minutes to find a decent song. Sonny sometimes sang as she played with Karma's bear. Karma looked as happy as a doll can be. Sonny looked as happy as any Sonny across America could be. I probably looked bored, but I was actually quite entertained.

Minutes ticked by in silence. I wondered what Sonny would think when she found out about my parents. What would that make her think of me, as a person? Would she see less of me? These were the dreaded questions that bounced around in my head.

"And he got away with the girls in the back, acting like their too hot to dance," she sang smoothly, her voice reverberating beautifully in my car. Sonny had some serious vocal skills. I tried to retain it, but a smile spread across my lips. She noticed.

"Enjoying the show?" she pondered, beaming at me. Sonny was always beaming. A beautiful, beautiful beam that could light up any room.

"Hmm," I pretended to consider. I pursed my lips. "Maybe. A different song choice would make this show a little more entertaining."

"You don't like Cobra Starship?" She was incredulous. How could she be _incredulous_? Isn't it possible to believe that there's someone out there who doesn't like Cobra Starship? Alas, she was wrong anyway. I _loved _Cobra Starship.

"I don't like Leighton Meester."

A second ticked by before she said, "WHAT?! But she's on _Gossip Girl_!"

"Which is exactly why I don't like her. I hate _Gossip Girl_!"

I might as well have said I hated her mother, because the next thing I knew, she was yelling, "_WHAT THE HECK?! _HOW CAN YOU NOT LIKE _GOSSIP GIRL_?!?!"

Karma's cry saved me from answering, but I knew she hadn't dropped it. Once she lulled her into sleep, she turned on me. "Well?"

"I just don't like it, okay. Now, when I turn on this street, which house is yours?"

She rolled her eyes at me. "Fourth house on the left."

It only took a minute, but I pulled into her driveway, the soothing crunch of gravel in my ears. She unbuckled her seat belt, placed Karma on my lap and began to get out, when I said, "Don't take long, CDC doesn't like waiting."

Annoyance flashed across her features. "Whatever," she said, then slammed the door shut. I blinked. On the radio, the Jonas Brothers came on.

"I make the most of all the stress," Nick's whiny little pop-boy voice traveled to my ears, and I immediately reached to change the station, when Karma fell off my lap and onto the floor of the car. Her cries came almost directly after. It cried like a real baby, which is just creepy. I reached for her, but at the same time, my forehead hit the steering wheel, which in turn, made it honk, which thrummed loudly in my ears. I bolted upright, only to see out of the corner of my eye, Sonny in her bedroom window, poking her tongue out at me, looking annoyed and pissed. Now Sonny was mad, Karma was crying, my head hurt, and the Jonas Brothers were still on the radio. What a great way to begin the day. Again, I more carefully reached for Karma, trying to ignore those screechy little voices of the Jonas Fags. (A/N: Don't kill me, I somewhat like the Jonas Brothers, _somewhat_, but I'm trying to see from Chad's perspective). And then?

A flashbulb went off. My body tensed, Karma's cries got louder, and I saw a man jump from the bushes, a camera in hand, seeming genuinely happy. Scumbag paparazzi. What. A. Douche. Before I knew what I was doing, I popped open the car door, and slowly climbed out. Karma was _still _crying. And now Sonny was staring wide-eyed out of her window, a peasant blouse in her fist. She looked terrified. The man turned to me, and began to glide toward me. He reeked of sweat and douche-ness. He smiled toothily (only not really, because he was missing a few teeth. Gross). "Well, well, well. Chad Dylan Cooper waiting for Sonny Munroe with a crying baby while listening to the Jonas Brothers? What quality news! I oughtta get this over to that San Francisco clown."

I held my hands up, palms facing him, and tried to compromise. "First, it's Santiago."

He shot me a death glare.

"San Francisco's good too." I shrugged and used my persuasive voice. I tried not to sound scared, but it didn't really work. "And, c'mon, do you really want to do that?"

His language would only be heard in an R-rated movie. I'll bleep it for family matters. That's the last thing I need. Angry mom's on my case, and little kids running around, gossiping about, "the new word they learned". "Listen, _BLEEP_, of course Ima shend it San Fran-_BLEEPING_-Cisco. Who the _BLEEP _do you think you are, anyway? You're jusht a _BLEEPING BLEEP _drama star. You're _BLEEPING _rich. _BLEEPING BLEEPER BLEEP_!" (A/N: The typo's were on purpose). His words were slurred and blurry. And I dimly recognized what his douche-y scent was. Alcohol. Of course. He's been drinking. A drunken, colorful language paparazzi who, apparently, hated slash stalked me. Gee, what a way to start my week with Sonny.

I stepped toward him, somewhat regretting it. He coughed and smiled, drool dripping off his lower lip. My stomach rolled with nausea. "Listen, man," I began, trying to come up with an Oscar-winning speech. "I can tell that life is rough for you-"

"How can you tell?" he asked with disdain. I glanced up at Sonny's window, only to see her still peering at us, but now the window was open. She was listening.

"I can just tell. I'm good at reading people. But that doesn't give you the right to act like a-" I searched my mind for the right word. Douche seemed a bit cruel.

"A _BLEEP_-hole?" He asked, smiling a smarmy smile. I shrugged and nodded slightly in agreement.

"Life is always gonna be rough. You think celebrities get everything handed to them on a silver platter, but that's just the image we're supposed to give off. Personally, I don't like it that much. That we're exploited so much and our lives look like cake and ice cream. It's not anything like that. It's more like...brussel sprouts. Now imagine living like brussel sprouts. We can't do anything in the public eye without being mauled by paparazzi or fans. It may sound like the good like, AKA, cake and ice cream, but it's the farthest thing from it, or, in other words, brussel sprouts."

Okay, maybe not Oscar winning speech. More, daytime-Emmy. Hey, maybe the Heart Association Of America would give me an award for mentioning brussel sprouts. Several times!

"Put yourself in my shoes, would you want to be in my position?"

His eyes were moist. Maybe it really got to him. "You're sho right, man. I'm SHO SHORRY!" He cried, launching at me with open arms. I tried to back away, but it was, unfortunately, too late. His smelly arms enveloped me in a bear hug. Karma's crying made him let go. I had forgotten all about her. Man, if she were a real baby, she'd be feeling really neglected.

"You should really gettothat," he rushed his words. Then he raised the camera high into the air. "And I should really get to thishhhhh," he proudly proclaimed, throwing the camera onto the ground. It shattered into pieces. He smiled proudly. Just to be careful, I reached down and picked up the memory card, which seemed completely unscathed. I slipped discreetly into my pocket. Then I grabbed Karma from the car floor and began to rock her back and forth. Smelly Not-Douche looked at her and grinned.

"She's purrrrrrty," he cooed, touching her cheek. When he moved his hand, the was a smudge of oil on her cheek. I wiped it off with my finger and cringed. It wasn't oil. "She looks jusht like you-ooooo-oo!" he sang wildly, throwing his head back. Then he ran. Yelling, "Thanks sho much!" He pretended to fly, spreading his wings, and ran, until, then he disappeared. The door opened. Sonny was there.

"Your mom didn't see me, did she?" I panicked, diving into the car, shutting the door and ducking my head down. She walked to the other side of the car, placed her napsack in and sat down. She buckled her seatbelt, grabbed Karma from me, and shushed her and cooed her and kissed her forehead. Then she said,

"Relax, she's at work. Now let's go. Before creep photographer comes back. Nice speech, by the way." She smiled at me and reached for the radio. By now, a Jason Mraz song was on. She hit one of my presets and smiled as soon as the song came on. "Oh, I love this song!" she squealed and began singing. I didn't really know the song, so I just listened to her. "Well, you treat me just like another stranger. Well, it's nice to meet you, sir. I guess I'll go, I best be on my way out!" she sang, her vocals working their magic on Karma. She smiled. Then Sonny turned to me and grinned. "I love Paramore."

"This is Paramore?" I questioned. It did sound like the lead singer, Hayley, now that I thought about it. And it had a good beat.

"Yupperie, the song's called 'Ignorance'." She beamed and began singing again. By now, we were gunning it to my house. The whole ride was filled with Sonny's magical vocals. That is, until I pulled into my driveway. Then her jaw hung low. (Does your haw hang low, does it wobble to the floor?). She stared in awe. I admit, my house looked big on the outside. But it was even bigger inside. Big and lonely. The house was at least three acres, but it only had five or six bedrooms. Mine, my parents, and now one for Sonny. My parents' bedroom couldn't really be considered their's, because well-

They weren't here.

But anyway, the rest of the rooms were just offices, and one was a game room. That wasn't enough to keep me company.

"Sonny, I think we should go inside now." I was already out of the car, but Sonny still sat, buckled up, like she was in a trance. I snapped, and she jumped, before looking at me.

"Oh-sorry, sorry," she looked mortified. "It's just so...beautiful."

"Oh," I said awkwardly. "Thanks. Now let's go."

She quickly emerged from the car, bag in hand, Karma on hip, and caught up to me, stumbling over the cobble-stoned driveway.

"Chad, what are your parents going to think of this?" she pondered, which made me freeze, but only for a moment. I quickly regained my footing. Oh Sonny. Poor, naive Sonny. Why must you ask the most-innocent, yet hardest-to-answer questions? How could I explain to her that my parents were heartless, soul-less people and they just didn't care about me?

"They're, um, n-not here," I stammered.

Sonny seemed nonchalant. "Oh. Where are they?"

Okay, truth time. Which wouldn't be easy. Maybe if I played it off as no big deal, she wouldn't interrogate me. "I don't know. Somewhere in England. Bristol, I think." (A/N: Skins reference :D). I shrugged, like it was just as natural as we were discussing the weather.

Sonny grabbed my arm. And squeeed it. But gently. "Chad, what do you mean?" She spoke softly.

"I mean, that they're not here. Haven't been for months. They just come to check on me, cash my paycheck, and go to the next country on their list. I haven't seen them in a few months. Three, I think." Inside, a little piece of my heart was breaking.

I unlocked the door. Sonny followed me in, and I hoped by her silence that this was the end of the subject.

It wasn't.

"So...you live here, all alone?"

I wheeled around to face her. She decided to perch herself, her bag, and Karma on the edge of my couch. Karma was asleep. Her little eyes closed, and her little lips pursed. "Yeah, but it doesn't bother me, so don't feel bad for me," I warned her.

She smiled nervously. "I'm going to anyway."

I sort of laughed and sighed sadly at the same time. It sounded like a hiccup.

"So, um," she began. "Where am I...going to...sleep?" she stammered, warm red creeping into her face.

I laughed at her. "Pick any room you like upstairs. As long as it's not mine."

"Ew!" She said, then, when I made a face at her, laughed and galloped up the stairs, bag in hand.

And I laughed at her. And Karma slept peacefully. And once again, order was restored in the animal kingdom.

* * *

Ta-da! Lmfao, so yeah, I got really sloppy toward the end. Because it's getting late and I still have to shower and clean my nose ring (uh-huh, I got it pierced xD),  
and I've had to pee for the past twenty minutes but I've been holding it in so I could get this up. So yeah, if you'll excuse me now, I'm gonna pee. Enjoy (the story, people!).


	7. Chad's House Part Two: Cribs and Things

**Title:** Oh, Baby!

**Rating:** T

**Summary: **Ms. Bitterman pairs Sonny and Chad up for a project in health class. Get ready for baby simulators, messy diapers, arguing, crying, loss of sleep, and maybe some love. Channy Multi-chapter xD

**A/N: **"New York, I love you, but you're bringing me. New York, I love you, but you're bringing me down. Like a rat in a cage, pulling minimum wage. New York, I love you, but you're bringing me down."

* * *

Sonny's POV

**Three Random Facts About Chad Dylan Cooper:**

_1) He has one sparkly eye._

_2) He has a Zac Efron dartboard in his room._

_3) He lives alone._

Those were the facts retained, so far, in the past twenty minutes I've spent with him. And about the last one, I was just as shocked as you are. It's just so sad that his parents don't care about his wellfare. Only his money. And then he brushed it off as no big deal, and even told me not to feel sorry for him. As if! I felt _very _sorry for him. Chad, as arrogant and cocky as he is, doesn't deserve to be alone. He should have someone to keep him company. Like a housekeeper or a relative. No one deserves what he has. It's technically abandonment, which is against the law. And Chad doesn't even care.

Even though Chad was, well, Chad, he needed someone to care for him. It didn't seem like many people did. But I do. Chad was nice when it mattered. I wouldn't admit it, but I did care for him.

I cared a lot.

_Shake it off, Sonny!_

Which is what I intended to do. Caring for Chad Dylan Cooper was okay...as long as Chad Dylan Cooper didn't know. It would only feed his majorly large ego.

Another minute passed. Twenty-one minutes that I've been standing in the middle of Chad's room, feeling a little stalker-ish, but just soaking it in. The Zac Efron dartboard, the satin gold queen sized bed. The few garments strewn across the floor. The large oak wood computer desk. And the little teddy bear that sat on the floor. It was missing an eyeball and a little torn up, but it had sentimental value. I could tell. It made me tear up a bit.

Gosh, that baby was really getting to me. I usually didn't care for Chad Dylan Cooper, but now I did, because of Karma. Because that little doll was showing me what was good in life. That sounds pathetic, considering she's a doll, but go get yourself a baby simulator. You'll see what I mean. It gives you caring feelings that just make you feel tingly and good inside. It's beautiful.

I finally decided to move, to touch. I first touched the dartboard. There were many, many, _many _holes in it. Then I touched the computer keyboard. Running my fingers over it. A clinking sound traveled to my ears.

Then I touched the bear. It's brown "fur" was soft to the touch. A few places were crusty, some were worn, but others were just soft. I picked it up and held it. Held it to my heart. It's aroma was a sweet one. An odd, sweet smell. Gosh, I was really going mad. I was clasping Chad Dylan Cooper's teddy bear to my chest! There should be a group therapy for people like me. People who cared just a smidge too much. There were probably many other people out there clasping their mortal enemy's teddy bear to their chest_ right_ _now_. Okay, I'll admit, that _does _sound stalker-ish. Creepy, even. But sweet, right?

I guess this teddy reminded me of how vulnerable and kind Chad can really be. Chad Dylan Cooper owns a teddy bear? No one would believe me if I told them. And the fact that Chad just leaves it out in the open, like he's not even embarrassed just shows the real side of Chad. The side that isn't a jerkthrob. The sweet, caring, adorable, loveable side that just-

"Sonny?" Chad's voice questioned. I whirled around to face him, my napsack and his teddy falling from my hands and hitting the floor. That's where his eyes went. And then they widened. "Why...are you...what...huh?" he stammered, unable to speak. Bright scarlet red flooded his cheeks. His mouth was slack. And he leaned on the doorframe, shielding his face with his hand. The only sound was our controlled breathing. "Why...how come...you...here...my room..." He took a deep breath and tried again. "Why...you here?" was the only sentence he managed to utter. He was in a complete state of shock, and I was just embarrassed to be caught. He moved his hand, the high color the flared up his cheekbones dying down to slight pink.

"I, um," I closed my mouth, swallowed, and tried again. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't be in here-"

"Obviously," he added. I nodded and hung my head down.

"Sorry," I whispered. I stooped to the ground, picked up my bag, and started toward the door. I slid past Chad, but he grabbed my hand and pulled me toward him. I gasped.

"You tell _no one _about my bear, is that clear?" he whispered harshly. I could feel his breath. It made my heart race. (A/N: "Say what's that sound? It's my heartbeat. It's getting much louder, my heartbeat. Is stronger than ever!")

"Crystal," I said. It came out more bitterly than I wanted. He glared. I did too. He held onto me for a second longer than necessary, then he let me go. His casual bored expression was back.

"You're room can be right there?" He pointed to the one across the hall. Then he grabbed my bag, went to the door, opened it, and threw the bag in. He shut the door and shrugged. "Karma can bunk with you."

I shook my head at him. "We'll alternate. One night, she'll sleep with me, then the next, with you. But haven't you got anything she can sleep in?"

It was his turn to shake his head. "I can check in the basement. But under one condition."

I waited a second, but when he didn't answer, I said, "Which is...?"

He smirked. "You change her diaper."

I rolled my eyes. "So that's why you came up here? To tell me that she went?"

He shrugged. "Pretty much, yeah. So, uh, you get to that and I will scower my clustered basement for a throne worthy enough of Queen Karma." He held his head regally in the air. I giggled slightly. He turned and thundered down the stairs. I followed suit. Soon he was racing to a door that looked like a hall closet. When he opened it, we were greeted by a flight of stairs.

"Go, change diaper!" He said, then disappeared into the darkness. I followed Karma's familiar cry, until I saw her laying on the kitchen table, diaper-less, a wrinkled, twisted diaper laying next to her. _At least he tried_. I picked up the soiled diaper and the not-soiled diaper and threw it in the silver garbage pail. Then I grabbed a fresh _Huggie _and began to fasten it on Karma. I put it on correctly, making sure it was tight enough not to fall off, and picked her up and held her in my arms. She was smiling, fresh tears drying up on her cheeks. How she cries and produces wastes, I have no idea. Then, I decided she was hungry. I held her against my hip and went into the living room, where the baby basket sat on the couch. I grabbed the yellow jungle animals bottle out and walked to Chad's fridge. Then, being very careful, I set the bottle down, opened the fridge with my free hand, and grabbed the carton of milk that was waiting for me. I kicked the fridge shut and twisted the cap off the bottle. I popped the milk carton opened, filled it up halfway, and walked to the microwave. It was silver and chrome. Mine wasn't nearly as fancy. I popped it open, placed the bottle in, and pressed in twenty seconds. I closed it and started it.

"Are you hungry, Karma?" I cooed.

She giggled.

"That's right, pretty girl. You _are _hungry!" I giggled and made noises. She giggled her little baby giggle. "Awh, you're so sweet, pretty baby. Yes you are."

She smiled. And then the microwave beeped. I opened it and grabbed the bottle. Then I shook it roughly to get rid of the hotspots. After a few seconds of shaking, I dotted a bit of it onto the inside of my wrist. It was a nice warm temperature. I put the bottle in her mouth, and her little hands went to grip the base. She smiled and suckled the milk. _Oh my gosh, where does it go?_

Well, that's just another unsolved mystery.

When the bottle was almost empty, I heard it. A loud bang from below me. I looked at the floor and remembered Chad was in the basement. That was the source of the bang. I rushed to the door, still holding Karma, but it swung open, to reveal a coughing Chad. Black dust covered his shirt and hair. He coughed dust and smelled of mothballs. He squinted at me.

"I found my old crib, but I need help getting up. Also, it's a bit covered in dust." He coughed again.

I eyed him. "A bit?"

"Just put drinking Karma down and come help me. Please?"

I groaned. I walked to the couch and placed Karma down gently. She held the bottle firmly and the liquid was running low. I rushed back to the door. He was at the bottom of the stairs.

"C'mon," he said without turning around. I rushed down the stairs after him. There weren't many things. A couch and a matching loveseat, a flatscreen TV, and a few plastic boxes stacked here and there. And then, a cream white crib with a aquarium mobile spinning above it. It was covered in thick layer of dust, but it was beautiful. Other than that, it was clean. We would just need a little Windex and a roll of paper towels. That oughtta do the trick.

"It's...beautiful," I marveled. He turned to smile at me, then walked around to it. He grabbed one side and said, "Come help." I walked to the other side, gripped the bar, and said,

"Lift."

We did.

It was heavy.

"Urgh," I groaned. He let out a loud breath and said in a strained voice,

"Just hold on and let's go up the stairs. I'll go first." He began to spin around, and I followed his lead. He walked backward toward the stairs. And then he groaned as he lifted it up and descended up the stairs. We lifted in sync, occasionally making slight noises of strain. Then, when we reached the top, he stopped.

"This is pointless," he said. I stopped and the crib nearly slipped from my grip.

"What?!?" I demanded.

"We still have another flight of stairs, and, if we're alternating, we'll have to move it from room to room each night."

I sat there, pondering for a second. But then it hit me. "Better idea. Since you're living room is bigger than Rhode Island," I joked, "we could just put the crib out there and sleep there."

He considered. "Hmm, I can sleep on the couch and you on the love seat?"

"Well we're not gonna sleep together," I pointed out. He made a disgusted face. "Now let's just carry it out to the living room."

He groaned, but complied, and lifted his end. Together, we strained to carry it to the living room, but made it, and set it right by the window. I flopped next to Karma on the couch, my arm muscles burning. I noticed she was asleep, her bottle on the floor. I laughed to myself and picked it up. I walked into Chad's kitchen and washed it for at least several minutes, before putting it on the counter to let it dry. I walked back out to the living, only to be greeted with the sight of Chad sleeping peacefully on the couch, Karma resting on his lap. I smiled and sat next to him, touching his forearm. His slight snoring stopped, and I looked into his face, not moving my hand. He was looking at me through half-lidded eyes...and smiling. He leaned into me, resting his head atop mine. I curled up to him, not even caring he was my worst enemy, and fell asleep, just like this. Happy, and content.

* * *

**Dialogue of the Day:  
**"Vampires can go out during the day!"  
"Since when?"  
"Since Stephenie Meyer created _Twilight_!"

Lol, good times at family dinner! ;)


	8. The Author Couldn't Think Of A Title

**Title:** Oh, Baby!

**Rating:** T

**Summary: **Ms. Bitterman pairs Sonny and Chad up for a project in health class. Get ready for baby simulators, messy diapers, arguing, crying, loss of sleep, and maybe some love. Channy Multi-chapter xD

* * *

Chad's POV

_Giggle._

_Giggle, giggle._

_Tap, tap, tap._

...

_What the hell?_

My eyelids were heavy and felt as they had been sewn shut as I slowly opened them. Everything was, well...blurry. _Giggle_. I wiped the sleep from my eyes, and looked around. I was in my living room.

Then I remembered. I was asleep on the couch with Karma. That was the source of giggling and - _tap, tap _- tapping. I looked down at her. She was tapping my leg and giggling. Which was a scary sight to see.

Wait - what was leaning on me? It felt...like a person. I looked down and saw Sonny, head on my chest, curled up to me. Oh, it's just Sonny.

...

OHMYGOD!

I jumped up quickly, Karma falling from my lap to the floor. She cried. But I was more focused on Sonny as she crashed onto the couch. Then stirred. Her eyes opened and she looked up at me. Then at crying-Karma. She blinked, confusion on her features. She wrenched upright immediately, and looked dizzy. Her head rocked from side-to-side for a second. "Whoa," she said in a hoarse, I-just-woke-up voice. She leaned down and grabbed Karma off the floor, rocking her gently until her tears stopped. It only took a matter of seconds. Then she looked at me sleepily. "What's wrong?" she croaked.

I shuddered, trying to stop the tingling that spread from my head to my toes. I'm ashamed to say this so I'll say it fast...IalmostlikedhavingSonnysleepingonme. I panicked at first, I guess. Oh, and if you tell anyone about that, I will resort to sending hollow threats that will never follow through. Got it? "Um..." I began. "Bad dream, sorry. I freaked out." Okay, I lied. I'm going to hell. But... if Sonny fell back asleep on me, it would be completely worth it-

WHATAMISAYING?

Gosh, I never noticed how completely idiotic and crazy I can be when I just wake up. I wasn't myself. Cause see, myself would've told Sonny, "Nobody falls asleep on Chad Dylan Cooper...unless there cute." And then I would give her a dose of my charming eyes, and she'd retaliate, and that would be that. I was out of it. I needed a drink (water, dumbasses. I hate that when people say they need a drink, others automatically think, ALCOHOL! There's more to life than beer...). I walked into the kitchen, leaving behind Sonny, who at the moment, was speaking like a fool to Karma. She kept saying, "Pretty girl, pretty girl."

I grabbed a glass from the cupboard and turned the faucet on. Liquid, ahh. My dry mouth was soon hydrated, but I still didn't feel like myself. I felt, weird. Like, I was out of my skin. Gosh, I sound so, "Woe is me." I guess I needed some time, you know, just to return to normal. It doesn't happen straightaway, you know. Did I just say "straightaway"? Somebody slap me, I need help. Why am I internally battling myself?

GOSH.

"Chad, are you okay?" Sonny asked, appearing in the kitchen doorway, Karma bundled up in a little baby blanket. I guess my face was contorted for her to question me. Chad Dylan Cooper's face never gets contorted. Told you I was out of it. I just shrugged, and she bunched her eyebrows together. But she let it drop and walked past me, to the counter where she picked up a bottle. Then she walked over to me. "Hold Karma for me?" she asked, eyes twinkling. _Gah_.

"Sure," I said in an unsteady voice. She frowned, but placed Karma in my arms and went to my fridge. She grabbed the milk carton and began to prepare a bottle for Karma. I looked down at the baby. She was smiling. _Creepy..._I swear, it looked like a porcelain doll from a horror movie. It made goosepimples rise along the length of my arm. Soon, Sonny was back and taking Karma from me. She put the bottle in her creepy horror-movie-like mouth. I looked away.

"Chad, are you sure you okay?" She said, "You look odd." She walked towards me, and I remained stiff. She touched the side of my face. _Gulp_. Seriously, something was wrong with me.

"I'm fine. I promise," I said. She didn't move her hand for another second. My stomach slowed it's flipping.

Okay, I think I'm coming down with the flu. Swine, even. I must be close to my deathbed to even be the tiniest bit attracted to the ray of Son-shine that stood before me in all her Son-shiney goodness. "Maybe I'm a bit hungry," I said, though I wasn't really. I walked to the freezer and scanned it for anything. Then I saw it. "Oh, I'll make some _Ellio's_," I said, pulling the box of square-shaped pizza from the freezer.

Sonny laughed. "What?" I asked. She didn't answer, just laughed a little more. "WHAT?" I demanded. She sighed and shook her head.

"It's _Ellio's_, Chad," she said, which would seem okay, only she pronounced it 'Eel-lio's', not 'El-lio's'. It's not 'Eel-lio's'.

"No, it's _**El**lio's_," I reprimanded her.

She laughed again. "Uh, Chad, it's _**Eel**lio's_. Always has been. Always will be."

I rolled my eyes and opened the box. I pulled four slices out, put them on a cooking plate (A/N: IDK what it's called :X), and put it on the counter to let the oven heat up. "Maybe it was _**Eel**lio's _in Wisconsin, but here on planet Earth, it's _**El**lio's_."

She scoffed, bouncing back and forth as she burped Karma. The bottle, now empty, was on the granite countertops. "Chad - everyone knows it's _Eellio's_, despite the spelling. It's an italian thing."

"Oh, so you're italian?" I questioned sarcastically, finally sticking the pizza's in the very warm oven. I blew on my hot fingers.

"No, but my friend back in Wisconsin, Ashleigh, is. She told me the correct pronunciation. It's _Eellio's_."

I spoke slowly. "You're friend is in-cor-rect. Maybe she believes it's _Eellio's_, but people with a brain know that it's _Ellio's_."

"It's _Eellio's_," she exclaimed, visibly annoyed. "Just because Chad Dylan Cooper says it's _Ellio's _doesn't make it _Ellio's_!"

"It doesn't?" I joked. She didn't laugh.

"Let's look at it this way," She said. "It's a You-Say-Tomato-I-Say-Tomata type thing. And just because your pronunciation is wrong doesn't mean I should judge you for it."

"You got it backwards, just because _you _are pronouncing it wrong, doesn't mean that _I _should judge _you_." I laughed at her gaping jaw.

"It's _Eellio's_," she said, slowly and breathlessly.

I smiled and chuckled. "Yeah, I know, it's _Ellio's_." That really pissed her off.

"Gah!" she screamed. "I give up on you!"

"Good," I said.

So she said, "Good!"

And I said, "Fine!"

And she said, "FINE!"

And I laughed.

She did too.

She looked pretty. Wait -- what? Oh my, God. This has swine written all over it. I blame America. As Jim Carrey said, "There wouldn't be a swine flu if we treated the pigs better." Which, you know, is true. If we stopped sizzling them into bacon, they wouldn't contract a flu that infected many people across the country. It was their revenge. I swear, it really was.

"Oh, and it's _Eellio's_," she said quietly, giggling. I sighed and laughed at the same time.

"Fine, fine, it's _Eellio's_," I gave in. She beamed. "Can we stop fighting about the name of a rectangular pizza?"

"Oh, fine," she said, smiling. Her smile made the whole atmosphere bubble with joy. Oh, my! I sound like a Hallmark card!

Karma was giggling slightly, her little robo-hands reaching for nothing but air. Sonny breathed a laugh, and walked into the living room. Several minutes later, she returned with Karma, who was sucking on a pacifier. And holding Fozzie Bear. Not the Muppets character, but my teddy bear. The one I caught Sonny clasping to her chest earlier. Again, tell absolutely _no one_. Fozzie Bear is a secret. And yes, I did name him after the Muppets character. I was a big fan when I was younger. So sue me. That's our little secret okay. If I hear Perez Hilton gossiping about CDC's Fozzie Bear, I will have your head mantled. 'Kay?

Sonny looked up at me and smiled. "Karma really seems to like this bear," she said in a soft voice. Her smile made me bite my lower lip.

"Yeah," I whispered hoarsely. "Guess she does?"

"What's it's name?" she said in a soothing voice. I licked my dry lips.

"What do you mean? That's- that's not mine. I have no clue what you're talking about," I spluttered. She didn't buy it.

"Chad, I know it's yours. And that's okay, because I'll share a little secret with you. I, Allison Isabelle Munroe, have a Barbie pillow." I gaped at her. "It's old and tattered and has some stains on it, but it's my most prized possesion." Her voice was thick and husky with tears. She blinked them away. "My dad gave it to me." I frowned, feeling sorrow spread through me. It was silent for an endless stretch of time.

"His name...is Fozzie Bear," I said, feeling heat flare up in my cheeks. She laughed. "Don't laugh at me!" I insisted. That made her laugh louder. I hid my face with my hand. I heard footsteps and suddenly, Sonny's petite arm, the one not holding Karma, wrapped me up in a hug. I gasped, but hugged her back. It felt right.

Suddenly, I heard a beep-beep-beep. It only took a second..."The pizza!" we both exclaimed. I rushed to the drawer with the oven mitts, grabbed one, and threw open the oven. Smoke puffed out. I quickly grabbed the cooking tray (A/N: Again, don't know what it's called), and threw it on top of the stove. Luckily, the pizza was only a little burnt. Then I rushed to the wall and began to frantically wave the mitt in front of the smoke detector. After a few more grudgingly annoying beeps, it silenced. I breathed a breath of relief.

"Alright," I said. "Let's eat."

* * *

"My parents are dentists."  
"....And is that considered a dangerous profession?"  
HP, right thurr. ;) Lmao, I love that line. xD


	9. IMPORTANT! READ!

**NOTE!**

You already know that everyone who reviews or is a follower of this story is amazing, right, and I really appreciate it. But I have some bad news...

My stepmom is being completely paranoid and thinks that all you lovely reviewers are psychopathic freaks just waiting to hack into our computer and steal our address and murder us, or whatever. Basically, she thinks all of you are stalker-old-men. (Somebody's been watching too much Dateline NBC)...

And she is threatening to take the computer away (GASP)! I know, and she said that I might not be allowed to write on here anymore. :'(

Of course, I'm going to still try to finish this story, duh! I'm not giving up just yet! I'm just warning you guys that I might not be updating as soon as I'd like to. It may take awhile. I'm sorry one hundred percent!

But keep on reviewing guys! I might just update quicker (insert evil laughter that sounds like a cough/choke). You guys are awesome! Thanks for your support!


	10. Backgrounds And Baby Dolls

**Title:** Oh, Baby!

**Rating:** T

**Summary: **Ms. Bitterman pairs Sonny and Chad up for a project in health class. Get ready for baby simulators, messy diapers, arguing, crying, loss of sleep, and maybe some love. Channy Multi-chapter xD

**A/N: **(Crappy impersonation of Eminem) "Guess who's back, back, back. Back again, 'gain, 'gain ;)."

* * *

Sonny's POV

If you're not ready to be a parent, here's a suggestion: Use protection.

Seriously---how do people sleep at night when every five seconds, you're baby is hungry or went to the bathroom? I'd sure like to know! And this was only my first night with Karma! I still have to endure another week of no sleep.

Thanks a whole lot Ms. Bitterman! (Heavy sarcasm).

Of course, I still love Karma, the little robo-baby, but seriously. Can't she wait until, oh, let's say, nine a.m. to freaking go to the bathroom?! C'mon, now, she's either hungry, so you feed her, than afterwards, she goes to the bathroom! Can't she just make up her nonexistent mind? What's so freaking difficult about that? And what's worse is having a cranky jerkthrob whining, "Make it shut up! I need sleep!", or, "Just throw it out the window!" Or worse yet, "CDC needs his beauty rest. Gorgeousness like mine doesn't just happen by itself. Well...sometimes ;)." How is a girl to get any sleep when you've got two babies yacking it up in her ear?

My entire body was stiff and sore. I didn't want to move, for fear of more pain. I just wanted to get back to sleep, but peaks of sunlight were streaming in through the blinds. It was around five forty-five a.m. Karma had cried at least several times in the last _hour_. It was like she was on a timer. My own personal alarm clock. Gosh, if I were desperate enough, I might've duct taped Karma's mouth shut. But I would never do that. I'm too..._nice_. Bleh.

I watched the sunrise, warm pink and orange and yellow swathing the skyline in it's bright beauty. It touched the creamy blue sky, stars winking goodbye. It gave me a jolt of happiness, seeing this beautiful bringing of dawn, a fresh new day full of possibilities. Warm happiness thrummed inside of me, full of energy. There was no way I was getting back to sleep now. I rolled onto my back and stretched and yawned like a cat. My muscles of course were sore, but bearable. I sat up, my head spinning in vertigo. I sat still for a few seconds, but swiveled my head to look at Chad. He was sound asleep, mouth hanging open slightly, drool escaping a bit. His arm was flung off the side of the couch, hand curled up into a fist. A sudden idea burst into my mind, and I smiled, getting up to tip-toe to Karma's crib. I grabbed Fozzie Bear out of Karma's hands and kneeled down to crawl slowly to Chad. I held my breath as I uncurled his fist and put in it Fozzie Bear.

I slowly returned to my feet, silently padded to my jeans that low on the arm of the loveseat and grabbed from the back pocket my Blackberry. I turned on the camera and took a picture of Chad, sleeping and drooling and holding Fozzie Bear. I laughed silently to myself. I almost considered pressing send, but my heart told me not to. I didn't. I did however set it as my background. I looked at the picture again. It was so sweet. It made little bubbles of happiness rise to the surface.

With a sufficent smile, I slipped the phone back into the pocket.

* * *

"Rise and shine, beautiful," I cooed gently into Chad's ear. He rolled over with a moan. I giggled and poked him again, this time on his face. His skin was smooth.

His eyes fluttered open. "Sonny?" He groaned. "What time is it?"

I couldn't suppress the smile that enveloped my lips. "Oh, 8:20." He widened his eyes.

"What?! We're going to be late to the studio!" he exclaimed, bolting up and wincing as he did so.

"Oh, nope just you are." I gestured to my green blouse, jeans, and converse. And Karma, in a pink little outfit and a pacifier hanging from her mouth. I smiled wider.

"What's going on?"

"Oh, well I woke up twenty minutes ago, got ready, called Tawni for a ride, and now she's waiting out front. I just thought I should wake you up. And you might want to hurry up if you're going to make it by 8:45." I smiled and began to skip merrily toward the door, holding Karma.

"Sonny!?" he called, visibly annoyed.

"Ta-ta!" I called back, before slamming the door shut as I left, running to Tawni's BMW.

* * *

I sat at my desk, not really paying attention to Ms. Bitterman or Karma, really. Just wrapped up in my own thoughts. What I did to Chad was unfair, I know, and I don't know what possessed me to do it really. Chad still hadn't arrived to class, and it was already fifteen minutes into class. I worried he'd never show. It was somewhat my fault, but also his, too. Right?

My conscious really liked to bug me sometimes. Why couldn't it get a life and stop messing with mine? It was beginning to get annoying. Really, really annoy-

"Mr. Cooper," Ms. Bitterman's voice cut through my reverie. "You're late." I looked up into the eyes of Chad, who looked annoyed. His glare turned on me.

"I wonder why..." he drawled in that tauntingly annoying voice that he knew pissed me off. I narrowed my eyes sharply.

"No time for games, just take your seat," she ordered.

He complied. I was rocking Karma back and forth, not daring to look at him. I was scared. Wait a minute, I was scared of Chad Dylan Cooper? Prissy actor from _Mackenzie Falls_? What was wrong with me? I would not be scared of Chad Dylan Cooper. So---I looked up at him.

Okay, I lied.

I would be _very _scared of Chad Dylan Cooper.

Very, very scared.

His glare made my blood run cold. What does that tell you?

But c'mon, he was only late to class! It's not that big of a deal. He was just...well, he was just making a mountain out of a mole hill. I wouldn't as mad as he was just because I was a teeny bit late to class. What was the big deal? I glanced back up at him, my eyes betraying before I had chance to stop them. Oh...my God.

Now I see why he was so mad. I didn't notice the last time I looked at him, but...oh my God. His hair was tousled wildly, and he looked as if he rolled out of bed and threw on clothes. Which he probably did. His shirt wasn't tucked in, his blazer most likely dirty, and he was fuming with anger. "Sonny," he said, injecting enough venom into m name to poison an elephant. "Have you _looked _at me? I've told you once, and I'll tell you again: Beauty like mine doesn't just happen. Of course, I have natural beauty, but to get to a level of gorgeousness like mine, it takes careful time and preparation. You left me devoid of both time and preparation. So, now, you will pay."

I cringed internally and swallowed my fear...and looked into the angry eyes (and sparkly one) of Chad Dylan Cooper. He was no longer glaring, but his eyes still held anger. "And how do you suggest I do that?" I asked.

He laughed. "Oh, I won't tell you when and I won't tell you how, but this-" He gestured to his hair and wardrobe, "-will be avenged. Avenged, I tell you."

I gulped back fear and managed to laugh dryly. "Oh sure."

"Keep your guard up. That's all I have to tell you," he said before laughing a maniacal laugh that made my skin crawl.

"Oh! Like I'm scared of Chad Dylan Cooper," I joked. Except I was.

But it's not like Chad Dylan Cooper would ever know.

"Sonny," came a voice that certainly wasn't Chad's. I looked behind me and was face-to-face with Ryan, Tawni and Nico's baby. Then I looked up at the hectic blonde. Her hair was a frazzled mess.

"Tawni?" I questioned. "What happened?

"Sonny, I can't take it anymore! This thing pees and poops every second during the night! God, when is this project going to be over?"

I eyed her. "Tawni---we're only a day in!"

"Gah! We have another six days?!?!? This is going to be a week in hell. I'm too pretty to deserve this!" And with that final whine, she scurried off in the other direction. I blinked.

"Why isn't it that hard on you?" Chad inquired. I looked at him, then at Karma. She was too occupied with Fozzie Bear.

"It is," I told him. "I'm just not overreacting like Tawni. I'm eager to know what being a parent is like, so I'm taking all the challenges it throws my way. I'm a big girl. I can handle myself."

"Sure you can," he muttered, rolling his eyes.

"Awh, does someone need a hairbrush?" I quipped at him, taking the open opportunity he left me with. He looked at me with a iciness in his gaze.

"Awh, does someone need a _muzzle_?" He retaliated.

"For you? Yes." I smiled. Oh, Chad. You're so easy to snap at. He makes it almost too easy.

"Nice Munroe, I give you props." He nodded and if I'm not mistake, a smile turned up the corners of his soft, plush, supple-looking lips.

"Props accepted." I shrugged and grinned at him. "Now let's play with Karma."

"And how?"

"Hmm...Oh," I squealed. "Maybe we could take her to the park later?"

He smirked. "Ah, yes. Chad Dylan Cooper and Sonny Munroe at the park with a child! That's not suspicious _at all_," he sneered sarcastically. I rolled my eyes at him.

"Well, what do you suggest we do with her? Just sit with her in the house all day and let her hug Foz---the bear," I caught myself. I promised to never speak of the bear outside of Chad's house.

"Hey---she's got a terry cloth cube!" He said defensively.

"Oh yes, _that's _entertaining." (Sarcasm right there, people).

He pondered for a moment. "Did I give you a tour of my house yet?"

"...No."

"Well, then, I shall today after school. And maybe we can play on my trampoline with Karma."

I gaped at him. "It's highly dangerous for a baby to go on a trampoline."

He smiled for a second and extended his hand across the expanse of the desk to place over mine. I drew my breath in sharply. "I hate to break this to you, but she's a doll."

I rolled my eyes at him. "Whatever."

"Well, what do you suggest?" He asked rudely. "Chuck E Cheese's?"

...I smiled.

"No, no, no, no, no!" He exclaimed.

"Oh, c'mon!"

"No!"

"Chad!" I whined.

"...What about those little twerps?"

I rolled my eyes at him. "Do you think a bunch of little kids are going to care that Chad Dylan Cooper and Sonny Munroe are at Chuck E. Cheese's with a doll? If anything, they'll think they're hallucinating!"

He eyed me. I made a puppy dog face at him, pouting out my lower lip.

He said, "You really want to take Karma out?"

I nodded.

With a groan, he mumbled, "I can't believe I'm about to do this." Then he said louder, "Fine."

I smiled. "You're evil," he informed me.

"Trust me, honey," I said. "It's worth it."

He cracked a smile and leaned across the table touching Karma, and discreetly touch Fozzie Bear, too. I handed him Karma and the bear and as he played with her, I whipped out my cellphone, staring at my background. That innocent little picture I took this morning. The cute picture that made little bubbles of happiness float to the surface. I squealed silently and looked at Chad.

Needless to say, he was no longer across from me.

He was behind me.

Looking. At. The background.

"What...the hell?"

* * *

Gah, all of you who supported me when I almost had to leave Fanfiction, you guys are _in-freaking-credible_. I'm not leaving! And it's all because of you guys! Thanks for helping me convince my stepmom.

"Better hold on tight, spider-monkey..."  
"_Spider-monkey_? Honestly, where in the world did you get that?"  
"I heard it somewhere on TV. I think it was some show called _Strangest Quotes from Vampire Movies_."

;)


	11. Bad Guys And Blackmail

**Title:** Oh, Baby!

**Rating:** T

**Summary: **Ms. Bitterman pairs Sonny and Chad up for a project in health class. Get ready for baby simulators, messy diapers, arguing, crying, loss of sleep, and maybe some love. Channy Multi-chapter xD

* * *

Chad's POV

What would you think if you were in position?

Ahem, which is...: Yesterday, I walked in on Sonny hugging my teddy bear, standing in the middle of my room. And now, I catch her staring at a picture of me asleep on her phone.

Normal people would think: "_Creeper_!" In a sing-songy tone.

But what do I think?

I think..._Cute_.

I find it adorable that Sonny set me as the background of her phone. I think it's stupid cute that she wants to hug my teddy bear. No part of me screams, "Obsessivepsychostalkerhead!" (Like my new word?). I'm not in any way, shape, or form creeped out at Sonny. I almost...admire Sonny for, what, liking me so much? I'm not sure she even likes me. And I'm not even sure I like her. But all I know, was when I was supposed to be angry and scared at her for setting me as her background, I didn't hate her. I couldn't really say I liked her. But I know I _definitely _didn't hate her.

And as she feverishly apologized, I knew what I had to do. It's what normal people would do. It's what **_I _**would do, except, well I wasn't me. I was infected with Swine flu, therefore causing me to act irrationally, differently. I was out of it. I was the anti-Chad. The complete opposite of what I was before.

_And it was freaking scaring me._

"Sonny! What the hell?!" I demanded, a little loudly. Grady looked up at us, as did Portlyn, forgetting all about their baby, Caspian. (A/N: xD). And soon, everyone was looking at us. Including Ms. Bitterman, who was midway eating a chocolate truffle. (And in the back of my mind, I realized why she assigned this project in the first place. She kicks back for a week and doesn't have to teach us while we raise a child. Oh, she's good).

"Oh, for Heaven's sake!" Ms. Lazy-Bitterman proclaimed. "If you're going to bicker, take it out into the hall. And take your child with you," she added. I stomped my not-angry self out into the hall, leaving a dumbfound Sonny behind. It took a few seconds before the class room door opened, and there stood the ray of Son-shine, holding Karma and looking guilty. She still held her phone in her hand.

"Would you like to explain that? What, are you _obsessed _with me? I find that a tad creepy." Ha, pwned. I _am _a good actor. I meant nothing of what I just said. Fooled ya, didn't I?

I could tell by the look in her eyes, if she wasn't holding Karma, she'd cross her arms over her chest. But she was holding Karma, therefore, she looked away. "Sorry. It was just a joke."

"Oh, I'm so sure," I lashed back sarcastically. She turned her glare on me, but...she was _smirking_? Why was she smirking? "Why would you want a picture of me, anyway? I'm sure you've got them covering your walls."

"Oh, how wrong you are," she said, still smirking. "I've got the picture for a single reason."

_Silence._

"Which is?" I probed, too curious.

"Blackmail." Insert cold smirk here.

_What...the...?_

"Blackmail?" I asked.

She laughed once. "Oh, c'mon now, Chad-isafer. You don't think a picture of Chad Dylan Cooper clutching a teddy bear and drooling isn't quality blackmail?"

I blinked. "Did you just call me Chad-isafer?" What an odd, on the spot nickname. I've been Three Named Doofus, Chip-Drama Pants, Stubborn Mc. Stubborn-Pants, Cotton-Headed-Ninny-Muggins, but never Chad-isafer. That was another one for the odd list. "And you wouldn't send it," I added.

She clicked a few buttons on her cellphone and turned the screen to face me. The picture of me was opened up and her thumb was resting leisurely on the send button. "Watch me," she challenged.

Oh, what a tease. Her eyes only held conviction. "You're bluffing," I breathed.

She smirk/laughed. "Am I?"

What an evil little smirk-laugher. What a non-bluffing evil smirk-laughing Not-So-Sonny half-breed. Ha. "What do you want?"

"Who said I wanted anything?" she inquired, using reverse-psychology on me.

"Bullcrap, you want something? Stop trying to confuse me!" No way was I falling for it anymore.

She gasped loudly and fakely. "Oh, Chad," she said. "I would do no such thing."

I gasped, but mine was real, unlike Fake-gasping Sonny's. "Yes you would!"

She seemed to consider, then shrugged. "You're right, I probably would." And then she laughed.

Where did this evil-ness come from? What possessed that little splendor of Son-shine? First, the whole prank this morning, and now _blackmail_? She was most definitely _not_ herself.

"Alright," she sighed, then said in a rush, "I don't want anything, but in case you do something to me, I'll have this picture here to hold against you. That's it." She glided her thumb over to the 'end' button and canceled the request. I breathed a breath of relief, then nearly laughed. I knew she wasn't as evil as she was acting. I would have to mess with her for her to send the picture. That made more sense.

"We should, um, get back to class," I said, rubbing the back of my neck. She nodded in agreement and slipped her phone back into her pocket.

We walked back into the class, and not even five seconds later, Blondie yelled for Sonny, squealing and crying. The baby, apparently, _did it's duty_, and well, Cloudy or whatever his name is refused to touch the baby. Sonny took Karma with her, so, feeling a little lonely, I went over to my good buddy Devon and his partner, the squirrely girl from So Blandom!. Squirrely was too busy laughing like an evil villian and playing with her baby to even acknowledge my presence, which most people do when CDC arrives. Whatever, Squirrely, whatever.

"Hey Chad," Devon said, smirking. Devon was tall and had black hair and thought he was all that. I didn't really like him, but Portlyn was yelling at Grady, so I couldn't talk to her and Iylio...well, he's just weird. Devon was my last resort. Other than Lia, who was with Iylio, so that was a no-no.

"Hey Devon, sup?" I nodded at 'sup', like an idiot, but not caring. I could care less what Traitor-Devon thinks of me. Concieted-Traitor-Devon, that is. But he was also humble, which was why people liked him more than me. And he was modest, and I wasn't, according to everyone. I could be modest, too.

"Not much, my man, not much," he said with a shrug. "Just taking care of Zena, me and Zora's baby. And dude-" he lowered his voice, "-Zora is a freak, man. It's like she's high all the time. It's so crazy. She was doing these weird rituals at my house last night while sitting in a circle of _candles_. And she kept saying she misses her sarcophagus. How freaky is that, man?"

I blinked at him. "Yeah, it's pretty freaky."

He sighed. "I'd much rather have your partner. Damn, she's sexy."

_What the-?_

I nearly choked on my own spit. "W-w-what?" I spluttered, unable to form a coherent sentence.

He winked at me. "C'mon, man, you telling me you wouldn't tap that?"

I widened my eyes at him, rage flooding through me. "No, I wouldn't _tap that_. And you shouldn't be thinking that way about Sonny," I hissed at him.

He pouted his bottom lip out sympathetically. "Awh, is someone jealous?"

I widened my eyes at him until the point where they felt like they would burst from the sockets. "N-no," I stuttered, suddenly unsure. Wait---I _wasn't_ jealous. Why would I be jealous? Why should I be jealous? "I'm not jealous."

He nodded and looked at me with sarcastic eyes. "Sure, you aren't." More sarcasm.

"I'm not jealous," I said firmly.

"So, then you wouldn't care if I asked her out? Tonight?"

I tried to say, "No, I could care less." But my mouth wasn't working right. I couldn't form the sentence.

"That's what I thought," he said, before turning back to Squirrely, leaving me utterly speechless.

What. A. _BLEEP_.

* * *

Haha, who thought Devon was a good guy? Lmao. Sorry if this is short and sucky, but I'm more focused on the next two chapters *winks evilly*.

"What do you want to be when you grow up?"  
"Elvis."  
"You want to be like Elvis?"  
"No, I literally want to be Elvis."

Skins ;)


	12. Giant Mice And Plastic Deathtraps

**Title:** Oh, Baby!

**Rating:** T

**Summary: **Ms. Bitterman pairs Sonny and Chad up for a project in health class. Get ready for baby simulators, messy diapers, arguing, crying, loss of sleep, and maybe some love. Channy Multi-chapter xD

* * *

Sonny's POV

_Moo._

_Moo._

Chad laughed, and I glared at him. It was after rehearsal, and we were driving back to his house, the birch trees sweet scent hanging in the air (Chad took the back roads, for fear of being snapped by the paparazzi with Sonny Munroe *eye roll*, so the only smell was the sickly sweet smell of birch and pine, and not cars' exhaust), the breeze whipping through my hair (the top was down). I was holding Karma, rocking her on my lap, when Chad said, "You gonna get that?" He asked, smiling and eyeing me over the rim of his sleek Ray-Bans, identical to the ones Karma happened to be wearing. I fished around in my pocket until I felt the keyboard of my BlackBerry. I closed my fingers around it, and pulled it out, clicking 'send' before it went to my voice mail which I had yet to perfect.

"Hello?" I said. It came out like a question, even though I knew who it was. Caller ID said it was my mom. I had that stupid habit, but I guess everyone did. I have yet to meet a person answers the phone, "Hi!", or even, "Yello!" Someone who doesn't ask, "Hello?", even _after _looking at the caller ID, and I'm rambling and should really stop.

"Sonny!" My mother's voice was both elated and frantic, and I widened my eyes, but, duh, she couldn't see me. But Chad could, and he raised his eyebrow, reaching over to turn down the radio without taking his eyes off of me. Again, I was jealous of his eyebrow raising ability. I really needed to learn how to do that.

I shifted, and gripped Karma tighter. My little robo-baby was out cold, pacifier hanging loosely from her pink little doll mouth. "Mom, what's up? Are you okay?" I held the phone between my cheek and ear, and turned the volume up on the radio a tad, in an attempt to dissipate the awkward silence between me and Chad.

"Yeah, what? Fine." She sounded breathless, like the wind was knocked out of her. "I was just worried about you," my-frantic/elated-breathless mother confided to me. I rolled my eyes. The same thing happened when I was ten and had a sleepover for the first time with my best friends, Lucy and Ashleigh, and a few other girls in our class. My mom gave me her low-grade, crappy piece of plastic she called a cellphone. It's ringer was a beep and it had a blue background, one that you couldn't even change. Not a pretty blue either. Just a plain gray-blue that you just didn't want to look at. She called every ten minutes, checking on me, making sure we were alright, reminding me that my bedtime was nine-thirty. It got to the point where Olivia, a bratty little "princess" made me go home (the sleepover was at her house). My mom wrapped me in her arms while I cried and glared and yelled at her. I hadn't slept out since then, only had friends sleep over my house. My mom was _so _clingy. I mean, I loved her, but really?

"Of course you were," I said. I knew she could just _feel _me rolling my eyes, because she said,

"Don't roll your eyes at me, young lady. I really was." Silence took over for a few seconds, before she added, "How are things with Tawni? You know, if it's not really working over at her house, you can come back home. To your mother. Who misses you dearly." The frantic tone seethed back in.

"Mom, things are going great. Tawni and I are finally getting along, please don't jeporadize that." Yes, I did feel terribly guilty for lying to my mother. The guilt was nagging at me, but what was I supposed to do? Tell her the truth? Oh, she'd have a cow! Come to think of it, she'd have the whole barn (Bada bing xD). Chad's eyes were smiling, and if I were the type to flip him off, I would have. Instead, I stuck my tongue at him. He laughed.

"Allison Isabelle Munroe! Is that a _boy _laughing? I'm coming to get you right now!" I could hear keys jangling and I spastically gestured to Chad to stop laughing. I needed an excuse- _and quick_. "Um, mom, that's just Grady, laughing at himself and his popcorn twins, it's fine. I'm in the prop house with him and Zora, but Zora is too busy napping or scheming in her sarcophagus." I said breathlessly, sounding more like my mom by the minute.

"You're not-" Her voice grew sharper. "-Kissing him, are you?"

"Mom! Gross!" I exclaimed, throwing a glance at Chad, thoroughly praying he didn't hear that.

He did.

Why else would he be making kissy faces at me? And don't even dare think what you were about to!

"Okay, so you're not," she said. She sounded relieved. I guess me not kissing boys was a part of her maintaining her daughter's sanity. It doesn't make a difference, I've never kissed a boy yet. My sanity was completely intact. She had no reason to worry there.

"Mom, you know me. I'd never do that." I tried to say it quietly, nudging subtly at my little secret that only my mother, Tawni, Lucy, and Ashleigh knew.

"Of course," she said loudly, "you've never kissed a boy!"

Oh, my, God. Mom, I'm seriously going to kill you. Watch your back, because I'm pretty sure Chad just heard that.

And he did, because his face said that he was trying to retain his laughter. He eyed me with humor, a smile dancing across his face and in his eyes.

"Alright, mom, I'm going to go now. Go back to work and stop worrying about me, I'll be fine," I assured her, a bitter undertone in my voice. She was too nonchalant to notice.

"Bye, honey, I love you. Call me when you can and give me a thorough description of your day. In detail. And don't skip anything, because I will notice," she warned.

"Yeah, yeah, bye!" I rushed, then hung up quickly before anymore could be said. Trying not to blush, I slipped my phone into my pocket, and held Karma tighter. Dirty Little Secret by 'The All-American Rejects' was on the radio.

I hid my face behind my hair. I tried to make it look discreet, but I was never really good at that. "Sonny," he said patronizingly, a smirk in his voice. "We're going to have to talk about it."

My cheeks flared up in embarrassment, and I avoided Chad's gaze that burned into my skin. I could feel it weighing down on me. "What?" I asked, sounding dumber than ever.

"Sonny, c'mon, now. It's okay, so you haven't kissed a boy." He choked on laughter toward the end of the sentence, and my hand itched with the urge to slap him silly. Oh, erm, sillier.

"Chad, stop!" I insisted. He laughed.

"Wait---does that mean you've kissed a girl?" he asked, a longing look in his eyes. I slapped him on his arm, and he winced, but held his grip on the steering wheel.

"I haven't kissed _anybody_," I clarified, blushing madly. "And you absolutely can't tell anybody. You're one of the few that know, and that's it!"

He chuckled. "Who else knows, cause I'd love to discuss it with them," Silly little Chad laughed. He was really amused by this whole predicament. "And what was with your sporadic arm-flailing?" he pondered, and I knitted my eyebrows together, before I remembered. When I was signaling him to be quiet, I went a little overboard with my gestures. I rolled my eyes at him.

"Can you stop making digs at me, and make a right up here," I said, and pointed. He furrowed his eyebrows.

"You don't make a right to go to my house," he informed me, almost sounding if he was talking to a six year old.

I blinked. "_Nooo_," I drawled. "But you make a right to get to Chuck E. Cheese's."

He looked horrified. "You were serious about that?"

I nodded slowly. "Yes, Chad, I was. Now turn, hurry, before you miss it."

With a sigh, he veered to the right, and began to ride out into civilization. We passed many farm markets, a few bars, and a Best Buy. Finally, we were in the parking lot of the place that housed a giant mouse. I gently shook Karma awake.

"Sonny, I can't do this. She's a doll, she'll enjoy paper. Why take her to Chuck E. Cheese's?" He was looking genuinely scared and un-cocky, which was weird, because Chad was noturious for being cocky. He could be sick and cocky, sad and cocky, mad and cocky, and many other emotions. This was a Chad I had never seen before.

"Chad," I sighed. "This is for your sake, not Karma's and not mine."

He looked at me with a confused expression. "Huh?"

I sighed again and twirled my hair around my finger, while bouncing a very awake Karma. She was giggling and petting Fozzie Bear. "Chad, you really need to cut back and have fun once in awhile. Live life."

"But-"

"Live. Life." I threw the hood of my sweatshirt on, opened the car door, and jumped out, nearly dashing to the door, trying to avoid the public eye. Many people weren't around, thankfully, so I loitered a bit until Chad caught up with me. His hair was tousled from wind and running, and I bit my lip, trying to stop the mad dash of my pulse.

We made it to the door, me breathing heavily, thankful for the diversion. I could tell the door-guy recognized us, but when a look of understanding passed his features, he stamped our hands and let us in for free. Chad gave me quizzical look, but let it drop. I wondered, too, why the guy gave us that look, but some things just remain a mystery.

Ah, the smell of burnt pizza and sweat. Chuck E. Cheese's signature scent. Don't believe me? Check it out for yourself. Vitality just poured off the little rugrats that were running around and screaming cheerfully. I could hear a dynamic beat that just rolled on and on in the midst of all the excitement. Chad was looking at something, a mortified expression on his face. I followed his gaze and saw the giant mouse that was Chuck approaching us, a giant pencil and notepad in his mouse hands. A chill ran up my spine, but I quickly ignored it.

The mouse walked up to us, chuckling holding out the contents jokingly. Then he shrugged and threw them to the side. He quickly wrapped me and Chad in a hug. I hugged him (or her) back, shifting as to not squash Karma, while Chad just stood rigid as a plank. The mouse costume reeked of B.O. Not thinking, I cringed away a little, but the mouse was too...happy(?) too notice.

"I'm a really big fan," she (it turned out to be) whispered, then let us go. The mouse was staring at Chad, and even though I couldn't see her eyes, I was certain they had a dreamy gleam in them. Why hadn't she questioned Chad and I being together? Or the baby doll? It all seemed peculiar to me. But I let it drop. This whole predicament seemed peculiar.

"Erm," Chad began awkwardly. "We should, um, get going." He grabbed my arm and dragged me toward the ball pit forcefully. Once away, he breathed a sigh of sweet relief. I rocked Karma back and forth, ignoring the vapid actor before me in all his glory, so to say. If his glory was his halo of golden hair and his sparkly eye. Nothing much more about him was 'glorious'.

My eyes scanned the place, as it suddenly grew quiet. The kids in the ball pit were staring at us, kids in those tubes were staring at us, kids eating poisonous pizza were staring at us. It seemed every kid was staring at us, but not in a shell-shocked or starstruck way. More like a whoa way. Like a, "This isn't happening," way.

Chad noticed it, too, because he groaned, "I hate you Sonny." Then he said louder, "Take a picture, it lasts longer. And I don't mean that in a literal way." He recieved a few dirty looks from moms and dads, but he just ignored them. Instead he turned on me. "I hate you," he enunciated. I couldn't tell if he was joking, and it made my heart hurt.

"I'm sorry," I whispered feebly. He smiled a little.

"You meant the best. Now can we _leave?_" He began to walk toward the door, but I grabbed his wrist. He turned and when I pulled my hand away, I looked at the gold Rolex watch I slipped off his wrist. He noticed it was gone, because he looked at me. "_Sonny_," He said warningly. I shrugged, an evil smirk on my lips.

"I'm just...checking the time," I lied, shrugging again. He narrowed his eyes at me, not seeming to let it drop. I looked at the open ball pit next to me. It looked so very, well, funny. A wide assortment of multi-colored plastic balls, all sitting there, waiting for you, or Chad, to get lost in. I smiled mischeviously. Chad didn't see.

"Chad...I think I dropped your watch in the ball pit," I lied. He turned his gaze on me, eye-ing me from head to toe.

"Oh, did you now?"

"Yes."

He glared. "Then go get it."

I raised Karma a little. "I'm holding Karma. You get it."

"You dropped it," he pointed out. "But...not in the ball pit."

I gave him a confused look. "Huh?"

He laughed slightly. "I can see the outline of it in your pocket. I'm not a fool. You really want me to go into the ball pit?"

I tilted my head. "Well, yes. Yes I do."

He smiled and handed me the iPhone he was currently holding. "Alright then." And with that being said, he let out a high-pitched yowl, and dove into the pit. Kids backed away to make room for him, and he landed with a flurry of hollow spheres flying around him. As soon as he emerged, balls were flung at him by the kids around him. He tried to dodge, them, but failing that, he retaliated. It looked crazy from my point of view. Like a snowball fight. I laughed and watched in amusement. After several minutes, Chad surrended defeat, and climbed out, leaving the kids smiling and thanking him. People were watching us.

"You're welcome," he said simply, looking mortified, but also happy.

"You seemed to really enjoy it," I pointed out.

"So did Karma," he said, gesturing to our laughing baby. He touched her cheek delicately, smiling in awe. "Now can we go," he whispered.

I opened my mouth to respond, but was cut off with an, "Oh my, God."

It wasn't a shriek of excitement or fear. It was just in a one-monotone voice. And though it was recognizable, I couldn't quite put a finger on it right away.

Until I turned around. Because when I turned around, I was facing eighty-five pounds of pure evil.

Or, in other words, Dakota Condor.

* * *

"Why is it that whenever something happens, you three are always involved?"  
"Believe me, Professor, I've been asking myself that for the last six years."

;)

So sorry that it took awhile. Now can I ask you guys a favor? Could you guys put in a review, as if you were twittering or something, what you like about Channy.  
Example:

"Channy is soooo cute."

Trust me, it'll be helpful for the next chapter. I'll even include your penname. (:


	13. Talk Of The Nation

**Title:** Oh, Baby!

**Rating:** T

**Summary: **Ms. Bitterman pairs Sonny and Chad up for a project in health class. Get ready for baby simulators, messy diapers, arguing, crying, loss of sleep, and maybe some love. Channy Multi-chapter xD

* * *

Chad's POV

I had this vague itchy feeling that this day was off when I reluctantly agreed to go to Chuck E. Cheese's. I don't even know what compelled me to do so, but I did it. And the feeling grew stronger when the guy at the front door neglected to ask us to pay, or even inquire as to why Sonny Munroe and Chad Dylan Cooper were at a kid's restaurant with a doll.

And, bam! The feeling was now flaring up as I was facing down the spawn of the devil, Dakota Condor.

Okay, yes, this was Chuck E. Cheese's, where a kid could be a kid, but I couldn't fathom why on earth Dakota was here, when she had the whole studio and everything in it, to herself. She could what she bloody well wanted (Oh, God, I've been watching _The Nanny _way too much). And plus, this place reeked of decaying corpses, which led me to suspect "Chuck" to be the culprit of some unsolved crimes, if ya catch my drift.

Why any child with a healthy working brain would want to waste away their youth here would forever remain a mystery to me.

I never like Chuck E. Cheese's much as a child, either. I had only ever been there once and got food poisoning from the pizza, so yes, it was a big no-no. While other kids threw parties here and went on weekends, I was in all the school's plays. I got my acting start when a talent scout was at the play. I was Abraham Lincoln.

And therefore, Lincoln has always been my favorite president. I started in small but crucial roles in commercials, and got my big break guest starring on_ Dawson's Creek_.

Well, Mr. Condor himself was on set that day, and needless to say, I was, "The next big thing." Calls were made and soon, I found myself filming the very first episode of _Mackenzie Falls_. And now, look, I was immensely famous, all because of my hate toward Chuck E. Cheese's. I knew it would pay off sooner or later.

But I still loathed the place.

Sonny, who was standing there sputtering, had hidden Karma behind her back, I'd noticed. She could hardly manage to utter a coherent sentence. "When--who---what---huh?"

Dakota turned her scowl on Sonny. "Cut the stutter, sweetheart," and Sonny's mouth snapped closed at once.

I cocked my head to the side and study's Dakota's scowling face, though it gave away zilch, nada, zero. "What..." I started, glaring, "are you doing here?"

Dakota-The-Evil-Munchkin shrugged lightly. "Let's see," she said, and held up a finger, "I'm a nine year old with a beating heart and..." She paused then shrugged again. "Yup, that should do it."

I shook my head at her, still glaring. "I don't believe it," I informed, and was nudged sharply in the ribs by Sonny.

"_Chad_," she hissed, but Dakota interrupted.

"Oh, it's quite alright. People are generally stunned in my presence, and therefore tend to find it hard to believe," she said simply, a smile playing across her evil little lips.

"Gosh, like a Mini-Chad," I barely heard Sonny mutter, and turned my glare on her.

"Watch it, Munroe," I warned.

"They were right," Dakota said, huffing.

"Who are they?" Sonny asked in the nicest tone she could muster.

"Everyone!" Dakota exclaimed. "You two _never _stop fighting!"

Sonny gasped.

I groaned.

Karma giggled.

"Oh, I heard about that little project," Dakota gestured to the baby. "Kendra, isn't it?"

I rolled my eyes and corrected her. "Karma actually."

Dakota laughed slightly, but it sounded like an evil hiccup. From the evil hiccuper herself. "Karma is a silly name."

I wouldn't have found that offensive if I hadn't actually come up with the name, but since I did, I was very offended. "Karma is a unique name."

Dakota waved her hand in the air. "Unique, silly, it's all the same."

Hatred washed over me.

Sonny's hand wrapped around my wrist, sensing my anger, and I simmered down. It was reassuring to know she was there. It gave me a strange sense of comfort.

"So, let's cut to the chase, enough small talk," Dakota said, rubbing her hands together in a vicious way.

"I knew you were here for a reason!" I couldn't help but exclaim in a told-you-so voice.

"Of course I'm here for a reason," she sneered. "What child in their right mind would go to Chuck E. Cheese's?"

A child loitering around in the ball pit turned to glare heavily at her. She stuck her tongue at out at him, and with a wounded face, he turned away.

I crossed my arms over my chest, while Sonny stood, gaping at the four-foot-tall rugrat, shell-shocked. "What do you want?" I asked.

"I just want you to stand there and smile at each other," she instructed, gesturing to exactly where we were standing while slipping a digital Nikon camera out of her jeans pocket. "And I'll take a picture and send it to Santiago--"

As her fingers rapidly flew across the buttons, texting someone no doubt, I felt my jaw sag before I exclaimed, "WHAT?!"

She paused and looked at me. "Something wrong?"

Sonny's grip tightened on my wrist, the only thing keeping me from lunging at the brat. That and my job, of course.

"Why would you send it to Santiago?" Sonny asked, angrily but more shocked than ever. "People'll think, well, they'll think--"

She couldn't seem to finish her thought, and instead made a slight noise of shock, mouth ajar.

Dakota wiggled her eyebrows, a smirk dancing on her lips. "Think...that you're together?" she asked lazily, amused.

Sonny's mouth, already ajar, widened to a cherry red 'O'. If I wasn't so shockedangry (like my word?), I would've found that adorable.

"Ooh," Dakota squealed, clapping excitedly. "Nice faces. You'll look shocked to see me taking your picture! Keep that up!"

I narrowed my eyes at her. "No! Why would you want people to think we're a couple?"

Little One shrugged. "I'm just giving the public what they want. Under my daddy's orders, of course. I don't like it, because you're supposed to be with me," She said to me. "But it's only a phase. Like Niley."

I knitted my eyebrows together. "Niley?"

She rolled her eyes at me. "Hello, get into the twenty first century. Nick Jonas and Miley Cyrus."

Sonny said, "But what do you mean 'What the public wants'? And under your father's orders. I don't get it." I glanced at her, and giggling Karma, and her hand wrapped around my wrist. My stomach did a cartwheel.

"Don't you guys Twitter? The public loves Channy. You're the new sensation, the talk of the nation, the...okay, running out of rhymes here." She took a breath, and held up the camera again. I snatched it from her, and she glared at me.

"What in the dickery-doo is Channy?" Sonny exclaimed, but then by the look on her face, she understood a few moments later, and made a face. "Oh, no way!"

I glanced wildly from Dakota to Sonny. I, on the other hand, had absolutely no clue what a Channy was. "I don't get it!" I said, and they looked at me, like they momentarily forgot I was there.

Sonny sighed. "Niley equals Nick Jonas and Miley Cyrus. Now what does Channy equal....?" She drawled, looking at me in an It's-Obvious way.

I began to count on my fingers when she slapped her hand to her forehead. "It equals Sonny and Chad!" She exclaimed, clearly frustrated. I gulped. What?

"The public wants Sonny and myself to be...together?" I asked, my mouth bone-dry. There was just no way, it couldn't be possible.

Karma giggled, as if she was laughing at me. Sonny pulled around from behind her back and rocked her back and forth. I saw her slip her pacifier from her pocket and put it into Karma's mouth. Karma smiled appreciatively.

"Well, yes, generally," Dakota said. And after a few more clicks on her cellphone, she turned it to us, and showed us internet browser open on Twitter. In the search bar, was written Channy. She pulled her phone away and while looking at the screen, she said, "Look at what people have to say. _Sincerely Kalie_ says 'Oh. My. God. Channy is adorable. I love how he basically bends to her will.'"

I made a face. I definitely do not bend to Sonny's will. I noticed Sonny smirking. She agreed with _Sincerely Kalie_. Random. "While _AHigherOctave _Tweets, 'Channy is cute, no doubt, but it isn't what makes their relationship for me. The love/hate heat does, the bicker, the little moments where they check each other out and pretend not to. Chad and Sonny are cute enough to be cute with anyone, but their hot together.'"

I scoffed. "I don't check Sonny out!"

Sonny said at the same time as I spoke, "Chad and I are _not _hot together!"

Dakota still ignored us. "_Glamorous830 _says, 'Channy has the best chemistry, and they belong with eachother...! Even when they fight you can still see their true feelings.'"

_"What true feelings?_" Sonny gasped, clearly annoyed. "Gosh, these fangirls are worse than Selena Gomez the relationship wizard."

"Oooh, here's a good one. _The Word Shaker _has said, 'Channy's better than Edward/Bella!' That's some serious stuff." (A/N: To _The Word Shaker_: LMFAO, I loved that Ron Weasley line. :D "I'll fix it up with Mum and Dad, then I'll call you. I know how to use a fellytone now-"...Ron Weasley.)

"We are not better than Edward and Bella," I told her, though I wasn't sure who they were. Weren't they bloodsuckers or something?

"_iOutspoken _says, 'Channy is a dynamic duo! lol. Channy equals love. Channy is my life. If Channy said to stop breathing, I would! Channy is better than you. Channy is my air, food and water. Channy is all I live for!' Whoa, that's a lot."

"We've got some seriously awesome fans, but there is no way I'm going to fake-date Chad again," Sonny informed, still rocking a now asleep Karma. I glared at her.

"Is there something wrong with fake-dating me?" I was strangely curious. It was nagging at me for an unknown reason.

She glared back. "There's several things wrong with fake-dating you."

"See, you guys are bickering! This is exactly what they want. Now, if you don't let me take a picture, I'll have to complain to my daddy. And you know what that means..." She drawled.

"Cancelled show," Sonny and I whispered silmutaneously. Dakota nodded.

Swallowing back my pride, Sonny and I turned our bodies toward the ball pit and both looked down at Karma (per instructions of Dakota), smiling. As the camera flashed and the photo was taken, the pit of my stomach gave a jolt. I was almost positive this would not be good.

"Done," Dakota said gleefully. "You are free to go."

* * *

"So, whoever you are. And whoever I am. You made it alright to be me."  
Driving Lessons.

GOSH, I LOVE THAT MOVIE!

Deep breath. Spaz moment over. But, seriously, go watch that movie. It has Rupert Grint (squeal) and Julie Walters. Also known as Ron Weasley and Mrs. Weasley.  
Lmao. (; That line is so sweet. There was also a funny line that I loved.

"Where on earth have you been?"  
"There was nowhere to call from. If I had a mobile..."  
"Mobiles give you cancer!"

Go watch the trailer on YouTube! Now! ;D

Sorry I couldn't use all your guys' "Tweets" in the chapter, but I really wanted to finish it and get it out. (;  
More will be featured in the next chapter, but I can't promise all of them will be. Sorry!


	14. Melting Fire And Hairy Potters

**Title:** Oh, Baby!

**Rating:** T

**Summary: **Ms. Bitterman pairs Sonny and Chad up for a project in health class. Get ready for baby simulators, messy diapers, arguing, crying, loss of sleep, and maybe some love. Channy Multi-chapter xD

* * *

Sonny's POV

"_xForeverDazzledx _Tweeted, 'Sonny + Chad = best celebrity couple EVER!!'," Chad read aloud, shifting, while tapping more keys on her Apple laptop. His movement made me bounce a little, and made Karma stir. We were laying on his trampoline, so every little movement made sleeping Karma stir awake, before dozing off again.

"What's with these crazy teen girls? I love our fans, truly, but seriously?" I asked, staring up at the inky black sky, sparkling stars like diamonds against the dark backdrop. My stomach gave a little jolt of homesickness. It made me think of back in Wisconsin, when Ashleigh, Lucy, and myself would sit on the roof of Ashleigh's barn at night and talk about boys or how horrendous our teachers were.

I gave a little sigh, and tried to rid myself of the feeling. Easy as it may seem, it was difficult. Chad noticed, because I found him inquiring, "You okay, Munroe?"

I threw a glance at him. The moonlight made his golden hair pale, and I had to swallow before saying, "Yeah, I'm fine," and reaching for Karma as a distraction. She snored slightly, her lips pursed. It was weird, staring at the doll cradled in my arms, like it was an actual baby. It looked like an actual baby, except, well, it had a battery for a heart. But in just the right light, the light that didn't make her plastic skin glow, she did look real.

I was actually dreading the end of the week. Of course, it had only been a day, well, two by tomorrow. I'd have only five more days with her, and my heart hurt just thinking that. I wasn't sure attachment was on the list of requirements for the project. But when you're raising a baby, real or not, it's difficult not to get attached. Downright impossible.

Or, you know, maybe it's just me.

"_TrinityFlower of Memories _said, 'What I love about Channy? Um, just the forbidden love and their funny fights but with a hint of kindness. I especially love Chad's sweet side!'. I don't have a sweet side, how dare she!"

I rolled my eyes at him. We were completely losing track of what we were supposed to be focusing on. Which was Karma. It was Chad's idea, after an awkward ride home, that we should go on Twitter (which I'd just recently discovered and had to explain to him), and read more. Even if Karma was asleep, she could wake up crying at any moment, and I had no diaper nor warm bottle.

"...Is our love really forbidden?" Chad whispered meekly, staring up at me with wide aqua eyes. Chad may be a jerkthrob, but my gosh, those eyes could make fire melt. "I mean, we could go out if we wanted too. It's not forbidden," he finished defiantly, eyebrow cocked, almost as if he was asking a question. But he was stating a fact.

I tilted my head to the side, ignoring my brown bangs that fell into my eyes. I gawked at him through the sheath of chestnut. He looked to be in pain. "Yeah, we could," I said, then caught myself. I felt a crimson blush, similar to his at the moment, creeping up my neck. "_If _we wanted to," I added, for clarification. I didn't want to date Chad, no way no how.

His lips turned down in a...frown? But he fixed his probing eyes back on his computer screen, the light from it illuminating the shadows of his face. I stared at him, tracing the planes of his face with my eyes. Brushing my bangs out of my eyes, I got a clearer view, and listened to him read aloud. "_Frocked _said, 'I think Channy's relationship is healthy. A love hate thing... Like Lily Evans and James Potter!'." He paused for a moment before asking, "Who are they?"

I rolled my eyes at him, "Two clues: Harry and Potter."

His brow furrowed in confusion. "What's a hairy potter?" Then he stopped, and a look of understanding passed his face. "Oh. Wow, my bad."

I stared at him. "Does everything go in one ear and out the other?" I asked, tilting my head.

He considered. "Maybe. I'd never know, would I?" And then he smirked his notorious Chad-smirk, and I somewhat smiled back at him. No need to give him the satisfaction of making me laugh, which I had to repress.

Which led me to believe that something, though what it was remained a mystery, was wrong with me. Chad's silly quirks usually never wanted to make me laugh. I must've inhaled too much Chuck E. Cheese's fumes.

"Gosh, there's so many things about us on here," he said, wide-eyes gawking at the computer screen. While tapping a few more buttons, he added, "I never even thought about us being a couple." (A/N: Liar...).

I blinked and looked down. What was the sudden sadness washing over me? "Yeah, me neither." Staring down at Karma though, avoiding Chad's gaze, I had started to think about it. Chad and I, holding hands, watching the sunset, the creamy pink sky fading into a beautiful onyx. Chad and I, on the red carpet, his arm slung casually around my waist, as if proclaiming to the world, "THIS IS MY GIRLFRIEND, SONNY MUNROE!" Chad, tilting his head, lips puckered---

_Giggle._

I blinked. Where was I? When I looked at Karma, sudden realization hit me, and I felt a crimson flush warming my ears and cheeks. Chad was reading more to himself, and I was glad he had noticed my blush. I banished away any lingering fantasies. I cradled Karma, staring at my baby doll. My stomach gave another pang as my phone vibrated. I pulled it out of my pocket and read it once, before typing a response.

_From Tawni:  
8:32 PM_

_Girls day with the "babies" tomorrow! You in? (:_

Chad looked up at me. "You're gonna love this one..."

_From Sonny:  
8:33 PM_

_Sure! Just name the time & place!_

* * *

"Mckayla, where's my iPod?"  
"I don't know, call it."

LMFAO! (;

THANKS; to all my oh so stunning reviewers. You guys are the bestest! Seriously, over three hundred?!? That's such an honor, and it's you guys that keep me writing.

:D

Suckiest chapter ever, I swear!


	15. JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!

**Title:** Oh, Baby!

**Rating:** T

**Summary: **Ms. Bitterman pairs Sonny and Chad up for a project in health class. Get ready for baby simulators, messy diapers, arguing, crying, loss of sleep, and maybe some love. Channy Multi-chapter xD

**A/N: **"Don't want no paper gangster. Won't sign no monkey papers. I don't do funny business, not interested in fakers." --- Lady GaGa. (Paper Gangster).

* * *

Chad's POV

A day with the guys didn't sound as fun as it should have. Maybe because I was still mad at Devon for accusing me of being jealous yesterday, which I'm so clearly not. But it was irking me not knowing whether or not he had indeed asked Sonny out. That didn't make me jealous. It made me curious. And as Albus Dumbledore says, _Curiosity is not a sin_.

But it did kill the cat, so that's raising my suspicions. Poor cat.

Hold on, I'm completely veering off topic. Was the topic boys day? A complete child free day for guys to chill and play pool and sip their Coca Cola (We are, after all, underage, therefore prohibiting us to sip Coors Light or anything of the sorts)? Yes, I do believe that's what I was talking about.

Yes, apparently the ladies were going to all have one giant play date with the rugrats, so Nico gave me a call, and told me about boys day. It was at his house, and we were just going to hang out and do dude stuff. Like in 'I Love You, Man', when they played guitar and "slapped the bass". Whatever that means.

Well, there were no guitars, only a smallish pool table with one stick and no cue ball, a rotating fan that didn't want to rotate my way, no matter where I stood, so I was seriously lacking cool air and bathing in my own perspiration, and Devon. That didn't add up to much of a good day if you asked me.

But at least Grady walked away for someone Sloppy Jonas (He kept talking gangster to me, so it was rather difficult to understand a word of what he was saying), which Nico stocked up on, carefully making sure he got none of my sandwiches for the occasion, and shooting me smug looks ever so often.

I let my mind wander to Sonny, wondering what she was doing at the moment. Was she having as much fun as I was? Or was she actually enjoying her time away from me, because she emphasized constantly she wanted to be as far away from me as humanly possible.

I remembered how she kept cooing Karma back to sleep last night. I secretly watched her, unable to sleep, and she didn't "wake me up" once. She seemed to be rather enjoying changing Karma's diaper or feeding her. She would make a great mom one day, I couldn't help but think as I watched her whisper to the baby. Her eyes were twinkling, even in the dark.

It was endearing to watch her communicate with the doll (and it didn't seem crazy in the slightest). She was very gently and motherly to it, as if it were real. I couldn't quite catch what she was saying, my ear being pressed into a pillow and whatnot, but the glimpses I caught were always the same bloody thing. ("Pretty baby, such a pretty baby. Shh, pretty baby, time for sleep).

That, on the other hand, did badger me. Last time I audited the big shiny watch of reality, the doll's name was Karma, not "Pretty Baby". Honestly, should I script it into her forehead for future reference, in case it happens to slip ones mind?

I'm just saying, it would help jog the seriously lacking memory of Sonny.

The rest of her words, however, were muffled. I yearned to get up and help her, but that would blow my cover.

I did doze off around three, so if Karma cried again, I was unaware.

But, whoa, back to reality. Oi, I must have been staring off into space with a bemused look on my face for a good five minutes. I glanced around, feeling heat rise to my cheeks, hoping no one noticed.

Someone did. That someone was Iylio. "You've been awfully quiet Chad. And that look you had on your face made it seem like you got clunked on the head with a coconut."

I shrugged lightly, watching him use an extra eight ball as a cue to knock a yellow striped one in (I wasn't very debonair at pool, as if that wasn't obvious). "Yeah man," I said through thin lips, trying not to show my embarrassment. God only knows how Devon would milk this opportunity. ("Probably just thinking of his 'Sonshine' again.")

Well, I'd show him, 'cause he was...right. But she wasn't _my _Sonshine, and I wasn't thinking of her in any way that scurvy old Devon was.

Carlos twirled the pool stick between his fingers, as if it were a paton, and worried his bottom lip between his teeth. Carlos was the only guy at_ Mackenzie Falls_ that was _okay_. He, unlike Iylio, didn't hang around with Devon, so that made him acceptable. He was dark-skinned, heavy set, and had dark curly hair. He was also a fan of Zac Efron, so that was one strike against him. But he was manageable and fun to talk to.

"I can't seem to get past your ball, Iylio," he drawled. Iylio smirked.

"You know," he said. "You could always knock it in."

Carlos returned the smirk, and winked. "Not likely." With that being said, he positioned the pool stick, hit the "cue ball", which bounced off a wall thingy, and hit a solid burgundy colored ball, knocking it in the hole, leaving a blue striped one that rested leisurely a few inches away from where the other ball unscathed. I watched in amazement as Iylio's jaw sagged and Carlos looked at him smugly.

"You were saying..." He probed, provoking Iylio. Devon broke into a round of applause, on Carlos's part, while Grady laughed around his Sloppy Jonas, and Nico shot him a thumbs up.

Carlos bowed, putting his hands up. "I'll be here all week!" he joked, laughing. I gave a little chuckle.

I had been here for a matter of ten minutes, and Carlos's triumph was the most amusing thing that happened.

Shoot me.

Devon turned to me. "Chad," he drawled in that conceivably annoying way of his. I looked up and feigned a rather placid smile.

"Yessss?" His smirk didn't fade but looked strained. He ran a finger around the edge of the pool table.

"How's your child? Kamie, or whatever."

I glared. "It's Karma. And she's fine, thanks for asking."

His smirk grew more broad. "How's...Sonny?" He winked.

I shrugged. "Fine."

"She sure is," he muttered.

I hissed a little, anger constricting in my chest. That didn't make me jealous. It made me able to sort the wrong from the bad. And Devon equals bad.

Speaking of naughty Devon, who had suddenly appeared right in front of me, he put his hand on my shoulder. I wanted to burn it with my telepathic heat rays. (Ha, if only...). "It's okay if I ask her out right?"

I licked my dry lips, bunching my quivering hands into fists. "Why do you need my permission?" I spat. I felt like a mother to a gusty teenage boy who was asking my permission to knock up some random bint. Had it been up to me, on Sonny's case, I would've confined him in a straight jacket and sent him to his room for the rest of his miserable, depleting adolescence.

Devon shrugged, his hand never leaving my shoulder. (C'mon heat rays, kick in, kick in!). "Isn't she your property?"

Oh hell no, he did not just say that. I slapped his hand off my shoulder and gaped at him. I only just noticed everyone else in the room turning to ogle at the scene slowly unfolding before their curious eyes. "She's not my property," I told him scathingly. Stupid git, ought to be plucked off the face of the earth with a pair of painful tweezers. Hey, ideas...

He blinked his wide, evil muddy eyes at me. "Oh, did I hit a nerve there, Chaddy boy?"

My fists tightened. Oh, how I thirsted for nothing more than to hit him in the facial area. Having never hit anyone before, I was afraid how that would turn out. What if I missed? It was hard to miss such a inflated head, and that was coming from me.

"Are you bunching your fists at me? If you want to hit me, go right ahead," he told me, shrugging again, as if it were not a big deal. I looked past him, at all the onlookers, eyes wider than plates. If I just maybe...

"Dammit!" he screeched, voice breaking in several places as my eager hand connected with his cheek. Several gasps were emitted, I think one from myself, before Devon smirked. "I said a punch, not a bitchslap."

A spasm of anger burst within me, and as I reached up to connect my awaiting fist with his jaw, I was suddenly blinded by a starburst of white as his fist got me right in the eye. Hissing between my teeth, trying not to scream in rage and pain. Holding my hand over my eye, I rose from the stool I was seated upon, and walked past him, brushing his shoulder, to the pool table. Grabbing the only stick left, which was undoubtedly too big for me, I turned to Nico. "Are we gonna play or what?" I asked as I moved my hand from my eye. I could hardly see through the puffiness of it, and knew I would be left with a black eye.

Nico gulped, his Adam's apple bobbing. I heard the clearing of a throat and the scratching of a head. "Sure," he croaked.

As we played, I avoided looking at Devon. When I caught glances of him, his usual smirk and cocky demeanor were wiped clean. If anything, he looked dazed, his eyes glassy, as if he had just awoken from a dream. All was silent in Nico's tiny basement, even Grady had nothing to say.

The shock never wore off of me, as well.

I could only imagine how Sonny would react.

She'd pin me with the blame, no doubt. I may have hit him first, but what he did was uncalled for.

In my brain anyway. And my take on logic may differ from Sonny's.

I _really _couldn't wait for this project to be over, then I wouldn't have to go home to her, and her inquiry to my black eye.

That's what I told myself anyway.

* * *

WORDS OF WISDOM; brought to you by The Mortal Instruments series by Cassandra Clare.

"Never screw with a blind monk."

----

"It's not gray. It's green."  
"If there was such a thing as terminal literalism, you'd have died in childhood."

I love that series so effing much, that when I found out Warner Bros. was adapting it into a film, I had an aneurysm and had to be revived by fanning myself with City Of Glass and chewing Extra sugar free gum.

LOL, I love that line too. Their discussing, "The Gray Book," so when Magnus whips it out with his magical warlock powers, Clary is compelled to point out the mistake in the title, seeing as how the book is not, indeed, gray. Hope knowing that made the line a little funnier.

ALSO; Gosh, I've realized I'm totally forgetting the entire purpose of the story. Which, you know, was Chad and Sonny raising Karma. I'm trying to weave some more of that fabulous fabrication in there, but my hands were just itching for a fight, fight, fight! But, I've gained control of the wheel once more, and I am luckily no longer in the bike lane. That could have been messy.

Let's play a game. I spy with my little eye a lonely little review button just begging for a hug. Don't be heartless, hug it! ;)

AND; Don't litter! The other day, my stepmom tossed a tissue out the window, and my dad said, and I hope this touches you deeply, "Everytime you litter, picture and Indian on the side of the road crying." If that's not motivation not to litter, I honestly don't know what is.

OANSFD; Don't ask what that means. Honestly, don't.

But I'm sick, and got to miss school today, enabling me to write this little gem, and watch Sex Drive (Hi-lar-ious!), and divulge myself in some Half Blood Prince (the book, not the movie). I also watched 10 Things I Hate About You (the movie, not the show) for like the umpteenth time, and it's SOOOO better than the show! The show is okay, but my god, Heath Ledger (RIP) makes a way better Patrick.

Did anyone see the VMA's? What did you think? Boo Kanye, eh?

I will now bid you farewell, for I've probably bored you to depression with my senseless rambling. How many of you actually read this?


	16. Gossip City

**Title:** Oh, Baby!

**Rating:** T

**Summary: **Ms. Bitterman pairs Sonny and Chad up for a project in health class. Get ready for baby simulators, messy diapers, arguing, crying, loss of sleep, and maybe some love. Channy Multi-chapter xD

**A/N: **Alec & Mangus ftw! ;) (_The Word Shaker_, you are my soul sister!)

* * *

Sonny's POV

Dear God,

No, it's not Margaret. I know how found you are of her.

It's Sonny. That girl from _So Random!_

Brunette and not officially part squirrel.

Hope that jogs your memory.

I'm not trying to keep you very long, I know how trying your job is, and I'll refrain from some of my other questions at the moment, for I have something on my mind that just keeps badgering me. See, it's a simple question I once asked Santa Clause, and, _no_, I do not want a unicorn. Not at the moment anyway.

I was just curious as to why you're torturing me. I haven't been naughty at all this year, and yet you still send me a pair of sodding socks?!

Oh, wait, sorry, repressed memories just keep on popping up.

Well, I hope you can take a small portion of your day to answer my inquiry, for it would mean a lot to have an answer. And see if you can get in touch good ol' Saint Nick, while you're at it, please? I never received my answer from him, but my mom claims the postman "lost it in the mail."

Well we'll just see, now won't we? Who's laughing now Mr. Postman?

_Sincerely yours_,

Allison Isabelle Munroe.

---

Does anybody know God's address?

---

Some might say that I was being a tad melodramatic about this whole ordeal. But I'm one hundred and fifty percent positive those "some people" have never spent even five minutes with Tawni and Portlyn, AKA, the queen's of the gossip kingdom. If you have indeed faced the wrath of them together, you have my deepest apologies. I know just how . . . interesting such tedious situations can be.

I've worked with both of them, remember?

The other part of the torture did not include my day with the girls. It included my day with the boy. Yes, Chad. Ms. Bitterman, I've concluded, has an empty void where her heart should be. Nothing but a black vortex, sucking all the sympathy out of the forsaken woman.

Nope, not melodramatic at all.

I don't think Chad and I would make a good couple in the slightest. Nope, nada, _at all_. We'd be the most repulsive couple in the history of humanity.

Wow, I'm really getting good at this whole "not melodramatic" thing.

I'm also a good actor if you fell for that.

It was also Twitter's fault. How else would someone spurn up the idea that Chad and myself might possibly be cute together. It was the stupid kissing sketch, but I didn't even kiss him, so in your face! Pwned, sucker!

Oh, I even sound like Chad!

FML.

I looked over at Tawni, who'd offered to pick me up from Chad's, seeing as how I was seriously lacking in the automobile department. I was going to have to drop a friendly little line to my good ol' friend Santa Clause about the mistake he made. All I wanted was a cute little Audi . . .

And I got a gift card to PinkBerry in it's place. A sodding gift card.

Thank you, Santa. (Gosh, I sure hope you didn't fall for that, I stopped believing in Santa three weeks ago).

And now, ladies and gentlemen, let's get to the beginning of the story.

It all started when we pulled into Tawni's driveway . . .

(Twinkling sound and blur as it fades into story, like a flashback . . . Couldn't resist the yummy temptation; it'd be like teasing a famished wolf with strips of glazed honey dijon pork tenderloin ;D).

---

"This is your _house?_" I gaped, mouth slack. It looked like a palace, catering only to royalty. Well, then again, Tawni could be considered royalty, if you looked at it in a certain way. Only royalty would own as many tiaras as Tawni does.

A sticky sweet grin stretched across her lips. "Nope. This is my _kingdom_."

I rolled my eyes a little, though a nervous seed was planted in my stomach. I was afraid if I made just the slightest of a wrong turn, I'd be forever trapped in a room full of Tawni's shoes and assorted handbags.

Unbuckling my seatbelt (with some difficulty due to the fact Karma was swatting at my hand and giggling in an evil manner that inexplicably reminded me of Zora, which sent freaky chills up my spine and whatnot), I emerged from the car with a sheepish grin (having nearly tripped on the blasted seatbelt).

And that's when I was greeted by an explicit amount of perfume, and two sinewy arms tightly constricted me in a bear hug. I coughed and spluttered, nearly dropping Karma, whose robo-hands were scraping at the intruder of my little bubble of personal space.

Lia stepped backwards with a rueful blush, and I gave her a small smile. "Sonny," she squealed, having regained composure. "It's so good to see _you_."

I bit my lip to keep from yelping; Lia had wound her hand around my wrist like a manacle and gave a rough tug, nearly knocking me over. Holding Karma just a tad tighter, I followed her into Tawni's house, Tawni herself tailing me in and watching me with a greedy suspicion. I wouldn't be surprised if she made each and every one of us turn out our pockets upon leaving.

The house unfolded like a map before me. It was so glamorous and debonair, I wouldn't have found it inappropriate to have a mermaid fountain of gold in the center of the foyer. If anything, I'd be thinking, 'Where's the golden river?'

But no, no mermaid poised on a stand, melted gold spurting from her agape mouth was smack dab in the center of the living room. A large couch to roughly fit twelve or so people, basked in white leather, by a coffee table that had a bouquet of wildly colorful flowers and an old copy of _Home Gardens_ and _O_. A leafy plant, clearly fake, was set in the corner, by a large window flooding sunlight into the room. On the couch was Tawni's baby Ryan, face buried in leather, bawling his battery/heart out.

Tawni made no move to console him, and I gave an inaudible whimper for him. The other babies next to him (Zena; Zora's. Caspian; Portlyn's. & Ollivander; Lia's) were silent, except for the occasional giggle, but moving their heads, as if looking around the room. Which was scary, y'know? Or maybe you don't.

Moving forward, I placed Karma gently next to Ollivander and grabbed Ryan, consoling him as Tawni said, "Well, where's Aimee?"

Portlyn said, or rather sneered in her usual Portlynmanner, "Had a rough day at school. Wanted to be alone." And it was true. Ms. Bitterman was sincerely rude to her, wringing out any tears of Aimee's. Trigonometry is a touchy subject with her, it appears.

Lia added, "Not to mention hard time on set. Kept screwing up her lines because she was so hung up on her episode in class, that she got yelled at again. She was hysterical."

I frowned for Aimee.

A loud "yecht" came from the kitchen, and Zora stemmed from it, her face puckered as if she'd just bitten into a lemon. "Tawni, your punch is sour. Did you even refrigerate it?"

Tawni's smile twitched. "Where was I supposed to put my shoes?" And she winked.

Ryan's cries dwindled away slowly, and I placed him on the couch that now seated a fuming Zora, a smiling Tawni, a sneering Portlyn, and a quite distracted Lia. Smoothing my skirt, I gingerly placed myself down next to Tawni and stealthily ran my eyes over my watch. How much longer would we be here anyway?

I really just wanted to get away so I could be with-

Karma.

Not Chad.

Not melodramatic.

Not...gah!

"Sonny...are you...are you okay?" came the timid voice of Lia.

I tried to smile and wipe the pained look from my face. "F-fine."

A clammy hand was pressed to my forehead, and I turned to look at Zora. "No, really. I'm fine."

Zora tutted under her breath. But she nevertheless removed her hand.

Portlyn gave a manish giggle. "Everything's always fine in SonnyLand," she muttered.

I glared at her with my icicle shooting eyes.

"So," Tawni interrupted quickly and smoothly. "Whose heard about Miley and Nick...?"

--

Heaving a sigh, I turned to the bubbly blonde in the drivers seat. "Tawni!" I shrieked.

"But-so-I-was-like-'Uh-yeah-right'-and-she-was-all-'No-seriously'-and-I-was-like-'Pshaw'-but then-" She was speaking so fast it was a wonder she managed to catch a breath in between her words. Tawni, truly, wouyld always remain a mystery.

"Tawni!"

"He-totally-told-me-that-he-like-had-a-gf-and-whatnot-and-I-was-all-'Oh-wtf-like-mention-that-before-hand-Mr.-Bravado-'"

"TAWNI!"

She snapped her eyes to me.

"How long are we going to sit in Chad's driveway?" I asked. Sure, I liked Tawni, but spending an hour in Gossip City's heart only to have a recap of said hour was not exactly what I wanted to do. If I had to sit her for another hour, I might have burst into flames.

I was so wrapped up in my head, I failed to see the Porsche parked in the driveway.

"Sorry," she murmured. A blush warped her cheeks.

"Listen, I'm gonna go inside, but text me later. Kay?" I didn't want to make her feel too bad. She was Tawni, after all.

She nodded vehemently. "Okay, I'll totes finish the story for you. Like-"

"Okay, goodbye," I said mechanically, and at an inhuman speed managed to extract myself from the car with Karma safely in my arms. With a wave, I flitted toward Chad's extravagant front door, _STILL _failing to notice the damned Porsche gleaming in the driveway. (Honestly, when did I become so bloody unobservant?)

I threw open the door and called out. "Chaaaad. Are you here?!"

I skipped into the living room to see a livid Chad smiling a tight smile. A bruise bloomed across his eye.

"Chad?!" I gasped. "What in the name of butterscotch has happened to you?!"

"Sonny," he hissed. "Welcome."

"Chad!"

"These," he indicated to the blonde man and woman I'd also failed to notice sitting on the loveseat that looked exceptionally like him, "are my parents."

--

I think I handled it well.

In a way to those who drop their baby simulators and scream, I handled it well.

Well, at least I didn't scream.

* * *

"Jesus!"  
"Actually, it's just me. But I've been told the resemblance is startling."

I love you, Simon. I also love Kurt (Glee), and Sid (Skins), and of course, Ron (Harry Potter)! SimonKurtSidRon ftw!

Word to the nerds.

Sorry if you wanted more in depth detail on their riveting girls day and I failed to supply it, for I could not spin any fantastical happenings into it, so I just left it open for interpretations.

I've also recently realized that It'd be pretty spiffy to have a pet platypus. Phineas and Ferb make it look so easy.

So, I fell down the stairs the other day. And not the "uh-uh-uh-uh" on your butt kinda way, but the "AHAHAHA" hilarious TV comedy roll kinda way. It was only me and Ally in the stair well (Thank God!), but there's a camera there, and I have this nagging feeling that those darned office ladies put it on YouTube...

My shin is all bruised and exceptionally sensitive.

I'm on Deathly Hallows! Weeeeee! I love JK Rowling, for she mentioned Rupert in HBP. Slughorn could never get Ron's name right, and called him Ralph, then Rupert, and I think I squealed so loud, I woke the dead.

Their seeking vengeance.

I had Homecoming for Drill Team tonight, and since I'm in eighth grade, I got a tiara, and a sash with six stars (I've been on it for six years). It was all fun, and my parents and Ally escorted me onto the field. But I messed up on the friggin' flag routine. Our song was Circus, LMFAO.

Wow, I like sharing my life with you. LOL. Alright, you might as well get something out of this.

Song recommendations:

Dark Blue; Jack's Mannequin.  
In The City; Kevin Rudolf.  
One And Only; Timbaland.  
Bitch, I'm The Bomb (Like Tick Tick); Lil Wayne.  
We Flood Empty Lakes; Yndi Halda (Remix).  
Comes & Goes In Waves; Greg Laswell.  
Boring; Pink.

Basically, it's anything that's been bopping around my head the last few days.

;)


	17. Meet The Parents: SWAC Style

**Title:** Oh, Baby!

**Rating:** T

**Summary: **Ms. Bitterman pairs Sonny and Chad up for a project in health class. Get ready for baby simulators, messy diapers, arguing, crying, loss of sleep, and maybe some love. Channy Multi-chapter xD

* * *

Chad's POV

Why oh why had I been the stupid, egotistical (as some half-baked people would say, though I'm clearly missing something, for I fail to see any supercilious bones in my body. So, yes, I like to admire myself in the mirror for an hour each day, but if I didn't, I may going out looking like a wretched fool who apparently has never heard of a _comb_. No thank you) bloke who forget to check the accursed date, that I'd marked on the calender in a bleeding Sharpie AND underlined it (that's quite serious)?

Because it'd simply melted from my mind on ice cream like on a hot day.

Or, to put it in plainer words, I'd just forgotten.

_October 4th, 2009._

**PARENTS COME HOME FROM BRISTOL!**

Apparently, the wrath of bold had zero effect on me whatsoever. Bold, for crying out loud, and I'd still forgotten.

I was an idiot.

Idiot**Idiot**_Idiot_Idiot! Regular, bold, italics, and underlined. That ought to seep in my oh-so-beautious neurons.

I'm an idiot!

I like to think that I handled it particularly well. When I pulled up and was deemed incapable of noticing their new Porsche (when'dthey get that?), I silently ambled into my house, fuming. Let's just say that the rest of the guy's day was utmost annoying, with Devon throwing me pointed glances ever so often.

I guess I'd forgotten how quick my dad was, for when I saw them staring skeptically at Karma's crib, and tried to make a break for it, he was across the room in a flash and suffocating me in a wrought iron grip that he seemed to think was a fatherly hug, but was his way of preventing escape to safety and humanity and dragging my mother so she could greet me, ala the french way. ("J'mapelle chien," I'd said when she greeted me, but found out moments later that that meant, "My name is Dog." My dad found it hilarious).

There are some things I expect to be lingering amongst my mom and dad, which are, ahem (Whips out list with magical warlock powers that are much cooler than Roonil Wazlib's or, y'know, whatever his darned name is):

1) Freshly baked skin and teeth whiter than one could imagine possible (_Check_).

2) A new language locked down and chained into their minds that they accidentally begin speaking to me in it (_Check_).

3) Mom, with a new hairstyle that fits the needs of her current, or ex-current location (_Check_. _Back to blonde, and in springy coiffed curls_).

4) Sheepish looks which means their deprived of Mackenzie-money and are in need of more, more, more, for, let's just say, Australia this time. (_CheckCheck**Check**_).

Let's just say, I was not disappointed.

"Chad, m'boy," my dad chirped, squeezing my shoulder -Merlin, when did he become so strong?- before seating himself next to my breathless with exhilartion (and shock, for I'd grown several inches since the last time they'd dropped by for, as I'd liked to call it, Mackenzie-money) mother on the loveseat.

I couldn't help but be peeved at the fact they were sitting on Sonny's makeshift bed. Then I shook it off-

-Because who should walk in at that moment? Why, the devil herself, of course.

"Chaaaad," came the trilling ring of her voice, annoyance seeping into her dulcet tones. "Are you here?"

No, Sonny. My car's in the driveway because I bloody _walked_ to Nico's.

See what my parents (who were exchanging quizzical looks) do to me. They were like a virus glomming onto my skin, leaving me raw and pissed as hell.

I turned to face the doorway that entered the living room, and was staring at Sonny and Karma. Sonny said something about butterscotch and my black eye, but I wasn't really listening. My parents, as always, would jump to the worst conclusion, and think that Sonny was...oh, that word was just teasing my gag reflex...

Girlfriend.

And I simply shudder at the thought.

Not there's anything wrong with Sonny, so don't all you townsfolk come after me, brandishing pitchforks and torches, and yelling, "Down with the beast!"

Would you want to go out with Not-So-Sonny, the girl who gauges you with ridiculous nicknames, such as "Cotton-headed-ninny-muggins"?

She was the bane of your existence, for Merlin's sake! The person placed upon the Earth by God with a futile mission at hand: Destroying you! She was designed for the sole purpose of annihilating you and cleansing the Earth of all "Cotton-headed-ninny-muggins."

Yes, thank you, Will Ferrell. Your performance in Step Brothers is not going to make up for it this time.

Still...

Sonny did look good in that top-

Thus your problem. You were giving into the luster in her hair, and the cute printed whales on her blouse. Cute. Printed. Whales.

It was all apart of her evil plot. Tempting you with good shampoo and adorable t-shirts. If only you hadn't been born brilliant, _then where would we be?_

Y'know something, internal battles can be quite distracting sometimes.

Raising my eyes to Sonny, and clenching my teeth to keep from _screaming like a three year old who lost his Fozzie Bear_, I said in a slightly venomous voice, "Sonny. Welcome."

Her nose crinkled and just the tiniest bit of hair fell into her eyes...

Meh. Mortal enemy. Just keep reminding yourself, bud.

I knew what she was thinking as if she said her words aloud. _What twisted his knickers?_

Try looking at Blondie and Blonder over there, will ya?

Trying to regain what minuscule composure I had left, I very discreetly let my eyes dart faster than quicksilver from her, to _mes parents._

Her eyes slowly but surely swept over the room before they stopped dead and nearly bulged out of their sockets, on my parents. She seemed to be paralyzed as if I'd struck her unexpectedly, but then, as if life had zoomed in just as fast as it zoomed out, she shifted her arms-

And Karma fell with the dullest of thuds to the floor.

Smooth one, Bond. And I thought I was the one who was in dire need of composure (and frankly, some painkillers, just to put me out of the black hole of misery that had caught me in a whirlwind).

Sonny, face as red as a beetroot, quickly scrambled to the floor and snatched up Karma in a haste, clutching her to her chest and trying to look as if nothing at all had happened, more or less that she'd even dropped the simulator. Karma's cries were loud and insistent.

I snuck a glance at my parents.

Dear Merlin, did their faces say it all.

Eyes as wide as the world, and pursed lips. They looked as if they'd just clunked their head on a brick wall; their pupils were huge and dilated.

Sonny tried shushing her, but to no avail. The color in face had not died down; if anything, it seemed to flare up to a whole new level of crimson, before she sighed wearily and looked at me. "Chad, I think she needs a diaper change," and she nodded her head towards the baby basket.

I could've thanked her and kicked her at the same time.

Flustering as I rose clumsily from the couch, I said, "Alright, go on in the kitchen, and I'll meet you there."

With a curt nod, and a brighter blush as she glanced at my parents, she left the room.

I made a move for the baby basket.

But with the whole quick-as-a-flash dad situation, actually managing to grab it would've been downright impossible.

"Chad," he said warningly, the baby basket dangling loosely from the fingers that held it so carelessly.

And I blanched at him.

No.

He didn't...

He couldn't...

...Oh, my God.

"Dad, that's not my baby!" I said hurriedly without completely thinking it through.

Oh, why hadn't life come with a "rewind" button. Sure would make my laugh a hell of a lot easier. I'm sure my words were very comforting to the man who now thought his son was dating, well, a slut. Pardon my french, **pardon mon français**, and please, angry moms, drop your spatula and step away from the car keys, but I'm sure that's what he was thinking, only with several more explicits.

Oh baby! I was treading deep water filled with dangerous creatures, poised to kill.

Good ol' daddy began to splutter, and momentarily thankful for the distraction, I snatched a diaper from the baby basket and nearly galloped off to the kitchen, squealing an un-Chad-like squeal when he almost managed to seize the back of my shirt.

I burst into the kitchen.

"OhmyGod!" Sonny squealed, hand flying up to cover her heart. Then she looked disdainfully at me. "You scared me," she said.

In light of what was going on, I couldn't help but retort cockily as a smirk swallowed up my lips, "Nah. I make all the girls heartbeat's rise."

She narrowed her eyes. Karma was eagle spread on the table, no longer crying, but moaning tearfully, waiting for a diaper change. It was a good thing her secretion did not _smell_...

Because it looked terribly gross.

I could tell she was working very hard not to raise her voice; she failed. "_Why in the name of Baron Hotschaft Von Hugenstein did you not tell me you're parents were going to be in town today!?_"

I blinked at her, as her sentence died down, as did the hectic flush of anger in her cheeks, though her eyes were still murderous. "I forgot," I said honestly, which I had a tendency of not doing, so it was no surprise when she threw a scornful look at the calender on my fridge and said,

"Sure."

I, too, looked at it. Bold words, and I'd managed to forget. Sonny was probably accusing me of breaking all ten commandments in her head, and swearing so fluently she could put any truck driver to shame.

Well, probably. She was after all Sonny.

"I did forget, I swear. I marked that date when they left three months ago." And then I narrowed my eyes suspiciously at her. "Who's Baron?"

She rolled her eyes impatiently, fingering the edge of her blouse as a nervous jitter. "Grow up, Chad."

"This coming from the girl who dubbed me the mayor of Jerkilslivakia," I shot back. (A/N: Honestly, forgive my wretched spelling). "_And _danced like a chicken."

She tutted under her breath. "What_ever_," she said, in a quite girly way. I raised an eyebrow.

"Just put the damned diaper on Karma," she said darkly.

I reached to give her the diaper.

Then her words sunk in.

"You change her!"

She sighed hotly. (Not hot as in hot but hot as in annoyed). "I change her all the time. It's time your start sharing responsibilities."

I glanced at the diaper and shuddered. "Bad _Huggies_ memories."

She yet again rolled her eyes. "Honestly Chad, you're as useful as a gum wrapper."

With the hand that wasn't holding the despicable object called a diaper, I popped my collar. "And as hot as a tamale."

"Urgh!" she shrieked. She gave a nice good kick to my shin.

"Yeeeouch!"

"If you don't change that diaper, I'm leaving you!" she threatened.

It was my turn to roll my eyes. "Like that's going to make me change it," I muttered.

She kicked me again.

"Must you keep doing that?"

She kicked me yet again. I nearly buckled into the pain. Hadn't I had a bad enough day already?

"Yes. Now change her." When I made no move, she hissed, "_Now._"

Scrambling forward, I quickly handed Sonny the dirty diaper and, it took me a minute (or ten) managed to sloppily put the diaper on Karma. I looked up and beamed at Sonny, but her hands were on her hips. She was tapping her foot impatiently.

"Let's just go rejoin your parents before they think we're fornicating on their kitchen table."

I hesitated for a moment, but with a muffled curse, Sonny grabbed my collar and lugged me toward my awaiting fate.

* * *

"And do something called a 'Google'. I don't know what it is, but it sounds filthy."

Maxxie, you never cease to amaze the heck out of me. Search "Maxxie's Video Diary" on YouTube. Omg, three hot guys dancing to Alvin And The Chipmunks? My prayers have been answered.

A couple of things;

1. The next chapter will continue from their exit of the kitchen, in case you were curious. No way would I leave you there.

2. I got really sloppy toward the end.

3. I need names for Chad's parents.

4. I snuck on the computer (I'm grounded) to write this for you.

5. My friend Michelle and I are wearing a tiara to school tomorrow. (For Drill Team!)

6. I have a four day weekend.

7. I'm going to see _Whip It _on Friday.

8. Mother Nature's a bitch. (Long story).

9. Josh's arm is really weird (Longer story).

10. This is basically my author's note in a shorter list form.


	18. What's The Worst That Could Happen?

**Title:** Oh, Baby!

**Rating:** T

**Summary: **Ms. Bitterman pairs Sonny and Chad up for a project in health class. Get ready for baby simulators, messy diapers, arguing, crying, loss of sleep, and maybe some love. Channy Multi-chapter xD

* * *

Sonny's POV

There are some things a girl just expects to return home to, and those things are usually as they are supposed to be.

'Usually' being the key word.

Well, first she expects to return home to . . . well, home. Not Chad's house.

Secondly, she's expecting, if not, anticipating to see Chad with a compact mirror, plucking his eyebrows (Of course, this is a bit of fancying the illusion, considering Chad, if this conspiracy was brought up with him, would have said something along the lines of, "How dare you believe Chad Dylan Cooper would waste away his day primping his own eyebrows when he can easily hire someone to do it? You're underestimating me, Sonny.")

Thirdly, she sure as heck does not expect to arrive to meet the man and woman who dared reproduce vile people such as Chad.

Just off the top of my head, of course.

If I'd actually dare make a list . . .

We'd be here for days.

Seeing as how I've got somewhere to be in . . . well, soon, I will not compose a list that could undoubtedly become a hit on Oprah's booklist (no one can claim I lack imagination). I will however, give you a little summary of my day, up until the present.

1) _9:12 _Awakes, _for the sixth time_, due to Karma's cries, which inexplicably must be on some deranged, disarrayed, not to mention _random _timer. No real baby cries that much with a dry diaper, just because their binky falls out of their mouth. God forbid she doesn't have little rubber teeth to bite the plastic little thing and then we'd all be just a _little _more happy.

2) _10:56 _Emerges from the shower wrapped in a white linen towel, feeling like a serpent who just went through Ecdysis; like I'd just shed a layer of skin, dirt, and makeup.

3) _10:57 _Comes face to face with big ol' vapid himself, who was dancing by the bathroom door, just waiting to go to the bathroom, his face pained and constricted; though, his eyes did widen when they saw me.

4) _10: 58 _Pretends not to know he has at least two more bathrooms, and is just looking for a way to satisfy his teenage guy hormones that some girls call "The Attack Of The Sexist Pigs." I can honestly say that I agree fully, and think guys should be born sophisticated and mature, cause God knows it'd make our lives easier.

5) _12:15 _Getting ready to leave after feeding Karma, only to have her spit up on me for accidentally burping her too forcefully. I knew, just by the little ant in my head called instinct, that she couldn't hold down all that milk for much longer, for her bathroom patterns were irregular. (If only there was such a thing as baby simulator doctors).

6) _12: 56 _Arrives at Tawni's, to be greeted by Lia and a masochistic Portlyn.

7) _2:07 _Leaves Tawni's after an hour of gossip, only to have a recap of said gossip, forging me to delve into my deepest memories of back in Wisconsin.

8) _2:42 _Manages to escape and nearly trip my way into Chad's house, to see the sight I'd never thought I'd see.

_Dun, dun, dun._

9) _2:44 _Drops Karma after being greeted by the awestruck faces of Chad Dylan Cooper's creators.

His parents.

Mother and father.

Padre and Madre.

So, in the words of basically every teen girl across America:

Oh.

My.

God.

Only it's not being squealed in excitement.

More or less, it's shock.

And possibly anger at Chad's blackened eye.

And thank the heavens I didn't say it out loud, but instead made my tongue bleed from biting it so darned hard.

#$%!

You'll never know what that means.

Face the wrath of discretion.

Heh.

Sorry if I seem a bit, to put it in something people call a "Fanfiction" terms, OOC today, but if you were in my size six Puma's, you'd be feeling exactly the same way; like you'd just fallen down the rabbit hole.

With the feeling of dropping down a ten foot laundry shoot making my stomach plummet into my toes, I emerged from the kitchen tugging Chad in toe, Karma tucked into my arm, and gave a right good sigh. Chad's parent's heads were pressed together in a sharp whispering.

I watched them. His father looked exactly like Chad, just twenty years older. His jaw was more chiseled; he had grown into his body, his broad shoulders sharp and pointed. His blonde hair was slicked back with what was not a copious amount of gel and curled around the nape of his bronzed neck. His mother had softer features. Slight laugh lines around her mouth, shown even while frowning, glowing blue eyes, and platinum blonde hair that just fell in soft waves. It looked almost as though I was glimpsing at Chad's future, and the blonde lady was his wife.

"Ow," he hissed in my ear, breath hot, as I pulled my nails free from his skin. Hmph, hadn't even noticed I'd jabbed him.

The beast in my chest grumbled angrily. Hmph (yet again).

Where'd he come from?

He needs to go away.

Oh, wow (A/N: CASSIE! I stole your dialogue. --- "Oh, wow," Cassie. Skins).

I've officially gone mental.

Seriously, I need a straight jacket and a cell with padded walls.

I'm not kidding, my head is swirling with vertigo, which is a sure sign that a fainting is on the horizon.

I took a deep breath.

"Mischa, Arthur," Chad said in stiff, trying-to-be-formal-yet-casual tone. "This is Allison, my . . . " He faltered and blushed. "Well, this is Allison."

I let go of his collar and pinched his wrist. He sucked in air between his teeth. "What was that for?" he whispered.

"My name is Sonny," I said almost bitterly, to him and his parents.

I could feel his glare.

But he should know . . .

No one calls me Allison. That's basically common sense in a nut shell. Dang boy probably didn't break the shell.

"Hello, Sonny," Mischa said after a moment's silence. Her nose was scrunched up.

Oh, well, I don't like the name Mischa, so pwned. You don't like my name, I don't like yours.

"Hello, Mrs. Cooper. Mr. Cooper."

Arthur nodded his greeting.

And the awkward silence ensues.

I never handled silence well. Silence is the sound of fear. I learned that from a wide range of horror movies. Of course, screaming is the sound of fear too...

Still.

I loathed silence.

"Sonny and I are working on a school project together. With Karma. Like the parenting the egg project, only we're parenting a baby simulator."

I pretended not the see the flicker, like a flame on the wick of a candle, of relief on their faces. What, I'm not good enough for a Cooper, because I'm on a comedy show? Hmm, well, I guess I'll just have to show them.

Grabbing Chad around his neck, and resisting the urge to strangle the doggone life out of him, I kissed him smack dab on the cheek. I heard him squeak in surprise, and I whispered lightly, "Play along."

I tried not to notice that my ribs were taking a beating from my rapidly pounding heart. Being so near to Chad sent my heart into overdrive, though I'd written the blame off to Twitter. Had that seed not been planted in my head . . .

It was a second later I pulled away from my "embrace" with Chad's cheek, and when I turned to look at his parents, they were flustered and Chad was red.

Oh, well, my day just got slightly more interesting.

10)_ 2:57_ Commences to fool the heck out of Chad's parents.

What's the worst that could happen?

. . .

11) _3:16 _The worst happens.

* * *

"Describe a werewolf."  
"R-E-M-U-S L-U-P-I-N."

I wish I could find that fanfic so I could credit the author for that wonderful dialogue.

Oh ho ho! Cliffie bo biffie!

Teehee. You must hate me. I hate cliffies as well, and I would be bashing my head in with the keyboard if I were you. I just had to do it, because I realllllllllly wanted to write the whole parent scenario from CDC's POV, cuz it is his parents and what not. LMFAO. Sonny is OOC, yes, (she mentioned it herself), but I've been OOC lately as well. Something must have happened when I fell down the stairs.

OMFGWTFBBQ; I'M FINISHED HARRY POTTER SERIES! *Deep breathing, in with the Ron Weasley, out with the Death Eaters.* Yipsagirlpledink, Deathly Hallows was not disappointing. I got weepy when my favorite characters (apart from Harry, Ron, and Malfoy, and basically all the important ones) died (yes thank you, Ms. Rowling), but I'll spare spoilers and won't tell you who said characters were. If you really want to know, just ask in the review.

Also, a big ol', "HOT DAYUUUM!" to Mrs. Weasley for calling Bellatrix Lestrange a bitch. Seriously, that made my day.

I want to write an HP story so badly, but I'm finding it a lot harder than it looks to be. Damn the foolish easy looking appearance. False advertisement.

SO; Even though we're still shifting away from Karma, am I doing a pretty good job so far? We're like what, the third day into their adventure, and it's already mad long. Jeeeesh, never knew I could write so much. I just let my fingers do the work, really. Thank them, not me. ;)

I have a reccomended reads that'll knock your socks off.

Basically, my favorites.

Teehee.

Eh, you need to write a bad chapter sometimes, helpd deflate the ego, and whatnot.

THANKS FOR ALL MY LOVELY REVIEWERS WHO ALWAYS ASTOUND ME!


	19. stars, hide your fires!

**Oh, Baby!  
**stars, hide your fires!

* * *

Chad's POV

Ah, the smell of awkward in the air. A bitter, pungent smell, much like formaldehyde, that just makes you think, "Damn, a gay baby was just born." Which, in retrospect, just climaxes the level of awkward from *blush* to the skyrocketing altitude of *abort!abort!abort!*. And everything becomes so unbearably awkward that you find yourself humming _It's a Hard Knock Life _under your breath just to puncture that little tension bubble.

So Sonny Munroe just had to simply go and land a wet one on my cheek to relieve all that pent up sexual frustration that girls harbor? And in front of my parents, for Merlin's sake! If that didn't scream, 'Holy bajeebies!', I could tell you now that nothing would.

And what's worse? I _blushed_. Like a twelve year old girl who'd just got a wink from her favorite movie star. (Although, that, as well, I'm appointing to Swine flu, because it's quite clearly severing my blush compass, shooting it up from 'neigh' to 'hold your horses, red face!' I'm not quite sure what pigs I've been rolling around with, but bacon and ham are slashed from my diet. Swear).

My parents are, erm, picky when it comes to who (or whom, really, does grammar matter on such tedious occasions such as the one I've found myself tangled up in?) I fraternize with. They prefer I spend the rest of my life someone who has all of the following qualities:

1) Someone with a 4.0 GPA and a scholarship to Harvard.

2) Preferably a blonde, or strawberry blonde, or dirty blonde, or something in the blonde family tree that just kept sprouting up available/desperate leaves.

3) Someone with bleach white teeth that shine when light hits them. Said person, in order to have such teeth, cannot smoke, drink coffee and or tea, and must brush their teeth at least six times a day. Caspice?

4) In addition to having all of the above, they must: be fun loving, generous, caring, love _The Nanny _(It's a family thing, long story), enjoy funny movies but be brave during horror movies, be committed (but not clingy, never clingy), and appreciate how much I resemble a Greek God (that's _MY _preference. ;D).

And let's just say Sonny…erm, lacked some of said qualities. (Numbers one through four). Sonny was smart, that was undeniable. But she wasn't "Paternal Preference" smart, and that just wouldn't cut it with my parents, unfortunately. She wasn't blonde, so that little tree fell on it's own. Her unhealthy addiction to caffeine (IE, soda and coffee) tinted her teeth to a dull white. Nearly perfect…

Just not enough.

And not enough wasn't going to cut it.

Sonny was also, as I've heard, a huge wimp when it came to horror flicks. She cried -Portlyn told me, when her and the other girls in Condor Studios went to see Paranormal Activity - because she was so terrified. She also - from the not-so-reliable-yet-bluntly-honest-source Zora - detests _The Nanny_, because Fran's voice, "Is just so darned irritating," as to quote Sonny's exact wording. Cooper's love _The Nanny_, it's the only tradition we've ever established.

Sonny was out of the question in my parent's books, and that's why they began to splutter the moment her unforgiving lips descended ruthlessly onto my cheek.

I couldn't help but give a barely audible squeak in surprise as her warm, minty breath caressed the shell of my ear. "Play along," she breathed softly, and it took all my self-control to not faint right then and there from how hard my heart was pounding. Surely it would've exploded in a assortment of multi-colored confetti by now. But no, it just kept punching my poor ribs.

And ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the present, where everything is so confusing, that the Mayan's just turned in their graves, thinking, "Why didn't we see this coming? Very crucial to the future, it is."

So, trying to allow saliva to moisten my suddenly bone dry mouth, I slung my arm around Sonny's waist, and pulled her closer to me. My cheeks were burning like the summer sun, and my parents were stuttering, forming incoherent sentences.

"Wha - when - how… - huh?" was what my mother was saying, while my father, swore loudly under his breath. Sonny looked as nonchalant as ever, and it was really irritating that she could maintain her cool while I was three seconds away from suffering from a mental breakdown.

"Chad, pumpkin-" Oh my God, she'd taken up a country accent, like she'd just got back from milking the cows. It was as if she knew all of my parents' pet peeves. "Didn't you tell them, darling? They don't know that we're dating?"

My dad sprung up in surprise and outrage, an undertone of purple painting his cheeks. He'd had that same color in his face when I'd screwed up my lines on my first guest appearance on _Dawson's Creek_, and the executive producer considered rehiring me. That was a lethal color.

Uh-oh.

"Chad Dylan Cooper-" He stretched a thin, livid smile. "Why didn't you tell us you were dating such a-" He paused, reconsidered his words, then said, "Why didn't you tell us you were dating?"

I shrugged lightly, giving off an air of boredom. Always better to keep your cool, Cooper.

Because that's what Cooper's do best.

So, yanking Sonny down upon the couch (rather roughly for my payback, which I got - she growled low and dangerously in my ear, making it look like she was whispering sentiments of love by curling up a cool smile onto her lips which I could just feel chilling my ear), I smiled at both my parents, and said lightly, "Sonny and I are happily together, father."

And I could see the brilliancy of her plan. Hoodwinking my parents, possibly just for the fun of it. I smiled, crinkling my eyes just a bit, but thanks to damned Devon, a hurl of pain shot right into my black eye, and I hissed under my breath. My mother threw a frightful glance at my eye. Good thing about her, she didn't show her disgust toward Sonny (like a certain male paternal unit sitting in the room) on her face. But it was there.

"I should…get you some ice," she squeaked almost silently. "Arthur, come with me."

My dad's face spasmed (which isn't really a word? Psh, whatever) and he opened his mouth to chide a retort, but my mom put on her "stern" look, and said crossly, "Now."

Shoulders slumped in resignation, my dad shuffled into the kitchen after her.

I rounded in on Sonny. "Are you _mad_, woman?" Mustn't give into the brilliancy of her plan. That'd be feeding the enemy adrenaline pills, while she fed you sleeping pills. You just were not going to win.

She crossed her arms over her chest and sighed agitatedly. Her mouth was in a seductive pout - _not seductive! You're giving in, Coop. Buck up, don't let hormones control you. Though, you saw her in that towel this morning, all dripping wet…_

Awh hell.

"Who blacked your eye, Chad? I want to send them chocolates," she leered evilly. I growled, much like a lion whose prey managed to narrowly escaped, and lunged at her, tackling her to the couch, crushing Karma between us. Her little plastic hands dug painfully into my ribcage as I locked Sonny's hands down onto the couch with my own, but I ignored it.

"Ch-Chad," she stuttered, warm red glowing in her cheeks. Her lips were parted enticingly, and her spearmint breath fanned my face.

And then came hormones.

Anger subsiding, I raised myself up a little, trying to hide my, ahem, problem. She didn't seem to notice as she hissed, "Who lit the fuse on your tampon?"

I tightened the grip I held on her wrists, and let anger take it's course. "Who in the name of Merlin are you and what have you done with Sonny Munroe? Sonny Munroe is not this…mean," I finished childishly. "And I don't use tampons, Sonny, or whoever you are. I'm a guy, and guys don't mecklestraight or whatever you chicks do," I added hastily.

She rolled her eyes. "It's a saying, you daft dimbo. And we 'chicks'," she sneered, "menstruate. I don't know any girl whose monthly cycle involved 'mecklestraight-ing'," she said defiantly.

I closed my eyes and bit back a gag. "There are several things that I never ever wanted to know in a life time, and that's one of them. Thanks Sonny."

She rolled her eyes, I could just _feel _it. Her breath tickled my eyelashes as she said, "Chad, you may be just the most immature man - or _boy_, should I say - that I have ever had the misfortune to meet an raise a simulator with."

I opened my eyes and began to sneer masochistically at her, "Listen here, Munroe-"

But my unplanned rapier remark was cut off by the cold voice of my father. "Couldn't wait, could you?"

My head snapped back to look at him, and I realized how awkward me hovering over Sonny Munroe must look from an outsider's point of view. Quickly shuffling off of her back to my respected side of the couch - which was as damn far as I could get away from Sonny - I blushed and used my blazer to cover my dilemma. Thankfully, (I hoped) no one noticed.

"Sorry, Mr. Cooper," Sonny said, not apologetically in the slightest. "We just can't keep our hands off each other." She leaned over to brush my thigh.

Gulp.

Hell. She noticed.

She retracted her hand, and I got a little tingle that made the blood in arteries bubble with anger and lust. If she was going torture me, might was well give her a little dose of her own medicine.

Retrieving the ice my mother fetched for me, I clamped it to my eye, and turned to Sonny. "Yes, I'm just so madly in love with you…" I whispered softly, using the best flirtatious voice I could muster. Her eyes widened and she stared deeply into my own. I had warned her, she would get lost in my eyes. She was already looking dazed.

I turned to my parents. I could hear her whimper of disappointment and smiled sweetly. "How was Bristol?"

My mother and father both exchanged looks of shock, apparently surprised at the sudden mood swing I'd just 'suffered' from. "Oh, it was lovely. I wish you could have been there, but you were needed here, for your show…and various other reasons."

I shook my head and laughed. (A/N: RANDOM MENTAL IMAGE ALERT! Sterling Knight in super skinny jeans. YUM). "Mom, she only just arrived a few days ago, so we could raise our project together. We're not at that level of commitment just yet."

Then I looked back at Sonny. "But I do love her so."

She giggled slightly, and began to lean in. I turned my head again, and she mewled at the loss, then, recollecting herself, shook her head. Ah, ka-ching. Payback's sweet.

I glanced at the clock, wondering when their next flight was (my parents, dingbats). They usually never stayed long, but with Sonny in the equation, I guess they felt compelled to. It was 3:16. That's when I received a nice shock that made Sonny gasp and cease her rocking of Karma, and making me smirk, because what a fabulous idea this would be.

"Well, Sonny. I think we should all have dinner with your folks tonight."

* * *

"Four be the things I'd have been better without: love, curiosity, freckles and doubt."

That's a Dorothy Parker quote. Not funny, but heartwarming. But, as always, I do supply a funny quote.

"I'm sensing traces of an evil presence in this house."  
"Maybe we shouldn't invite your mother over anymore."

Ba-bing! Aha, that was from _Paranormal Activity_, which was totally scary and my sister literally started crying because she was so petrified. But, LOL, it was pretty good, until the last five seconds, which completely ruined it. Yeah, don't ask. That's not the exact quote, so sorry.

I also saw_ Zombieland _like a month ago, and was going to choose a funny quote from that, but it was supremely difficult, because the whole damn thing was funny. I remember Columbus said something along the lines of, "There you have it. My first time alone with a girl, and she turns into a rampaging zombie, and tries to eat me." I'm pretty sure his exact wording was nothing like that, but my brain's all foggy and I can't remember.

So, I had a four day weekend! Which enabled me to write this. Granted, my weekend wasn't quite fun (Friday, Uncle's funeral, today, sick as a dog), but I went to a dance and had a blast as well. But now I'm running a fever and feel like crap, and writing you this author's note. So, if you want to cure me, could you do me a favor? I worked on _Semantics Of A Ginger Nitwit _for a month (it's muh pride & joy), and I wish it got a little more reviews. Hey, it wounded my ego. Because this story idea was made and written in one day (so not joking) and got way more reviews than expected (this is like the only story on Fanfiction of mine that has a lotta reviews), so if you could stop by my page and check it out, I'd reallllly appreciate it. It's an HP story, which I've claimed to wanting to write, and I finally did. ;)

Also, I love James McAvoy so effin much. Tralalala, he's so hot. He was Johnny/Max in _Penelope_. My heart goes out to that couple...everytime he looked at her. Squeal. My romantic side is emerging again.

Ah, hell. Cough attack. Great.

So, if you do actually check out _Semantics Of A Ginger Nitwit _you'll see I'm terrible at prelude's, but I wanted to give a little sneak peek of James and Lily's adventure throughout the story. Plus, I was dreadfully bored. Yeah. Also, the title was inspired by _Macbeth_ by William Shakespeare. _Stars, hide your fires! Let not light see my black & deep desires_.

Well, as always, big thanks. Like holy shizznickleopolis. So many...reviews *drools*. ;) SIDE NOTE; Muh sister's in the hospital, calmly waiting to give birth (she went at 5:30 this morning, for some reason her doctor said. IDK.) But I'm all excited for her and wish her the best of luck with baby Guiliana.

Alright, 'nother cough attack. I'm out. PEACE!

And thanks again, teehee.

-- _luunasonshine_.

(Notice the penname change. I thought I'd incorporate my two favorite things. Harry Potter and Sonny With A Chance. Well, I have many _more_ favorites, but... *smiles*.

Peace fo' real.


	20. UPDATE!

**U-P-D-A-T-E!**

Honestly, how many of you lovely reviewers saw this in your inbox, & all your thoughts shot to, "OMG! I'm not a creeper!" or something along those lines. LMFAO, I love you guys, really. Every review is like warm cuddly hug from a friend.

But…('Not the but, anything but _the but!_'… 'He touched the butt. :O'), I find myself spurning up awesome ideas for new chapters of Oh, Baby! at school & I'm like, "Okay, I'll write that down when I get home. Simple enough, right?"

Wrong, apparently. Because every time I sit down to vent said awesome ideas, I find myself staring at a blank word document for at least an hour before I give up the hope that I'll actually accomplish something. Needless to say, I most likely won't.

Also, school & friends have been giving me grief. I've actually managed to achieve something that resembles a life ('cause I was severely lacking one previously), and of course, I just recently handed in a book report, only to be bombarded with two more for the second semester.** &** I should be sketching out the rough draft of my Edgar Allan Poe report (we've got to persuade people to think he's either a lunatic or a genius - I chose genius), but of course, I come to make another try at the new chapter.

See, the thing with me is, I've already decided most of what's going to happen (like seventy five percent - I was going to let my fingers decide the rest), but I cannot figure out how the heck to start it or lead into it or whatever. There is a huge block in my brain that's got, "Ha, I'll be preventing you from writing for a while," written in graffiti all over it, and it's _pissing me off!_

Did I mention that I'm not allowed on the computer? Yeah, that's a big contributing factor to the big ol' equation. The only computers I can use are school computers (which don't have access to Fanfiction, ahem), & computer's at friends houses. But since I'm not going to type away while I'm with my friends…

I can't tell you how much it breaks my heart that I haven't updated in…what, a month, right? And now I'm dropping all this onto your laps. I know I will be finishing this story, though I have zero faith in my self. Don't get me wrong, I am _not _giving up. I will finish this story, even if takes seventy years, and I'm eighty three and senile. I just hope you guys can have some patience, because I don't want you guys to give up on me.

Also, my birthday & a friend's birthday fall on the same weekend (mine's December 11th, his is December 12th), & I'm thinking a big par-tay in the house (sorry, nerd alert). So, I've kicked into planning mode.

As you can see, I've got a semi busy life & that nagging block up in my cranium. I feel terrible, like verge of tears terrible, & though I know I'll be updating, I don't know how soon THAT will be, what with the holidays right around the corner. I came home to Christmas music on the sodding television. How depressing is that?

OOOOH; I'm also working on like several individual projects, though they all suck, thanks to that block. I just came up with ideas, & that's basically all I've got. Again, I'm feeling terrible. Unbearably terrible. My heart hurts):

For the fiftieth time, I WILL FINISH THIS STORY! Don't think for one second that I will give up quite so easily. I'm not a giver-upper, no-sir-ee. Be expecting an update, I just can't promise it'll be soon. Or maybe it will be. Who knows?

Also, no ones been updating lately. That's just depressing, 'cause I'm in love with this HP story (So You Think You're a Masochist), & it's been FOHEVA! I'm such an impatient person.

I also ramble a lot, (clearly), so I think I'll end this here. I mean, I swerve so far from the topic sometime. Just jump up and down and cheer, "You are swerving, you, you are swerving!" (Fired up! :D) & I'll jump back into the topic in no time.

I'm sorry (for the four hundredth time), please forgive my lack of updates. (Also, I'm sorry Ms. Naduea (my French teacher) is such a [insert bad word], because thanks to her, she let us out late last period, & in a hurry to get to my bus ['cause Ally was chanting, "Hurry! Let's go!" in my ear], I left my social studies homework in my locker, & now instead of playing spoons like we do every homeroom, I have to do my homework.)

"You are swerving, you, you are swerving!"

Sorry. (Again, again, again…)

(evil side interruption: _luunasonshine's _sure if you review, she'll update _this _much quicker. Muahahahaha. Cough.)

-- _luunasonshine._


	21. You Guys Decide

Oh, Baby!  
Running in traffic.  
(_seems a hell of a lot more appealing than this._)

* * *

Have you ever had one of those dreams where you find yourself plunged into a TV game show that was cancelled in the late seventies due to the increased popularity of the boom box, and the Elvis Presley wanna-be host looks at you abashed, and you can feel three thousand pairs of eyes on you, all wide with shock, and you're just thinking, "What is everyone staring at?," when you feel an uncomfortable breeze on your hindquarters, and you realize your buck naked on live national television? And then someone texts the California State Troopers, because your naked on live TV without a nudie license, and they haul you off to prison, and some weird transvestite named Ed keeps checking you out, because the troopers didn't allow you to get clothes? And as if things couldn't get any worse, your family comes and breaks your naked behind out only to disown you and ship you off to a nudist colony in the Switzerland, but right when the nudie president, Oliver, goes to hug you, you awake in a cold sweat and look down at your jammies with a sigh of relief withering on your lips?

Yes, I was pretty sure that this was happening to me. The dreaming part. As in I was dreaming, snoozing, _having a nightmare_.

Did I mention I was on the floor?

And there was something lodged into my spine (at least if felt like it, anyway). I was either the victim of an assassination gone wrong, or someone thought it'd be nice to haul me off the lovely comfort of Chad's dining room floor and dispose of me onto a cozy bed of nails.

I blamed the carrot doing the waltz in front of me. Seriously, that carrot should ask for a refund from whoever gave him some preconceived notions that he could dance, because he (or she. I'm not here to judge) really couldn't. They just fanned themselves back and forth. Like a little, dancing disabled carrot. What a pity.

I'd learned from the age of five that I was not one who bore well with something stupefying. If it was to a good enough level of shock, there was a hundred and ten percent chance that I would faint. It was just the way I was.

I had the feeling that that was why I was on the bed of nails with a migraine to end all migraines. If only I could remember what was so startling…it was teetering precariously on the line of the storage units for memory and the "Who really gives a shit?" alcove. If I only I could get to it…

The carrot could speak, though whether it was Dutch or Pig Latin, I couldn't determine. It was sure as hell not a language that I spoke every now and again. "Sommy, are vu otay? Vu knit your shed."

I blinked (at least it felt like a blink). "Hmm?" I mumbled, feeling little droplets of drool slide down my chin. Really, Carrot. Can't you see that I'm in immense pain, and all I'd like is to doze peacefully on this bed of nails? Really, it's all I ask.

Also, I don't know anyone who can knit a shed, so I'm thinking this carrot should be inspected for the illegal uses of the marijuana, or "mary-joo-wanna" as my mom says it. It's not even worth my time trying to correct her anymore.

The carrot poked me. "Sommy!" another voice cried, and a head was floating with the carrot. "Oh no, Shawni is mowing to krill me!"

Another voice quipped it's opinion. "Tawni?" it said, as if it had never ever heard the name.

Then it all came back to me.

As in, the little box tottering on those two little lines of memory and, "who really gives a shit?" finally fell into my lap.

* * *

This is where you devoted readers fabricate your lovely ideas in order to help me fix this chapter ('cause it needs all the fixing it can get.) Trust me, I'm doing this for YOUR benefit. With your help, we can make the best chapter ever. This is the chapter in which you guys control.

OMG, awesome idea, I KNOW RIGHT?! You can make it anything you want. Flying ponies dancing the tango, leprechauns waiting for Sonny under the mistletoe, Santa Clause getting stuck in the Coopers' chimney. An-y-thing you want! Really (although realism is appreciated. As lovely as leprechauns are, they don't quite fit in.)

But if you could sneak in some Harry Potter, I wouldn't mind one bit (OMG! Half Blood Prince DVD out on Tuesday! Can't wait! [: Especially 'cause my birthday is next week, so, uhm, YAY!)

That right up there is all I've gotten of the chapter so far. But the only thing is, I don't know what could've been so shocking that Sonny was coaxed into fainting. Maybe she shouldn't faint. Maybe there should be no vertigo near this chapter. It's all up to you.

The reason I'm doing this is 'cause life feels like throwing so much shiz at me, I have no time for Fanfiction (& there's still that block...) School is killing me, & so are annoying people who ruin my days. Really, I don't like Twilight. Get over it (nameless). & say one more bad thing about Harry Potter, I dare you! (I do hope (nameless) is reading this. That would make my day.)

"I figured out what she likes. I saw her cheerleading for the football team, so I joined the cheerleading squad."  
"WHY DIDN'T YOU JOIN THE FOOTBALL TEAM, DUMMY?"

LMFAO. Sorry, I had to throw that in there 'cause it happened just five seconds ago on _Malcolm in the Middle_. Mhm. That's my show.

Sorry, I am swerving. I, I am swerving. ("If you don't buy me, you'll die." ROFLMFAO.)

& how awesome is this idea? Really, I feel smart for coming up for something like this (which has probably been done five million times, but let me bask in my ego for a while.)

Sorry, I must throw this in here. You wanna know the most uncomfortable feeling in the world is? When the lady waxing your eyebrows begins to giggle.

Yeah, it's horrifying.

So, as aforementioned, this will be the readers chapter. Whatever you want, you got (BUT NO LEPRECHAUNS! Forget they were even brought up. They no longer exist. Muahahaha.) & I'll be sure to cite everyone's ideas that I'll be using.

Just put your ideas in a review. Or PM me, whichever ways works best for you. Do you want her to faint? Do you want to have a peaceful family dinner or some cat fights (grr.)? Just name it.

& dammmmmmn. I do appreciate you guys. I don't know how much I can stress that. You guys who support me are, like, the definition of epic. Truly, truly, truly.

Oooooh, the fourth Half Blood Prince commercial for the DVD I've seen all day. WITH DEATHLY HALLOWS FOOTAGE?! Why wasn't that on the other commercial ten minutes ago? (As you, HP is my schtick. Like, forsure. x3.)

Sorry, it distracted me. So, I'm thinking that my rambling has murdered multiple brain cells, even mine.

Soooo, g'bye? Yeah. G'bye. & thanks. [:

_-- luunasonshine._


	22. Just Peachy, Really

**Oh, Baby!  
**Just Peachy, Really.

Author's Note: What's this? An update? :O Can't be, you're just seeing things. You're eyes are just playing with you. ;)

* * *

**Sonny's POV**:

So, how am I doing?

Well first, remind me to thank Tawni a million times. Remind me to buy her a bouquet of flowers and a big box of chocolates and a Thank-You gram. One that sings and dances and showers Tawni with the attention that she just loves receiving. Please remind me to do all of these things, and do not forget. Do not forget because if you do, Tawni will not be thanked a million times, have a bouquet of flowers and a big box a chocolate, and she will not get a Thank-You gram that sings and dances and showers Tawni with the attention that she just loves receiving.

By now, you're probably raising your eyebrows in that _What-On-Earth-Are-You-Talking-About _manner. So let me explain while I burp Karma (I at first thought burping a baby simulator was unnecessary, but it is. And we'll just leave it at that.)

Picking up from where we last left off on this magnificent (*cough* sarcasm *cough*) journey of mine:

"Well, Sonny. I think we should all have dinner with your folks tonight," Chad's mom said with a sugary-sweet and oh-so-false smile. I couldn't take my eyes off of her teeth; but honestly, they were so bright, they were borderline blinding. This little distraction made it take just a second longer for her words to sink in, and when I caught Chad suppressing laughter out of the corner of my eye, it finally did.

Have you ever really had to go to the bathroom, so you do, and while this is a relief, you discover there is no toilet paper and no one home to go buy some, so you have a mini heart-attack?

What I was feeling was ten times worse. It was like no one would be home for a week and there was nothing of any help around except for a toilet brush (ew) and a plunger (double ew.)

My heart literally sank into the balls of my feet, pulling my stomach and every other vital organ with it. I couldn't breathe. Why, oh why, did she have to say that? It was like she knew the whole thing was one big, tangled joke, and she decided that the pranker was going to become the prankee. And Chad just found this hilarious, because he was smiling in that way people do when they are trying their hardest not to laugh.

Charade over. What was I supposed to do? Say something like, "My mom's currently on a crab boat with the guys from Deadliest Catch and my dad is a compulsive gambler who's scampered off to Atlantic City to satisfy his dirty little vice"? After all, it seems like a reasonable enough lie. I don't know them that well, but I had this vague feeling they wouldn't waste their precious time checking up with the execs at Discovery Channel, or the Borgota Casino & Hotel in Atlantic City.

You see? It was a good lie. But that's exactly what it was: a lie. Acting is one thing, I'm okay with acting, but lying is a completely different thing. When I decided to trick Chad's parents into thinking Chad was with me, it was a spur of the moment, a little prank. Pranking is okay. Acting is okay. Lying is _not _okay. Especially because I was terrible at it.

But maybe...The idea struck me like a...something that strikes (sorry, every grammar teacher I've had since third grade, but I'm no good with metaphors or similes.) Maybe I could _act _like that lie was real. Maybe I could put myself into the character of a girl who's mom is now a guest star on Deadliest Catch and who's dad is blowing his money at a craps table at the Trump Marina. Maybe if I could act like that was my dysfunctional life, then it wouldn't be lying. It would be_ acting_, and they are two completely different things.

All of this - the mini/major heart-attack, the make-believe story, the difference between acting and lying, then making a lie an acting exercise - all happened within a matter of two seconds (I know, my brain works fast as quicksilver). Slowly, I began to pull the pouty "my life sucks" face. "Actually, I don't know if that will happen because-"

_Kamikaze airplanes in the sky. Are we going down or will we fly?_

Confused, I looked around before realizing that it was _my _ringtone. Thankful for a distraction, any distraction, I fished around in my pocket and brought it out. Tawni's name flashed across the screen.

_This could be a shipwreck on the shore, or we could sail away forevermore._

I quickly pushed the send button and flashed an apologetic look at Mr. and Mrs. Cooper, though on the inside, I was doing a little happy jig. "Hello?" I said (something I don't think I'll ever stop doing. If you know someone who doesn't answer the phone that way, please let me meet them. I wanna ask how they do it.)

"Sonny!" She exclaimed, making me jump. Her voice was a little irritated. "You'll never guess who just called me."

Then I had the most brilliant, wonderful idea. "Oh...hi, Mom," I said stupidly. "How's Venice?"

"What in the heck are you talking about?" she asked me, but I wasn't thinking rationally. All I knew was that this idea was much better than the previous one I had. Although I felt bad for using Tawni as my pawn, I made a mental note in my head to explain everything to her later.

"Really? Sounds nice." A little pause in which Tawni said, loudly, I might add, "I AM NOT YOUR MOM!" I quickly masked it though, with a forced laugh that sounded petulant to me, but apparently Chad's parents bought it. Chad was just staring at me like I'd admitted to being an illegal alien and now had to return to the mothership before I ended up in some Harvard lab so they could perform autopsy on me. Mr. and Mrs. Cooper, however, just smiled in that polite way that people don't like you do.

"Yes, I'm with Chad...and his parents."

Tawni laughed. "Oh, you're with _Chaaad!_" she said in a sing-songy tone that made me blush. Tawni had some preconceived notions that there was something going on between Chad and myself, but she was completely wrong. I hate Chad...I think.

...

No, I definitely hate him.

"Yes, well they'd like to meet you, but I guess they can't. With you being in Venice and all."

"Alright, I'll play along, but you so owe me," she said, and I tried my hardest not to look at the ceiling in the Thank-The-Lord way. Though I did send him a mental message of my gratitude. Maybe I could just talk to him later on iGod.

"Yes, I will most definitely tell them you said hi and sorry that you missed them."

"Yes, you do that," Tawni said.

"Bye, Mom. Have fun. Love you!"

"I think you mean I owe you?" Tawni guessed, and I could just tell she was smirking, but I quickly hung up on her, just as I could hear her saying, "But wait, I didn't tell you who called me!"

Chad's parents were rising from the seats, brushing imaginary dust off their hindquarters. "Well, Sonny," his dad said. "It was nice meeting you." He reached out to shake my hand, which I politely did (ignoring the fact that his eyes mirrored the inner turmoil he was feeling inside because he had to shake hands with a *gasp* farm girl.)

"A pleasure," I said with a smile, shaking his mom's hand. They both hugged Chad, and his dad whispered something in his ear, and I could only barely make it out. It sounded like, "We'll be in Russia, please dump Sunshine."

No, don't dump "Sunshine." She can do the honors.

And then, thank the Gods, they left, peeling out of the driveway like a pack of little-girl-zombies were attacking their car.

And _that _is why I have to thank Tawni a million times, give her a bouquet of flowers and a big box of flowers, and send her a Thank-You gram that will sing and dance and shower her in the attention she loves to receive.

So how am I doing? Just peachy, really.

* * *

Skins:

JJ: "I came here to buy tampons...for you...as a gift."

Gamer:

Simon: "Gibs."  
Kable: "What?"  
Simon: "Like giblets. Kibbles 'n Bits. Chunks. Pieces. Everywhere."  
Kable: "These are real humans, fucker!"  
Simon: "Death row psychos, so what? They had it coming anyway, right?"  
Kable: "I guess that goes for me too."  
Simon: "Yeah, but you're different."  
Kable: "Different. How?"  
Simon: "I don't know, because you're my psycho."

Role Models:

Gayle: "Well, well, well. If it isn't Mr. Bullshit and Dr. I'm-Full-Of-Shit."  
Wheeler: "In what way are we full of shit?"  
Danny: "Which one of us has the Ph.D?"

Charlie Bartlett:

Charlie: "Oh, trust me, Doc, bringing psychiatric drugs and teenagers together is like opening a lemonade stand in the dessert."

Henry: "This is a school not a prison!"  
Principal Gardner: "Thanks, because I couldn't read the sign."

Hot Tub Time Machine:

Lou: "We can prevent Miley Cyrus!"  
Nick: "Prevent her from what?"  
Lou: "I dunno, just prevent her."

Pineapple Express:

Angie: "Fuck you, Dale! I lost my virginity when I was fourteen, okay? How many women have you even slept with?"  
Dale: "Like two and a half."  
Angie: "Two and a half? What is a half, your hand? That doesn't count!"

I know those don't even begin to cover for all the time I was gone, but, eh, it's a start.

Why was I gone? I hate Disney Channel, now. Absolutely, everything about it, I hate. Sorry, I know most of you are like, "WHAT?!" But I don't know what I happened. I just woke up one day and...hated it. I haven't watched it in forever (I don't even know what's going on with SWAC, all I have is my knowledge of season one. If anybody wants to catch me up, feel free, it would help.) I apologize for hating it, but I'm keeping my promise. I am going to finish this story, no matter what. It's just taken me a while to get started, but hopefully the next update won't take forever.

So how have you guys been? Me? Oh, I've been good. Thanks for asking ;).

Anything interesting happen to you guys? I recently drank a Mario Bros. energy drink, and I am now a little hyper. I also have a newfound love for Robert Downey Jr. :D

The song for Sonny's ringtone was Sink or Swim by Tyrone Wells.

Well, I don't think I've got anything else to say. Other than this chapter sucks, but I've got to get back in my zone. Trust me, though. I will be finishing this.


	23. Facebookery

**Oh, Baby!  
**_Facebookery._

* * *

Chad's POV:

This is the part where I tell you that Sonny was being very irritable as soon as my parents left, due to her not-so-brilliant last minute plan (It was hard not to hear Tawni's voice ringing loud through Sonny's speaker, but my parents seemed to fall for the whole mom charade.)

But as soon as they were gone, she thrust Karma into my arms and flopped onto the couch.

I stared at the simulator, wondering how this tiny little plastic doll could've caused so much drama. I felt like I'd taken a step into 'Juno' (one of my favorite movies in the history of the natural world.) But I'm not Micheal Cera. He's too...awkward. And clearly not as stunningly gorgeous as myself.

But Karma was unresponsive, like someone had flipped the off switch. I suppose I could only be grateful; at least she wasn't crying. She just sat motionless in my arms, like a rock. Or a carrot. Or any other motionless thing.

I looked at Sonny, who was rubbing her temples, her eyes closed. I noticed the bags under said closed eyes, and felt a pang. Maybe I should help her out at night, because that's when Karma cries the most. And Sonny looked honestly tired.

Not that I cared or anything. Psssh, caring? What's that?

Hehe.

She sighed quietly, the sound filling up the gap of silence that filled the room. I tapped her arm and she looked up at me. And that look said it all: After all the tormenting we put each other through, we both cared for each other as more than just colleagues. If I wasn't crazy, it was like we were becoming friends.

No, impossible. Right?

"Take a nap," I said softly. "I'll take care of Karma."

"But-"

"No buts," I persisted, nudging her calf with my big toe. She sighed again, and went from her seated position into a fetal-like position. Cradling Karma in one arm, I grabbed a blanket off the couch with my other and draped it over Sonny. She stared at me for a second, confused, before yawning, her pink lips making an 'O'.

It was weird. Everything had suddenly turned very serious, and I didn't like it. I liked when everything was playful and teasing, not this sudden shift in the air. I felt like I stepped into the Twilight Zone, and needed to do something to break out of it.

"You need all the beauty sleep you can get anyway!" I sneered jokingly. Her eyes flew open and she glared at me hatefully.

"Screw you, Chaddy. Go put on your manpon and let me sleep, will you?"

And just like that, everything was back to normal. Which was good, ya know. Cos I couldn't have things go changing between me and Sonny. We were set in stone.

I slithered out of the room, deciding I'd check my Facebook, something I hadn't been on in forever. Someone like me didn't have the time to check it everyday. Sure, I occasionally peeked at it on my iPhone, but no status updates, and no accepting Farmville requests. Sorry, Farm-freaks, I'm too busy in Real-LifeVille.

I skipped up the stairs, trying not to jostle Karma too much, for fear of making her cry. Then, upon entering the office, I placed her gently on the computer desk and plopped into the seat.

Email: ChadDCissuperhot

Password: Sorry, Fans, that's private business. I have no need for being hacked and having updates like, "I love so and so more than you ;DDDDD." That would just confuse people.

I clicked on the annoying red notification bubble: 157. It was just some usual annoying things: This person tagged you in a status, this person posted something on your wall, this person commented on your picture. They were all just fan girls, nothing of interest. (Just kidding, I love you guys, but you all need to stop spamming my Facebook. Seriously.)

I clicked on the 'What's In Your Mind?' box and typed out, "Sonny Munroe snores really loudly," making sure I tagged her in it. Then I giggled to myself, cos I'm pretty clever.

I heard a little pop noise and looked to see I'd received an IM from Portlyn. Le sigh, here we go. She was probably going to tell me all about something stupid, in way too vivid detail, and waste an hour of her time. Not my time though. If that's the case, I'll just sign off.

But it was just a simple line, four simple words, that did things to me no other words could do.

Portlyn: Sonny like-likes you.

My mouth suddenly turned bone-dry. My brain was wiped blank, and my heart thought it was appropriate to beat 1000 times per minute. With shaking fingers, I typed in, "How do you know?"

My body was betraying my mind. What my mind was saying was that Portlyn was crazy and Sonny and I would never in a million years like each other. But my heart...I couldn't even tell what that crazy mofo was saying! It was just being stupid, is all.

I tried to occupy myself with other things while waiting for Portlyn's response. Like how Sonny and I were so close earlier today while my parents were in the kitchen. And how there was something stirring inside me that was more than just hormones.

No, I needed to think of something else. Like Juno. Juno has sex with her friend whom she's secretely in love with but wouldn't admit it, gets knocked up, and decides to give the baby to a wonderful family. Only that family isn't so wonderful, cos the husband isn't sure whether or not he's in love with his wife, so he leaves her and it breaks Juno's heart. She then realizes she actually is in love with her awkward friend, they kiss, she gives birth, gives the baby to the wife, and lives happily ever after playing guitar with her boyfriend in front of her house.

Juno liked Bleeker. Maybe Sonny did like me after all.

No, it was simply preposterous! (Further illustrated by my use of the word 'preposterous.' How often does one actually use that word? My point exactly.)

After all, Juno and Bleeker were best friends, and Sonny and I hate each other. Besides, our story is nothing like that. It was all a class project, nothing more, nothing less. And perhaps we didn't have to live with each other to do the project, but it was easier for both of us. It wasn't because we wanted to spend more time with each other. That's just...words can't describe how impossible that is!

My heart jumped out of my chest the moment I heard the little IM noise, and I scanned her sentence quickly.

Portlyn: I was with her half the day, I can tell.

Then, a second later, this popped up:

You don't like her right?

I hated that I even had to hesitate to answer that. My fingers hovered over the keys, but I wasn't sure what I was going to write. But then I remembered, of course I don't like Sonny. I can't.

Of course not!, I typed back with fervor. LOL, you're funny, Port.

I'm glad that over the computer, she couldn't hear the skepticism that was in my head's inner voice as it said that. I had to shake these feelings, I simply had to.

A litte notification popped up in the left hand corner of the screen, and I groaned. What fan girl wrote on my wall this time?

I was surprised to see, instead, Sonny Munroe commented on your status. Funny, I could've sworn she was out like a light.

Still, I couldn't deny the feelings of dread and excitement at seeing her name there. My guts twisted into a knot, like an iron fist in my stomach. I clicked on it, palms sweating, to see what she had wrote.

Shut up, I'm not even asleep yet. And your feet stink, your argument is invalid; via mobile web. I chuckled aloud, though my head was spinning. She was so close, right downstairs. If I wanted to, I could go to her, take her in my arms, and kiss her long and hard.

Like I said, if I wanted to. It's not like I actually did want to, though.

Funny, Portlyn's latest IM broke through my distraction. Seems like you do.

I bit my lower lip. Ignore her, I decided, just ignore her. She was wrong, dead wrong.

Wasn't she?

I needed something to take my mind off Sonny. And I knew what it was.

Portlyn, I typed back, let's go out on Sunday so I can prove to you I don't like her.

___

* * *

_

Texting Tyler;

Me: You need anger management.  
Tyler: THAT IS BULLSHIT.  
Me: CMON WE'VE BEEN LIKE SID AND NANCY FOR MONTHS NOW.  
Tyler: NO...I'M SID.  
Me; OH SO I'M NANCY?

Lmfao, I love that chick;)

Listen, I'm so mad. I typed out SO many quotes then FF messed up and they're all gone and I am NOT redoing all that. Sorry I'm so lazy xD

Update on my life lately: I recently moved and things are going pretty good. But my room is so BLUE. Everything: the wall, ceiling, windowpanes, door. It's too much. We're repainting soon.

And I started high school. It's too crowded and I got lost several times, but it's not too shabby. It could be worse.

And um, that's really it. Not much else to share besides I went to a Phillies game and it was pretty beast, if I do say so myself. Oh hold up, Alli poked me on Facebook...

Kay, back.

So, lovely reviewers, how have you been?;D

Also, hide yo kids, hide yo wife. If you haven't seen that, what is your life?

I'm sorry my writing has changed. I'm trying to get back into the old habit of it but it's been a while. Just gimme some time.


	24. Kitten Glares

**Oh, Baby!  
**_Kitten Glares.

* * *

_

It's amazing how quickly things can go from bad to total shit-storm (yes I, Sonny Munroe, am quoting Zombieland with no shame. Besides, said quote holds true in some aspects.)

Take into consideration that I may or may not have (oh God, someone kill me, I can't believe I'm actually saying this) feelings for a certain person that I hate. Hypothetically speaking of course. Now factor in that this person (whom I detest, ahem!) and I were raising a child simulator together for the next week. Add me, currently living in hated-person's house (a problem I now see was never necessary in the first place, but it was Chad's - _I mean hated-person's! _- idea). Add him to the equation, with his cute little gestures and the prolonged looks he gives me - it wasn't my imagination, I swear!

Now, just for our fun hypothetical purposes, let's add the fact that he and I nearly kissed and la-di-da, I was just going to ignore the voice in my head that said I wanted to kiss him. This is all hypothetical though, of course. Clearly.

The thing about hated-person is that he could be the most infuriating person to ever walk the Earth. In fact, most of the time, he was. Most of the time, I _wish _we lived in Zombieland just so I could feed him to Shakira. But then there were these other times...

Ugh, why does he have to go around acting all incredibly cute and stuff? It's really putting a damper on my hating him. I don't think you're supposed to want to cuddle with your mortal enemy.

And all those freaking people on Twitter had to go and plant the idea in my head that _maybe _me and him could start a relationship. They certainly wanted us to. So did Dakota (or at least, her father did.) There was that percent, however small it may be, that it could work between us. We could hold hands and skip around, strewing rose petals about and singing "I Got You, Babe" as a proclamation of our love (I can't be the only one who thinks of these things when I see happy couples, can I?)

He could also break my heart. He's not exactly known as a loving, relationship-oriented guy. I believe Just Jared labeled him a womanizer. Done with one, onto the next - his motto. "Done with Sonny, onto someone prettier who I'll leave for someone else, and so on. Let's just break poor little Sonny Munroe's heart, then peel off, leaving her in the dust of my exit with a single tear and broken promise." I swear, the way my mind works sometimes is more of a curse than a blessing.

I could take the chance - I could do as they say: live and learn. You see my dilemma, however, is that I'm this really huge coward, so...

"Oh, Sonny, darling!" the devil himself, the almighty he-who-must-not-be-named (not Lordy V) called out. "I am absolutely famished dear! Would you mind fixing me a nice turkey and bow-log-nah sandwich?"

I sat up and stretched from my "nap" that never happened, which is unfortunate, because I was in desperate need of one. Craning my neck back to look at him leaning on the wall, one step up from the floor, I glared. It was a bit hard considering helookedallgloriousandwhatnot - I mean what. "I will not play in to your sexist stereotypes, Cooper," I strongly declared, resisting the urge to pat myself on the back. Sonny Munroe: standing - technically, I was sitting, but we can gloss over that - for the rights of women since about five seconds ago.

His mock-hurt facial expression totally didn't make my mouth go dry, just saying. He placed a hand over his heart, hissing as if I had physically wounded him. "Ouch, Sonny. I am hurt and appalled by your ludicrous accusations. I would never sexually stereotype a woman, and especially not the mother of my child!"

Breathe, Sonny. Try not to giggle insanely at how cute and flirty he was suddenly acting. You are strong, Munroe, keep it together! Deadpan as if he wasn't really, really adorable and you didn't really, really want to kiss him. Alright, Munroe, you are officially insane. Might as well break out the straight-jacket and commit yourself to the crazy hospital. On the bright side, you might just get the room with the padded walls all by yourself as opposed to bunking with a roommate.

Yeah, I'm definitely crazy.

"Not in the mood, Cooper."

"You see, you keep calling me Cooper, which leads me to believe you're PMSing. You can mecklestraight this soon after child birth? I mean it's only been a few days..." he mumbled to himself, tapping his chin.

"Hardy-har," I snapped. See what a little crush can do? It's making me extra mean to him in the hopes of squashing his flirty attitude and making him go back to hating me and we can hate each other and live peacefully. Really, is that too much to ask for?

His expression turned to concern, and he shuffled over to the couch, plopping down next to me. Whoa, heart, you need to relax. I know his body heat and his knee brushing mine is nice, but remember: we hate him, heart. "Does someone need a nap? I'm taking it as you just didn't get any sleep?"

I sighed. He placed his hand on my knee and -

wait a minute.

His hand?

On my knee?

Alright, Cooper. You know you aren't helping me convince my heart that we hate you. My heart has convinced itself that it likes you, and I keep trying to remind ol' hearty that _that _is insane, but she just isn't listening to me or my brain. Brain and heart never agree. However, you putting your hand on my knee has just given my heart a big amount of hope, and my brain is repeating, "no, no, no, no, no, bad heart!" so if you could just move that hand of yours and we can forget this ever happened, that would be nice.

"How about I take Karma duty tonight? You can even sleep in the guest bed so you don't have to hear her cry," he offers, and by golly, if my heart wasn't doing flips and cartwheels before, it was now. Since when was it a gymnast?

"Chad, no-" I begin to protest, but he interrupts with an, "Ah, ah, ah," and a wag of his finger.

"No ifs, ands or butts. Decision is made."

"Why are you being so nice to me?" I whisper, rising from the couch and watching his hand fall into his lap. I march into the kitchen and hear his footsteps trailing after.

"So I don't have to hear you snore tonight."

The dirty look I flashed in his direction made him chuckle. I began to rummage through the cupboards to distract myself and make it look like I came into the kitchen for a reason other than to get his hand off of my innocent knee. "You're the snore-er in this relationship, Chaddy, not me."

"Relationship?" he asks, a curious tone in his voice. His eyebrows are raised slightly, and I quickly turn away from him, feeling a scarlet blush spread on my cheeks. Why, why, why did I have to say that?

"You know what I meant," I mumble quietly.

His steps are slow and careful as he walks up behind me, so close I can feel his heat radiating onto my back. Don't pass out, don't pass out, don't pass out.

He places a hand on my shoulder, and I try not to gasp. I think my lip has begun bleeding from biting it so hard.

"Yeah," he half-whispers in a seductive voice that makes love to my ears. "I know what you meant. What you meant was..." and then in a split second, he removes his hand from my shoulder, licks the pointer finger, and promptly sticks it in my ear.

"Ugh!" I screech, jumping away from him.

"You meant that you're a sucker!" he snickers, and I kick him in the shin before marching off indignantly to find Karma and feed her. Misplacing my child is probably not good mothering, so one can only thank the Lord that Karma's a simulator and not real. Chad's house is big. Losing an actual baby in here...

That would be very bad, suffice it to say.

Once I find her - a grand total of a minute that took - I grab her bottle off the coffee table and begin to feed her, ignoring Chad's wandering eyes from the entrance to the kitchen. I sit in the love seat, sprawled my feet out, and cradle Karma. Every once in a while, I shoot him a fierce glare that I'm sure has him quaking in his boots.

"You should try breast feeding," he suggests, and I nearly fall off the couch at my shock from his comment. Then I remind myself that he is a teenage boy, and teenage boys for the most part are - a) immature. b) immature and dirty-minded. c) immature, dirty-minded and constantly thinking about sex. And while I will acknowledge that girls also think about sex, we have the advantage of hiding our arousal. When guys get all, uhm, _happy_, it's much harder to cover _that _up. Girls: 1. Guys: 0.

"Gross pig!" I sneer.

He shrugs. "I was kidding!"

Insert disbelieving mumble of, "Mhm" here. Karma's big-blue glassy eyes peer into my soul and I can't help but think she has Chad's eyes, before I remember that she is a doll.

"Hey, I'm going to head to the grocery store and get some things. You staying or coming?"

"Staying," I opted.

"Alright, I'll be back in fifteen. Anything you need?"

I smirked. "Tampons."

"Ew, Sonny!" he squealed like a five year old girl and my smirk turned into mirthful laughter. He glares and I glare back.

"You're not very good at glaring. You kind of look like a kitten," he comments, and I blush angrily.

"What?"

"Just saying. You're glares are harmless and adorable, like a kitten." He's at the front door, slipping into a pair of Nike's and grabbing a jacket off the coat hanger. "Be back soon!" he calls out, shutting the door behind him.

He's gone. I can breathe.

Did he just call me adorable?

* * *

How 'The Social Network' Should have Ended:

Eduardo: "They're saying we stole The Facebook!"  
Mark: "I know."  
Eduardo: "So did we?"  
Mark: "Why don't you feed your chicken?"

Lololol dying. Oh, and The Social Network? - _o b s e s s e d_

Let me first say that I really just want to cuddle with Andrew Garfield and Jesse Eisenberg. Jesse is my spirit animal - awkward, self-esteem issues, love of cats... And Andrew? That boy is sex on legs. Mmm, can we all just take a moment to appreciate that Bambi face of his, and another moment to appreciate these lovely jewnicorns.

Also, I ship Mark/Eduardo hardcore. I am writing a fanfic about them too (cough, not-so-subtly promoting my story, go read it, la la la).

And reading all my previous author's notes, it's amazing how much I've changed. I'm still an obsessive fan-girl, but I've also grown. For example, I no longer excessively use smiley faces. I am so ~mature~ (sarcmark). And hey, I have tumblr:

.com/ (if for some reason, the link doesn't appear, I'm putting on my page.)

So yes, welcome to my life v.2.

Thank you guys for reading and staying with me even though I'll go months without updating. I really appreciate all my readers, you guys are pretty freaking amazing.


End file.
